[TehSmokeyMan]

So I've been feeling like c*** lately. I wish I could say how long this has been going on, but my memory's shot. I also have trouble focusing lately, trouble keeping track of what day it is and so forth.

I don't feel safe anymore at home. I can't get any rest here either... A lot of the time I don't even feel like I'm part of life (I actually feel like I'm looking at the people around me, living their lives, through a window)...

I also get angrier and angrier lately. I'm starting to feel like I can't trust myself anymore...

I had my doc make an appointment last Friday, but I feel like I needed to share this here. Maybe I really want some feedback, maybe I just need to vent my anxiety...

I don't know where I should post this, so I thought I'd start by sharing my Sanity Score... :

Overall score: 130

General Coping 79
Life Events 25
Depression 72
Anxiety 58
Phobias 33
Self-Esteem 100
Eating Disorders 30
Schizophrenia 50
Dissociation 75
Mania 75
Sexual Issues 31
Relationship Issues 0
Alcohol 8
Drugs 8
Physical Issues 17
Smoking Issues 13
Gambling Issues 0
Technology Issues 0
Obsessions/Compulsions 81
Posttraumatic Stress 33
Borderline Traits 50

[Skeezyks]

Hello TehSmokeyMan: Thanks for sharing your scores. I'm sorry you are struggling. I don't know anything about your situation... but quite a bit of what you wrote I can relate to. I'm an older person. And I live a mostly solitary lifestyle. I seldom leave the house (except to walk the dog.) My short term memory is pretty-much shot. I wish more of my long term memory was.

I tend to feel as though I'm watching life go by through the window. Actually, come to think of it, that's just what I'm doing. In my case, that's okay. I don't really want to be "out there". But I also struggle with quite a bit of anger. I'm not on any psych med's. Occasionally it occurs to me that's probably just as well...

Anyway, it's good you'll be having an opportunity to see your doc. Hope that's helpful. I still have a pdoc even though I'm no longer on med's. I see him once a year, just to keep my foot in the door, so to speak, in case I need him for something in the future. I have an appointment scheduled for a week from tomorrow (Monday).

[TehSmokeyMan]

I really don't know what to feel anymore, most of my emotions are in direct conflict with each other. That is, when I can focus enough to try to comprehend what I'm feeling...

It's like, for each thing I feel there's someone else in my head making me feel the opposite, which usually results in a lot of screaming and shouting back and forth in my head... It's getting a bit tiring...

But I probably still have about a year of 50-60 of my life to serve... Making me wonder what it is exactly that I did to deserve this sentence. Then again every time I think this, another discussion starts in my head where I'm reminded that I have myself to thank for all this...

That window seemed safe for me for a long time. But it seems now that i was staring through my prison window...

[BrowseAfterMidnight]

Hi!
I can relate to your issues... I have also been having problems with concentration and anger lately and I feel like I'm not part of life from time to time. I even scored similarly on depression, anxiety and mania.
I hope life will get better eventually!