[italianmonkee13]

my score was a 144....i been having a lot of problems in life and its hard to cope with...i am hurting people that i love and most of all almost losing my boyfriend...i been on my last thread with him....i think i need a lot of help and i think i have bipoar and mania....i hate feeling the way i do also i have thoughts on killin myself...im short fueled, things that get my mad when they really should...i feel like i cant trust anyone anymore, im hard and myself, i really keep my thoughts bottle up and i feel like i cant talk to anyone about it and i shut down the people that are close to me and wont talk at all....right now me and my boyfriend are kinda separted and i hate being apart from him but i do think in a way its for the best if anyone can help and put some input in it would be greatly apprecitated of what i should do next...thanks

[Pink Mist]

Hey. Giving people trust is hard when they give you reason to doubt. Is there any reason you shouldn't trust your BF? Bottling up your thoughts only make you feel worse inside. Post your feelings in the forums and check out the Bipolar forums along with depression. I'm not so great with relationshop advice, but if you if you want to be with him then I say try to work it out. However, don't feel like you want to be with him because you were comfortable with it, nothing is worse than feeling stuck. Sometimes we all feel empty and sad but there is always a reason to stay here and fight through everyday struggles. You will find the right person for you (if you and your BF don't work) and things will start looking better. It is just a matter of waiting and being patient. I'm sorry for you I hope you feel better.

[italianmonkee13]

no thats the thing i trust him with everything and i know he wont do anything to hurt me...i see it in the other way as if if he wanted someone else why would he keep me around all the time and bring me everywhere with him....but theres then theres the little devil in my head that tells me other wise....i love him to death and now we talked and he is willing to work with me and help me get help....i went and seen my dr today to start meds to help a little bit...and it was the first time in a long time i herd him say something on the rewarding side not that it really should be like that but it was...i also see if he didnt believe that this wouldnt work by me getting help he would have tossed me out...but in other words he did say to me he has grown to hate me but i know somewhere he still loves me.....which i really hope he does....and i hope this really works bc i really dont wanna lose him at all... when i went to the dr today she told me that she should have let me even walk out of there today thats how bad that i am...