Not sure what to tell T. She thinks I have 5 session left on insurance, but she doesn't yet know I went to see another T over our break. I am going to tell her and why.
I think I am going to stay with my current T, first of all she is willing to learn how to deal with me, she is a younger T. She knows trauma stuff very well, but more on women's violence, than on child abuse I think. Something about her eyes makes me not want to trust her, it reminds me of my mom.

I kinda feel lost though. I don't have anymore hope in finding anyone else. That last lady kinda put off trying to find another T.

I am really feeling down on the whole profession right now, not even sure if I want to work in it. I am truly appalled at some T's right now and how they act and the things they do.

I had a friend who decided to become a T, who is practicing on college students as an internship, when she clearly isn't strong enough to handle her own life, she was fighting suicidal thoughts all the time while working on her past life in therapy. But she started working with people as a T after she came out of the mental hospital within weeks of this. I brought this up, and now she is not my friend anymore because I was honest with her. Did her college know this before they allowed her to practice with just a few actually T courses? Probably not. I just feel T's have responsibilities to their clients and if they are in no shape themselves mentally, they aren't strong enough to handle their clients either. I know colleges offer free therapy using their students as the T's in training, but they clearly need to screen their students and their students mental health more. There are lots of other learning internships where you don't work one on one with clients. I know for me, I want to make sure my serious issues are resolved before becoming a T, I don't want my stuff to come into the room. But now I am thinking I would be better off doing something else because I am so disgusted with the profession right now.
Just looking for a T myself, and finding it HARD to find a good one, tells me a lot of things.

I am not sure why I feel so sad right now. I am not even sure I want to continue with therapy and go through the roller coaster ride again.

tell her the truth. everything. show her this post.

technically you don't have to explain anything to her about the missing sessions but i would...and i would say it all...and see where that leads you...really you have nothing to lose.

[Dinah]

But you've also experienced a good therapist and how helpful one can be. I noticed that you were doing very well under T2. I don't know how you experienced him in session, but I experienced him, through you, as being a very good therapist.

It was a shame he got so ill.

There are other good ones out there, and they can be very helpful. You just have to kiss a few frogs first. It's a very important decision. You spend time and money and emotional investment. You'd shop around for a car, it seems only right to shop around for a therapist.

Thanks Stumpy,

I will tell her, that is just me being upfront kind of client I am , sometimes too upfront. lol
By the way thanks for all your support during my speech thing at school. I came in 4th out of 500 ! I feel good about it, kinda want to do more of this thing, even if it SO HARD. It still amazes me, being the most shy ever in class 2 yrs. ago to becoming a gregarious student that teachers like in class. I probably still need to find a place somewhere in between though, or heck, if they can't take it they can go in another profession. heehee
I plan on telling my T what I did, and the horrible thing that happened, and why I am going to stay with her, even though I feel she isn't as experienced with dealing with people like me. I read what you wrote about your T who first experienced a multiple being with you and her having the deer in the headlights thing. I think my T is somewhat going through the same thing with the extend of the abuse I experienced. I personally think they should treat us for free because of the all the teaching we are giving them! :-).
Stumpy, you will be okay with your T's vacation. You might actually like the break, you can come and visit me, okay, dogs and all. :-) It would be fun! We can go on speaking tour too!

[quote=Dinah;1036076]But you've also experienced a good therapist and how helpful one can be. I noticed that you were doing very well under T2. I don't know how you experienced him in session, but I experienced him, through you, as being a very good therapist.

HI DInah,

He was a good therapist in some cases, he helped me through my brother's death and with my first granddaughter who died at 28days all that happened at the same time.

But he didn't do so well with the amount of disclosure he used during my sessions. It was good "T training" at being a humanistic T, that I am grateful for , but it interfered with my personal therapy though. But it also made it hard to tell him what I needed to about my stuff, because I was afraid of hurting him. Then I had to confront him about his medical problems, which he was being delusional about, that it was affecting our sessions because he couldn't remember anything. And telling a T who is already past retirement age who is still working because he feels he can still do good with people, that he isn't doing so good and that what I am telling him is probably be the end of his career was excruciating painful for me. He didn't want to believe me then, and now I hear he is truly retiring now.
THen the whole thing he couldn't work with me about my anger about what my T1 did to me with his sexual counter-transference, because it reminded him of a time he had to terminate a client prematurely for the same reasons. I reminded him of that pain that he knew his client had to go through when he terminated them. Plus T1 and him were very close colleagues, which makes me suspect about the whole thing too.

I am just tired of looking for a good T, there should be a abundant of them out there, don't ya think? Maybe I need to go out of town to find a T who isn't a part of my unethcial T1 groupy fan club.

[sunrise]

I think once you find one good T that you can trust and respect and that has good skills, they can steer you to their colleagues who are similarly good. The trick is finding the first good one. My current T has given me good referrals for a therapist for my daughter, a family therapist for me and my daughter, a PNP for me, and a child specialist (who is a therapist) to work on the child issues in our divorce. All of these Ts have been good and my T has not lead me down a bad road once. If I didn't have my T, I don't think I would have done half so well in finding all these other Ts. For example, I asked my daughter's doctor for a referral to a child or teen therapist for her, and did not get any good leads. There was one practice they mentioned and I looked into it and it was very medical and I was afraid they would prescribe drugs to my daughter if I took her there. Another suggestion her doc had was from a flyer that came in the mail to her office about a child therapist. This is how she makes a referral? Anyway, so my T has been invaluable. So if you know a good one, ask them for other names in their network of colleagues.

I am just tired of looking for a good T, there should be a abundant of them out there, don't ya think? Maybe I need to go out of town to find a T who isn't a part of my unethcial T1 groupy fan club.

That might not be a bad idea.

Thanks Sunrise,

I might need to get out of our small city or something, if it comes to that. But before I get referrals for my family, i need to find a T for me first! lol For now I am going to stay with my young T, she is very motivated to help me, and sometimes that is what matters the most. She often asks me, when I talk about interactions I have had from other T's , what do you think they have learned from me?

I am a little worried too about me, feeling kinda down the last few days. It is the first time since I have been over my deep depression. I know it is only a few days, but it worries me that I am going to slide back into that hole again. I feel physically off too, so maybe that is it. I have these hard knots at the base of my head that hurt when I touch them. Maybe I am fighting an infection or something, I just feel weak.

Originally Posted by exoticflower

I am a little worried too about me, feeling kinda down the last few days. It is the first time since I have been over my deep depression. I know it is only a few days, but it worries me that I am going to slide back into that hole again. I feel physically off too, so maybe that is it. I have these hard knots at the base of my head that hurt when I touch them. Maybe I am fighting an infection or something, I just feel weak.

Take care of yourself! Maybe put a hot washcloth on those knots and see if that helps.