Can't remember what he looks like

Today I was thinking of the family therapist that my daughter and I saw for about 9 months and I can't remember what he looks like. We ended therapy with him 3 weeks ago. How can I not remember what he looks like? I can get a general kind of fuzzy image--the right color hair and build, but not the specifics. I wish I had a photo of him.

When I end therapy with my own therapist, will I also forget him so quickly?

(((((((((((((Sunrise)))))))))))))
I have found - if it is any help at all - that with loss, this happens at first. The details go missing and it is terrible that they are gone! But then, the more I remembered sayings, laughter, certain phrases - it all came back. The details are as clear as if the person were really in front of me.
Hopefully it will be that way for you also.
kiya

Thank you, Kiya. I hope so too. This makes me realize even more how important it is not to leave things unsaid when you end therapy.

This happened to me when I first started therapy and it was very frustrating. As soon as I walked out that door, I'd lose T's face. I think it was resistance to the process initially. After a while that didn't happen any longer.

During my last session, I spent most of the session trying to memorize T's face. I was so afraid I'd forget... I know it was awkward for him, but he put up with it. I've been out of therapy since December 10, 2008 and T's face is still crystal clear in my mind, thank goodness. I've often longed for a photo of him as well, but I never felt it would be right to ask for one.

I agree that it is very important to not leave anything left unsaid when leaving therapy...or at the end of any relationship for that matter. I like to think of my own T as knowing that he made a huge difference in my life. I'm really happy that I told him that he had.

I've always thought of this (forgetting faces) as a way that the mind protects itself from the pain and reality of loss. Maybe in time as you adjust to no longer seeing the family therapist, his face will come back to you. But it doesn't mean you'll ever forget your own T's face. I haven't forgotten mine.

i've been seeing pdoc for 4 years now, and he is still sometimes a bit of a blur to me. i am getting good at remembering his hair style, general body shape etc... but his features are still blurry. it's very bizarre.

sunrise - it sounds like you may be a bit sad about not telling your family T the things you would have liked. maybe you could send him an email, or write a letter? i am sure he would appreciate receiving it, but more than anything - it'd be an opportunity for you to set things right in your mind.

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I like the idea of sending off an email...
it did seem (when you had posted about it back then) to be an abrupt ending, like T didn't even know until that moment - and t seemed t was shocked and sad. maybe there are some ends to tie?
Hoping you are ok.

This makes a lot of sense. I do wonder if it would give you some peace to write a letter, or even to have one more session to express your gratitude for how much he helped you. Sort of providing more of a sense of closure??

SUnrise, I hate that, when you want so much to remember how someone looks!!

Thanks, everyone.

Endings are hard. I think maybe it might have been better to have a little more time to end therapy. We went to the last session, talked for about 15 minutes, and then we told him we were ending. We had the rest of the session to reflect and find closure. I think it is not enough and I would do it differently if I had to do it again. I would give him more time. I still remember when we told him and he just like stopped in his tracks and leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling, for what seemed a long time, then came back to us and said, "breaking up is hard to do." He has ended therapy with many clients, of course, and was professional and we had a very good rest of the session, and my daughter and I got a chance to reflect and say some important things. I would just give it more time next time, both for me and my daughter, and for him. So for anyone out there thinking of terminating, if you'd had a decent relationship with your therapist, give yourself and your T some time.

I think for me, there is some sadness associated with ending this relationship because I feel I could never be as close to this therapist as I could have under individual circumstances. It's hard to be so close to a therapist when you are there with other members of your family. You don't connect in that same intense way. There is always "the other" there, and so you act accordingly. This is especially so with my daughter, who is very reserved, so I held back quite a bit so as to not take up too much space, if that makes sense. So although I liked this therapist and found our sessions helpful, there is a bittersweet feeling of unrealized potential. I don't know how to describe it--we could have been closer, but because of circumstances, we weren't. I would have liked to have known him better and am sad I couldn't.

I am really a basket case today--very sad for multiple reasons not related to this at all. My own thread is triggering me even more.

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(((((Sunrise))))

I'm sorry you're feeling down. I hope you feel better soon.

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Do you want to share what is going on with you today? Sometimes that lightens the load...

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I would imagine that his memory is etched on your heart. That is something quite unforgettable.

Sorry you are having a wonky day and getting triggered too. I hope things get better.

(((((Sunrise)))))

No, you won't forget your regular T. The family T wasn't as important to you, and his contribution not near as personal or great, even if he had been helpful.

It's partially an ADHD thing I think. "Irrelevant" data out the window to make room for the more "relevant". He's still in there, just not very accessible. Aside, it's actions that matter, not the way one looks. In the end, that's what we should remember the most. The rest is just ancillary...