Why?

I don't know if this is the right forum to post this, if not, please feel free to change it wherever you think it belongs into.


I have tried to talk on yahoo messenger, on msn, on skype but I canceled all my membership on this online communication. Why? Because when I get too close to someone I get this strong, really strong feeling that I am in “danger”.

I don’t know why I have this feeling or where it comes from. I could be talking with someone very kind who wouldn’t hurt me but it comes a time I have to back away from this caring person because “ this feeling “ is too strong in me.

This feeling gets me upset, stress out, hyper, I have difficulty sleeping as if I have to stay awake just in case I will be attack, the adrenaline in me gets way up, same as if I am really in danger.

I have tried a few times here in PC’s chatroom but I can’t try often as this feeling fight to come out and when I go I can’t stay long. Even when it is the time of “ Dr John ‘s questions and answers “ I can’t stay for the whole session.

I can’t explain to myself why. I would like to know why because I could work on it but I don’t know why.

I know at these times that I am not in danger it’s just silly of me.

Thank you for reading.

(((( Justgiving ))))

I understand. I do not use instant messaging with anyone either, not even good friends.

I also don't go into PC chat. To me it feels like being in a crowded room IRL and it makes me feel trapped.

One difference is, I don't feel like I'm in any danger. It's more a feeling of total vulnerability. Like I've been hiding all my life and now people want me to "show myself" but the world is too scary a place for me.

So I keep a barrier up to protect myself from getting scammed or hurt or lied to.

I'm always on alert. It's how I was raised.

Can u remind yourslef those feelings are from the past..and that now its different. That help me.

(((justgiving)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I understand
Please know you are a good person
you matter

Muffy

Thank you all for replying and for your kindness.

I might have been raised " on alert " but I don't know because I don't remember, not even, ever being a child.

I do remember though since my teenage years. I do remember a lot of times when I have been in danger, also a lot of times when I was on alert not only for myself but for others close to me. I do remember not too long ago when my life was in danger for trusting someone very close to me ( something that I don't want to remember, that I want to block but flashbacks keeps popping much too often).

Trust, that powerful word, trust that has hurt me so often.

I know that many people wouldn't hurt me but " this feeling of being in danger " doesn't agree with me.

I want to say that I'm sorry to all the kind people who has offered me to talk to me online or by phone, right now I can't but who knows the future.

Thank you!
Weird Justgiving