[skeksi]

A lot of my PTSD symptoms have really improved since I started treatment. Even my startle is not so bad now! However, if I get surprised or caught off guard, I am still quite likely to tear up and feel really out of control of my emotions. It's not like I burst into tears anything, but it's noticeable (for example, if I talk, my voice gives away how upset I am).

Intellectually, I know I'm probably having a fear reaction. Still, it feels like my reaction is "out of proportion," which I know is the PTSD, but it's embarrassing!

I'd just like to hear from other folks; do you have similar experiences? I'm hoping to feel less alone.

Originally Posted by skeksi

A lot of my PTSD symptoms have really improved since I started treatment. Even my startle is not so bad now! However, if I get surprised or caught off guard, I am still quite likely to tear up and feel really out of control of my emotions. It's not like I burst into tears anything, but it's noticeable (for example, if I talk, my voice gives away how upset I am).

Intellectually, I know I'm probably having a fear reaction. Still, it feels like my reaction is "out of proportion," which I know is the PTSD, but it's embarrassing!

I'd just like to hear from other folks; do you have similar experiences? I'm hoping to feel less alone.

Hi Skeksi,

Yes I do still . I have cut off reactions that hit me like a mac truck . I don't get them often. I had an incident happen two weeks ago on the phone and the person depersonalized me accused me something I wasn't doing and hung up on me.

It sent me right back into a regressive place as a child again. I believe anger is also normal after crying.

Due to the day in and day out emotional and less frequent physical and sexual trauma ( .The last of it being when I was 32 ) I place myself In the CPSTD range. I have a handel on most of it . I cry more now out of just the tiredness of it being so long a journey . I still get those out of the corner of my eye flash backs where certain movements men make trigger the past events. Its difficult sitting in Barnes and Nobel reading and haveing that happen.

I do startle easily But no longer cry . I had a car accident years ago which triggered my symptoms . It was like It jared open a door to a freezer. I would cry and cry when For 14 years prior I never shed a tear.

I still have reactions if I think someone may be making fun of me . My first instict is momentairy paralsis then a withdrawl and then a promise to myself to never go near the person or persons again.

Protection. If I have missread the situation it can have an unnessesary negative effect on an innocent party.

Part of the package unfortunately.

Be gental with yourself.

Patricia

[phoenix7]

I tear up but am unable to cry - i think it would be a good release - but i cant do it. Maybe that part of me is irretrievably broken

I still startle at stupid things - one of my co-workers thinks its really funny to jump out at me - yeah very funny NOT! but i laugh it off so he wont know he got to me - Ive tried talking to him but he thinks its a big joke - (thats after I drop down from the ceiling LOL)

I'm hyper alert until it exhausts me - then im exhausted which either makes me ill or lets in the depression beast

When im really anxious i triple check everything - lose my words - stop mid sentence and have no words - (how to look like an idiot without really trying !) stutter and my hands shake - but not so often now thank heavens - things do improve - it takes a lot of hard work - patience (Grrrrr) time (double grrrrr ) and relapses and hope (which is often in short supply nowadays)

You are NOT alone,

[Capp]

Originally Posted by skeksi

A lot of my PTSD symptoms have really improved since I started treatment. Even my startle is not so bad now! However, if I get surprised or caught off guard, I am still quite likely to tear up and feel really out of control of my emotions. It's not like I burst into tears anything, but it's noticeable (for example, if I talk, my voice gives away how upset I am).

Intellectually, I know I'm probably having a fear reaction. Still, it feels like my reaction is "out of proportion," which I know is the PTSD, but it's embarrassing!

I'd just like to hear from other folks; do you have similar experiences? I'm hoping to feel less alone.

((skeksi))
I commend you on the progress you've made with your PTSD...it takes courage and strength to keep at it.

You are definitely not alone in experiencing this, skeksi.
For me, it was a lingering part of my startle reaction.
It took a long time for this feeling to ease off, and there are days when it still rears its' head...

Jmo, but it's not out of proportion. It does feel embarrassing when it happens to us. We cope with it the best we can, but don't beat yourself up about it, please.
Besides, there is nothing wrong in your voice quivering or if you did tear up. We are on the path of healing and doing the best we can each step of the way.
We have a bundle of feelings that we are working through, and it can be slightly overwhelming.
Time. A four letter word that is very unpopular!

Peace and Power,
Cap

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by Auroralso

It sent me right back into a regressive place as a child again.

Yeah, I think this is part of it--I definitely feel like a little kid when this happens. Thanks for the insight.

Originally Posted by phoenix7

When im really anxious i triple check everything - lose my words - stop mid sentence and have no words - (how to look like an idiot without really trying !) stutter and my hands shake

Yeah, a lot of times when I tear up I'm also frozen. Clearly fear, though I don't want to admit it! It helps to hear I'm not alone, P7.

Originally Posted by Capp

For me, it was a lingering part of my startle reaction.
It took a long time for this feeling to ease off, and there are days when it still rears its' head...

Jmo, but it's not out of proportion. It does feel embarrassing when it happens to us. We cope with it the best we can, but don't beat yourself up about it, please.
Besides, there is nothing wrong in your voice quivering or if you did tear up.

Thanks so much for this, Cap. It really helped me feel more tolerant of myself. I like looking at this as part of the startle reaction. The hard part is accepting it, I guess.

This happened to me yesterday in a physical training class with people who I do trust. I think today when I see my instructor I might say something to him. This is just how I am, and I can be okay with it if everyone else can be, I guess.

[skymonk]

I also startle easy at certain things. I fall apart when someone yells, criticizes or sexually touches me lately. Makes intimate relationships hard. But remember, as someone else said, don't beat yourself up about it&you're not the only one who feels this way. I can cry sometimes&at others not. Part of that is that in my past I was beaten for crying at hurtful remarks&currently I have a bf that ignores me when he's said something really insensitive to me. I tend to cry when no one is around to see me or in public places-why in public is OK I don't know...as long as there is no one I know around. Crying helps some times, so if it's helpful or feels better than stuffing it-do it-it's cathartic.

[skeksi]

Crying definitely helps me, and I've never had a problem with being able to do it. It's not always socially appropriate, though, and that's what frustrates me, when it happens in situations where I need to maintain composure. I mean, I can't cry in a meeting with my boss because someone in the hallway raises their voice!

I do see that my reactivity will decrease with time, as my treatment continues and my ability to cope with triggers improves. Still, it's so frustrating to feel like I'm the crazy girl! Resistance of my symptoms won't change them, though, so I've got to find a way to accept them and manage them.

[Capp]

Originally Posted by skeksi

Crying definitely helps me, and I've never had a problem with being able to do it. It's not always socially appropriate, though, and that's what frustrates me, when it happens in situations where I need to maintain composure. I mean, I can't cry in a meeting with my boss because someone in the hallway raises their voice!

I do see that my reactivity will decrease with time, as my treatment continues and my ability to cope with triggers improves. Still, it's so frustrating to feel like I'm the crazy girl! Resistance of my symptoms won't change them, though, so I've got to find a way to accept them and manage them.

skeksi,
Talk with your T.--sorry, I assumed you had one when you mentioned about starting treatment.
There are ways you can learn to manage them. Part of the battle is already won, skeksi. You are aware of what's happening and willing to do what is necessary...

You have shown courage and honesty. You have my respect...

Cap

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by skeksi;897919)

I do see that my reactivity will decrease with time, as my treatment continues and my ability to cope with triggers improves

[B

yes, things can and do get better [/B]

Still, it's so frustrating to feel like I'm the crazy girl!

Hey there are a lot of us crazy girls around LOL but yes its frustrating - I try to make a joke of it when i can - I say hey dont mess wiht the crazy girl, just smile and back away slowly!

Resistance of my symptoms won't change them, though, so I've got to find a way to accept them and manage them.

that is a great statement - I hope you find a way with your T to deal with this - take care

[skeksi]

Cap, I do have a T, a wonderful one! I have been seeing him for nearly three years, so I am light years from the mess I used to be. It's daunting sometimes, not to be where I want to be. I mean, I thought after 3 years I'd be fine! And here I am *still* working on the trauma. Guess that's the journey.

As for the most recent bout of tears, I bravely went back to class today and managed just fine. My instructor did pull me aside and said I get impatient with myself, which slows my progress, but that I am doing just fine. He is a kind and reassuring person. I know that if I persist in challenging myself, I will eventually rise to the challenges in the way I'd like. Practice makes perfect, right?

Thanks all for all your supportive words. I'll definitely keep you posted!

[Christine1123]

I feel the same way. You're not alone. It's been two years for some trauma and 13 years for other trauma, and I'm still not past any of it. I feel like a big baby, honestly. It's normal to feel suddenly sad or start crying over what seems like nothing, especially if something triggers a bad memory. No reason to be embarrassed, you sound like a very strong person and I hope you get better soon.

[Christine1123]

Originally Posted by Auroralso

Hi Skeksi,

Yes I do still . I have cut off reactions that hit me like a mac truck . I don't get them often. I had an incident happen two weeks ago on the phone and the person depersonalized me accused me something I wasn't doing and hung up on me.

It sent me right back into a regressive place as a child again. I believe anger is also normal after crying.

Due to the day in and day out emotional and less frequent physical and sexual trauma ( .The last of it being when I was 32 ) I place myself In the CPSTD range. I have a handel on most of it . I cry more now out of just the tiredness of it being so long a journey . I still get those out of the corner of my eye flash backs where certain movements men make trigger the past events. Its difficult sitting in Barnes and Nobel reading and haveing that happen.

I do startle easily But no longer cry . I had a car accident years ago which triggered my symptoms . It was like It jared open a door to a freezer. I would cry and cry when For 14 years prior I never shed a tear.

I still have reactions if I think someone may be making fun of me . My first instict is momentairy paralsis then a withdrawl and then a promise to myself to never go near the person or persons again.

Protection. If I have missread the situation it can have an unnessesary negative effect on an innocent party.

Part of the package unfortunately.

Be gental with yourself.

Patricia

I am so sorry about everything you went through. I really hope you can find peace.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by Christine1123

I feel like a big baby, honestly.

Yep, that's it exactly.

I think we are all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Being able to see the emotional ups and downs as symptoms--and not the problem--helps me. When I can do it. Which isn't as often as I'd like!

[jennyj11]

i do sometimes cry for no reason whatsoever i am getting tired of it sometimes a song will trigger it and i dont know what to do about it