Reviews of "Please Stop Laughing at Me"

After my last post on, "Would you laugh if you heard this?", I've kept studying the issue of adult victims of bullying and I've kept doing my homework on finding a therapist/support group with some focus on the subject. I found some potential therapists on PTSD, but I'm holding out in case I find a closer match. I want more than anything to find a support group, I've never had an open discussion with other victims.

I came across the book, "Please Stop Laughing at Me" by Jodee Blanco. I read it cover to cover, then wondered what other people must have thought when they read it. I identified with Jodee in almost everyway. Same plots, just different details.

I decided to see what the reviews of the book were. I had the time of my life reading the reviews on Amazon. THIS is the discussion I've been after! Most of the reviews are positive, but when I read the negative reviews, I started to understand what people were/are probably thinking about me, but never said it. They'd just behave in little ugly ways....perhaps because I tend to always try to do the "right" thing like Jodee. Almost every review that gave the book a 1 or 2 commented that she seemed self-righteous or that she thought people were so jealous of her because she was/is smart. hmmm. Some people doubted the author's honesty in telling the story or suspected she left out details about herself, in a way the low-score reviewers showed that they would have bullied her too if given the chance simply because they don't like her. I rest my case.

LINK:
http://www.amazon.com/review/product...rBy=addOneStar

Ms. Blanco also has her own site on bullying and it is wonderful.
http://www.jodeeblanco.com/

> I rest my case.

What is your case or argument?

I have not read the book, but I do like to read reader reviews on Amazon -- both the positive and negative. I find the most positive ones to be sometimes overboard and not too helpful -- even when I like the book a lot. Some of the ones in between are more useful.

My point...
In prior discussions, I commented that I seem to keep getting into situations where I need to confront someone about their negative behavior. I've resisted giving up on people, but I've been at wits end trying to deal with things that people do or say that trigger anxiety in me because I am or perceive to be bullied.

Almost always it seems the person is acting that way because they're jealous or they just can't deal with a female boss or some other ridiculous problem they have. Repeatedly, I ask the question: What did I ever do to you to deserve this? But the problem isn't what I DID to them, it's just that bullies pick up on kind-hearted people real fast, and they tear you apart simply because they see that they can. It makes them feel good to chop you down to size because, from their point of view, you've gotten too big for your britches.

The people who gave Jodee a bad review often commented that they thought she was self-righteous and made too much of an effort to show how smart she is. However, from a victim's point of view, I can understand what it feels like to be in a catch-22, if you show you're smart, you'll get praise, a raise, or good grades. But there will always be someone watching you who says, *#@# you! That person who hates you will try to tear you down. That's my point.

Read the comments, people admited to going from sympathy to hatred just because she described herself to be a caring, intelligent person. Her objective was to give her bio so people could be more sensitive to the impact of bullying. Yet, there are still some people who have the nerve to say they don't like the author personally. I was very happy to see most people enjoyed the book anyway.

One reviewer said something that made me think about my own behavior that may trigger the worse in people and that was that Jodee didn't understand how the kids would react to her statements. When she was invited to egg an old lady's house, she said she didn't want to because it's mean. The reviewer said Jodee should have just said "No, I don't want to..." By getting into a moral discussion with kids who don't care about moral behavior at the time, Jodee set herself up to be disliked. I'm sure I've done this many times, but no one has ever explained that the comments I was making could be perceived as "self-righteous." I got to the point that I felt I should hide my accomplishments because they would inevitably only make someone jealous. I think I'm humble, but maybe others don't.

Other people wrote as if Jodee hid anything about herself that is "wrong," as if they were fishing for it throughout the book. Now, thinking back over nearly 50 years worth of hardship in friendships, I think that's what I've been getting from people. No one has ever really given me honest feedback because they're guilty of something they did to me and I cut them off like cancer. So we don't talk. I need a support group or therapist that can identify these sorts of problems.

Jodee's intro describes how adult victims of bullying become overachievers as she did. I'm guilty. We feel confidence in who we are and want the best for others. No matter how often we say care about others and always want to do the right thing, SOMEONE will come along and pick on us BECAUSE we want to do the right thing.

I wish someone could help me understand it. It's such a sad world.

After all the relationships I've ever had with friends, family, and coworkers, all I have to show for it is a paycheck, house, car, and a mate who doesn't get what the problem is. No one. I can forgive people and try to reunite, but I live in fear that they'll only hurt me again. These aren't petty things either. Stealing from me, threatening phone calls, excluding me, spreading gossip about , criticizing my looks in a nasty manner to hurt my feelings in public, it goes on and on.

Having your own ideas about people does not necessarily mean you have to tell them. I think it doesn't work most often. You may find an occasional one that you can be direct with. Others you have to finesse it with. That's not necessarily bad. You have to remember that they may be expecting something from you, because of their past experiences, that in fact you are not going to do to them.

And yes, I've met quite a few people who hate you because you try to do good. I guess you have to try to do it in spite of them.

Yes, I can see what you mean. It is hard though, when people do good in spite of what others may think, are they also good at discerning which people support them and which do not?

My boyfriend says that's my real problem, I want to trust everyone and I assume everyone is naturally nice. How do you discern? Is that part of some training? Seriously, I don't know how to.

dunnit, a support group of those who share the same experience is not a totally bad thing, but only for support, not therapy. PTSD doesn't do groups well most of the time. Still go for the individual therapy, don't put it off.

I'd just love to hear or read an honest discussion on the topics of jealousy and self-righteousness as a start. It feels as if people are rarely really honest with each other.

On the therapist issue, is it rude to ask for a free first time meeting? I keep thinking that I'll go through 10 therapists and waste a lot of money trying to find someone I feel comfortable with. I think most people/therapist will:
a. try to minimize what I feel
b. think I'm arrogant and give me a look of, "Just who do you think you are, lady?" or
c. blame me for the bad behavior of others

I'm convinced I bring out the worst in people, even a therapist. I'd rather find some sensitivity training that helps me understand people better.

The "free first time meeting" is called a consultation. It's very common to get one free, but you do have to ask. It might not be a full "hour" though.

I think to learn to understand yourself first is best, then you'll understand others better automatically.

Thanks Sky.

Here's a popular Mother Teresa poem from my sweetie, it sums up my life.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa

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dunnit260 said:
Thanks Sky.

Here's a popular Mother Teresa poem from my sweetie, it sums up my life.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa

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I love that poem. I think it speaks so much to how we should live our lives. Thanks for posting this.