PTSD kicking up

Thanks for the hug MeSo.

Saw T yesterday and slept a little better last night.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better!

Thanks skeksi.

Yeah!!! sleep is good!!! I hope you feel a lot better really really really soon

Thanks buddy. I do feel better today.

ARGH.

I'm trying really, really, really, hard not to get myself worked up over a few sudden-onset health issues. I see my GP this month and my hem/onc next month and I'll tell them both what's going on, but of course I will worry until then.

Two of the symptoms can be for all kinds of things, but both are symptoms of leukemia, which these stupid myeloproliferative disorders can turn into. It's also a side effect of the stupid chemo pills I take. (There's risk it will accelerate the progression to leukemia.)

I'm just being overly nervous. Not only because both my parents died of cancer but because my grandmother died of blood cancer. Plus, hubby's aunt was just dx'ed with breast cancer and it isn't looking so good for her.

That news has spiked my anxiety which in turn heightens all my PTSD symptoms.

I KNOW it's probably nothing. I HATE being so paranoid and wimpy.

It's only been five and a half months since my mom died and the loss is still raw. Plus all the other recent deaths still have me spinning.

Thanks for listening. I thought if I got it off my chest, the fear and anxiety might not hold so much power over me.

I'll let you know if it worked.

There's been a terrible twist in the story. The family is in total shock.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...59#post1047459

So Sorry Orange Blossom

Thank you phoenix. Thanks for always showing how much you care.

Didn't work out so good.

Death has always held such power over me starting back when I was a little girl.

I'm feeling rather defeated by it.

When we go, where we go
When we’re dead
Is the verdict still out?

Do we get into line
To line up with those long dead now?

With the muffled tears of sorrow
Bones underground
Is this time our time?

Dave Matthews Band

Maybe all wounds are healed
and all pain is gone
we no longer fight
cos the battle is won

and we all sit and chat
and dance in the sun
and love is the rule
because peace has won

P7

I'm first in line.

beautiful, I wish for this.....

((((((((((( Orange ))))))))))))

((((((((((( phoenix )))))))))))

I had a disturbing dream about the family member who recently went missing and ended up taking her own life. In the dream I was her child and I was banging on the window of the car screaming for someone to come wake her up.

But no one heard me because we were alone in a forest surrounded by huge barbed wire fences. I started to run, looking for help but I tripped and ended up teetering over a ditch which I realized was a burial site. I was scared of being buried alive and when I stood up, I was my adult self again and my brothers were pulling the family member out of the car door window. Then I woke up.

I'm pretty sure this has to do with me being afraid my father was not really dead when they buried him and I didn't want to leave him there because he'd be so scared and lonely. I also wished I had put one of my stuffed animals in with him. Maybe my hippo.

The child/mother thing is probably because I was near the same age as the son of the relative who just died, or maybe it has to do with trying to deal with the recent death of my mother. Maybe it was my mother my brothers were pulling out of the car to take her with them to go see my father.

Anyway, it really sucked and I'm feeling left out and abandoned.

(((((Blossom)))))

Im sorry you had such a scary dream Orang Blossom - I think it syour mind trying to work things out - tell it you would like to either have peace or a lovely dream to keep you company tonight and I hope it does supply that for you.

take care P7

Thanks pachy and phoenix. I really do appreciate you stopping by to offer support.

There is a whole lot you can analyze from dreams good and bad, happiness and fear. Unfourtunalety I am not an expert But what I do know... a lot of truth comes out in your dreams... write/dot in down... and talk to a T... maybe they cane help you thru this?

{{{{{{{{{OrangeFloweryBud}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks karoliina and okso.

Bad dreams suck.

((((((((((Orange Blossom)))))))))))
I really hope you are doing better.
I hope the bad dreams are gone or at least lessening.
Willow sends you one of her stuffies
Vicki sends you a spare pair of her sunglasses
and I send Hugs

Howa re you Orange Blossom ?

((((((((((((( Orange ))))))))))))))))

If I'm being honest I have to say I'm doing yucky.

The problem with that is I don't feel I can be honest.

Everyone really wants me to feel better and I totally appreciate that, but because I still feel yucky and can't seem to get "unstuck" I feel like I'm letting people down.

So for now I'll just say, "I'm hangin' in there."

((((((((orange blossom )))))))))

you dont have to pretend - yes we all want you to feel better and we are all sending you all the positive intentions we can - BUT you are where you are and we are here for you if you are happy or sad or sadder and no matter how long the sadness lasts we are here for you - we and many others here are your friend and that doesnt change no matter howyou feel - so dont try to be happy for us - be how you are - its the only way to get through it ok.