brought on the recall, good or bad?

ok, to put it short and sweet, i just grounded from recalling an event that happened about two years ago. some guy i really really liked took advantage of me, and about an hour ago, or maybe two (?) i started smelling his hair, his cologne and everything. i felt his hair in my fingers, i saw the shadows creeping up along the walls, practically every detail... so... i made it through, did not recall the sexual act, except for a few quick flickers...

this is probably the least "traumatizing" event in my history of abuse (besides, i let him), but i freaked out at first anyway.

now i have grounded, but there's lots of anger inside.

i thought i had gotten over it, since i never really "thought about it".

no, not in therapy, i don't know if i will be soon, because every time i open up to the psych nurse they just think i'm psychotic, but i'm trying all the time.

any comments are appreciated. i try to google every time i get this weird stuff, but i don't get it, it's too medical, too much big words, whatever. it doesn't sink in. weird it's only when i post here it makes sense?


twilight

HI i amtwilight,

I think that things keep coming back until they are fully processed by us - do you know what the trigger was? Are you speaking with a psychologist or psychiatrist? a psyche nurse can only do so much and they only have limited knowledge so they can only help to a degree - I know that things only started to settle when I got talking to a psychologist who could help me make sense of it all (well some of it!)

I am glad you are grounded and that you got through this - give yourself a pat on the back P7

Hi Twilight, you're still angry about it then........

((twilight))
it's rough when things like this happen to us...I'm sorry you had to go through it, and I applaud your getting grounded and recognizing your anger.

I am truly sorry you are having problems getting by the psych nurse! It's sad that a member of my profession would this way.
I offer an apology for her behavior...
Most of us are not like her--is there any chance you could see another one?

Google can be good and it can be bad! Please be cautious about what you are reading, especially when it comes to mental health. There are far too many people who claim to be experts...

My best wishes for getting in to see a psychiatrist or psychologist for therapy--and possible meds?
Perhaps you could save your post and print it. Many times we can write about things that are hard to say to someone IRL.

Cap

thanks (((all))). i got more of the memory the night i posted that, went to bed to write some stuff off my head, and yesterday was still a bit daunting, but today it seems that i'm coming to terms with the whole thing.

also capp - this is the second psych nurse i'm seeing, and she seems pretty reluctant to put me into psychotherapy. but then again, we've just had 2 appointments. waiting, waiting, waiting.


twilight

She sounds like an itch with a capital B!
would you be comfortable confronting her about her reluctance? obviously, as calm and focused as you can be?
it may give you and her a chance to overcome this problem.

whatever you decide to do, please know that you are in my thoughts for peace and (em)power,
Cap

I agree with Capp, are you able to discuss with her that you would think seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist would help you? I know its early days as you say you;ve only seen her a couple of times but its worth a try.

I am glad that you are "coming to terms" with your recall, and I wish you luck with the psych Nurse - P7