My story,distinct memories, please comment...

Before i begin, i need to say a few things. first, this is a real-life experience. seconf, this may be triggering...so careful. finally, my psychothearpist asked me to do this, so i decided to do it here, and any comments will be grately appreciated. i will try to write as briefly as possible and thank you in advance for reading.
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one night, about six years ago when i was ten, me and my friendwas walking home. i don't remember exactly what we were doing. i just remember being happy. smiling ear to ear.
anyway, before we knewit,it was dark and we were walking down the road when we heard a loud sound from behind us.a quick glance behind us revealed an ugly brown car heading wildly our way. we movd into the grass for safety. we looked back again and the car was on the other side of the road so wefelt safer, but when the car was about to pass us, i guess it hit the other ditch because there was a loud sound and the car swirled directly at us.
the next thing i knew, i was laying on my back in a ditch and my body was full of pain. the car was in the feild behind me. when i came to my senses, i looked for my friend and spotted him laying half-way in the road mothionless. somehow i forgot about my pain and crawled over to my friend. i flipped him over and he didnt move so i figured he got knocked out. i crawled ontop of him, grabbed his shoulders, and tried to shake him awake but he didn't wake. i suddenly realized that i might loose my best friend. the feeling got even worse when i felt his body growing cold. i began rubbing his arms and hands in attempt to warm him up when i heard sirens.
i screamed at the cops and medics to come over here to warm my friend up. the cop only tried to get me off of him but i refused. there was no way i was leaving him. the medics worked around me. i really wasn't aware of what was really going on but when i heard the medic whisper "he's dead" underher breathe, i went crazy.
i started crying uncontrolable and then i started to shake my friend as hard as i could screaming "you have to wake up, you have to tell them ur alive" just over and over again. i tried to wake him up but nothing worked.eventually someone wrapped their arms around me and pulled me off. i think they sqeezed my broken ribs becuase i only remember being over taken with pain and then everything went blank.
i woke up in a hospital thinking that it was all a horrible dream, but i looked down and saw my bandages and a doc came in the room with a sad face. i just started crying. noone had to say it. i knew my friend was dead.
what really hit me hard was that when his feneral came, i was seen unfit to go. that in itself made me sad and mad at the world.
for the next 2-3 months, i literary did not talk to anyone. eventually, my dad decided to move and "start a new life."
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thank you for reading and sorry for any typos. if you want to know more then please ask and any comments are greatly appreciated.

I'm sorry that you had to experince that.
I too have experinced wittnessing death first hand..
I was in a car wreck three years ago with my grandmother and watched her die..I know that feeling of helplessness of not being able to stop it too and the anger that comes from when something like that happens.

This fourm is always good to post things like this..I hope that posting this helps you find some comfort...I know my postings here has helped me.


Silver

psych16m ((safe hugs))

Absolutely terrifying and heart-wrenching for any person to go through but to be ten years old, it changes your life forever. I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a traumatizing loss at such a young age.

I understand the "body growing cold" and also the shaking (in my case slapping)the person to "wake up." I was also very young and can absolutely relate 100% to those feelings as it happened a few times in my life with three of my family members who are no longer here.

I also understand the "not being stable" to attend the funeral. I was also ten and they thought it would be best, not only for me, but for THEM because they weren't "fit" enough to deal with it. They were VERY wrong. I know they meant well but it backfired.

My PM's are off right now because I have a lot going on IRL, but if you need to talk to someone who has "been there" and would prefer it to be private, please post it here and I will turn them back on and get in touch with you.

I am so glad you are getting help for this.

thanks everyone for understanding. it has helped alot. beleive me it has. and orange blossom, please PM me. i want to talk to u. i will be a lil busy, but i'll be back on tonight. thanx again. and best of luck everyone!
PM me orange blossom!

Dude, I'm sorry. I wanna say what Dan would say about the guy in the car, and I am pretty sure you know exactly what I am talking about LMFAO.

I am so sorry that you had to go through that and at such a young age.

thanx everyone for being so supportive i feel so much better now.

I'm sorry to what has happened to your bestfriend. Even though it's years ago, I know you still miss him It's really traumatizing, I know. It's been 6 months since my exbf's brother died on a car crash which is my father's fault and I still get nightmare up to now.

It feels good to vent out and let go of that painful thing off your chest once in a while. It's nice you did that now.

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>

grieving is a process and it takes times to heal. You are off to a great start. Admitting it is half the battle. Allow yourself to grieve and know that your friend is still with you in spirit.