[sw628]

Has anyone ever been jealous of their T? I found myself in a weird place tonight as T was talking about the benefits of therapy. She mentioned how much she has grown and that the time and money spent was well worth it in the end. After that's she went on to say that her marriage is the strongest it has ever been and how happy she is with what she has ( family, friends etc. While i was so happy to hear this, i couldn't help but think, "Why do I have to be the broken one"? Why can't i have this? When will I get to feel this way? While T was rambling on, I felt guilty having such thoughts bounce around in my head. She seems to have it all together .T has her husband, children,friends and a job she loves. The glow on her face while she was talking about it said it all. It's just sickening to me, more so because I'm still young and haven't figured it all out yet.
Has anyone felt like this?

[TrespassersWill]

Yep I felt the same way but more feeling jealous of how T is able to help so many people and so many people like her she's always booked solid. I mean that would be flattering to me to be needed by so many people whereas quite honestly I feel worthless.

However as I learned more about my T I feel kinda sorry for her. Those pictures in her office of a bunch of kids and hubby are apparently from days gone by. I discovered she lives alone in a small townhouse now, apparently divorced, her kids have all grown and live far away except for one son whos in college and refusing to work and calls her to beg for money all the time. I used to hear her on the phone with him in between sessions. So even she has a slacker son and I thought T's were suppose to have perfect lives?

Don't believe everything you hear though. Your T may be trying to get you to aspire to have what she says she has to give you something to strive for. However her life may not be that perfect as many people that brag about such a great family life often are just lying. Its a wellknown fact the majority of all medical professionals get divorced. Out of all the psychs and neuropsychs I've seen only one was currently married btw.

[rainbow8]

Yes, I'm jealous because my T makes so much more money than I do. I'm also jealous because she is so self-confident, unlike me. She has a lot of traits I admire, so sometimes I've felt jealous.

[fallenangel337]

I often feel jealous as well just because she is so much more stable and together than i am. I feel jealous in a way, because she is the kind of woman I would like to grow up to be. Also, I'm jealous because of the "control" she has over me. I feel like if something happened, she would easily get over not seeing me in therapy anymore, but I feel like I would barely get over not being in therapy. I hope that makes sense.

[TrespassersWill]

How much do you think these guys make anyway? Anyone ever done the math? I don't know how many hours exactly my T works per day so can't determine how many patients she has. Some nights she works till 8pm. However I think she's told me she doesn't go into the office till 11am somedays & some of the evening hours are devoted to volunteering for free group therapy at a womans shelter. I know mine charges insurance $140 for 50 minutes. Do they have the same liability insurance they have to pay as medical doctors? Probably not I'd guess. I remember being told once a surgeon generally pays a minimum of $10,000 per month for liability insurance. I've often wondered how much my T makes in take home money. She drives an older car, but dresses nice, but not that nice.

[sw628]

Thanks everyone. Yes tonight was a bit much for me. I wish i could have told T to just shut off her talk button and zip it. I mean I'm happy that she's in such a good place for her sake. It did take her a while to get there. She was in therapy 10 years. It's just so annoying, but at least i can aspire to get to that point someday. Anyway, I'm happy you guys have felt the way that I do.

[TrespassersWill]

Ask yourself this- what is a therapist doing needing therapy anyway? Then don't feel so bad then because she ain't no better than any of the rest of us.

[sw628]

I pay 85.00 per week, but that on a sliding scale. I this T charges anywhere from 65.00-100.00 and she is just LMSW. She is in training to become a LCSW. I'm sure her rates will go up. if that happens i connot see her anymore T has probably about 10-11 clients. Some clients see her twice a week. I KNOW she is living fairly well. She mentioned in our first session that her husband is a professor at a University in my city.

[mightaswelllive]

I get jealous of T because she seems so stable. She has a life and a husband and a dog and she does social things and has two awesome jobs that she likes (she's a therapist and a research professor). Essentially, she has the life that I want and it can drive me crazy. The other day we actually talked about how jealous I get when she talks about her dog...

As for the money... in general, it depends on their education. A social worker or someone with a masters isn't going to make as much as say a PsyD or a PhD or a MD. A social worker/masters educated therapist will make a pretty modest income while a Doctor of Psychology or a Doctor of Philosophy will usually make an income to sustain the comforts of middle class living. The big bucks though - that's in psychiatry. Of course - I am only speaking for the US, I have no idea what therapists get paid in other countries.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by sw628

Has anyone ever been jealous of their T? I found myself in a weird place tonight as T was talking about the benefits of therapy. She mentioned how much she has grown and that the time and money spent was well worth it in the end. After that's she went on to say that her marriage is the strongest it has ever been and how happy she is with what she has ( family, friends etc. While i was so happy to hear this, i couldn't help but think, "Why do I have to be the broken one"? Why can't i have this? When will I get to feel this way? While T was rambling on, I felt guilty having such thoughts bounce around in my head. She seems to have it all together .T has her husband, children,friends and a job she loves. The glow on her face while she was talking about it said it all. It's just sickening to me, more so because I'm still young and haven't figured it all out yet.
Has anyone felt like this?

how long have you been in therapy for, sw? i can understand feeling jealous, but i think your T really was only sharing that to show you "hey, i've been where you are - was a "broken one" too, and you can also have what i'm having in time".

Originally Posted by TrespassersWill

Don't believe everything you hear though. Your T may be trying to get you to aspire to have what she says she has to give you something to strive for. However her life may not be that perfect as many people that brag about such a great family life often are just lying. Its a wellknown fact the majority of all medical professionals get divorced. Out of all the psychs and neuropsychs I've seen only one was currently married btw.

i don't think Ts typically lie or manipulate their clients that way. i don't think sw's T was "bragging". many ppl who do get excited about what they have are only sharing it because they are so happy about it - not because they are covering up. why would sw's T feel the need to lie to her? if she wanted to motivate sw, there are other ways to do so.

Originally Posted by TrespassersWill

How much do you think these guys make anyway? Anyone ever done the math?

Ts typically make decent money (in australia anyway) but no where near as much as what they could make given that they have put in just as many years of study/training as other medical professionals.

it's not something you enter in to because you want to be super rich. there are other fields in psychology (e.g., organisational & coaching psychology, HR) which you can follow if money is what you want, and it takes a lot less time to get there also.

Originally Posted by TrespassersWill

Ask yourself this- what is a therapist doing needing therapy anyway? Then don't feel so bad then because she ain't no better than any of the rest of us.

many training programs require that a T has been in therapy for a certain number of hours (around 100) before they are allowed to become licensed. my current T was telling me just today that the place he trained through wouldn't even accept applications unless they could prove they had done therapy already.

your question is kind of like asking "what is a GP doing getting sick, anyway?". GPs aren't immune from what they treat, and neither are Ts.

Originally Posted by sw628

Has anyone felt like this?

for what it's worth - yes, i have. i kind of envy pdoc having the wife, 2 kids & a dog formula and that he never had to really struggle through uni like i have. but at the same time, he is so committed to helping me, that it's not something i'd ever want him to not experience either. i want the absolute best for him because i adore him and he deserves it.

my old-T on the other hand... . i dont think i was just jealous, i think what i felt at times amounted to anger. to me, it felt like he just lived in this little bubble world of goodness and that he didn't understand, or refused to acknowledge, that life wasn't like that for everyone else. i really wish i had the life he had growing up and the life he managed to create for himself after. that kind of ignorance/insensitivity to the 'real world' is kind of a luxury, i think.

[ECHOES]

So now you know more about the things you want in life

And T can help you get there. Let her know how you feel. It will help her know you better.

You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you. And you can have these things too! Knowing what you want is where you begin, so knowing now more about what you want means you can work toward having those things.

Yes I am often jealous of T's seeming ease with dealing with life, with what she knows, with her academic life, even her dress. Maybe jealous is a place to start too, and in saying we want what T 'has' or we want to be like T...it's a way of saying that we want good things for ourselves too.

.. Responding to the response about 'Why your T nees therapy'...For many therapists, it is required that they enter into therapy. Therapy is a process of getting to know yourself. So therapy helps a therapist know themselves well, useful for how they respond to us, for exploring their counter-transference, etc. A person can enter into therapy who has no symptoms of mental distress, but who wants to learn more about themselves. It's a process of discovery and enlightenment.

my t is happy (okay she she seems happy)...got the hubby, 4 kids , the dog...etc...she goes to the gym...all the kids events...etc....she talks aboput friends and how she just went away for the weekend. her hubby is successful too.

she mentioned when she was younger she was in therapy.

she could go to therapy every week now and it would be okay with me...know why?

if it made her a better t now then it would be fine. hell if it made her a better person it would be fine. sheof all people would be aware of the need to handle the stessors in daily life in a positive way...and if going to therapy does it for her then thats a good thing.

hey she's balancing a career, family, and who knows what else...good for her....who am i to say she can't have a sounding board like the one i have?

as far as being jealous or tired of listening to her go on about her family...well its something i never had...so its interesting to me...a life i never imagined. i never had parents who attended my athletic events, or concerts or let me do plays or things like that so its fun to hear the stories about those things. they take maybe a few minutes...so i don't mind...and i feel honored that she shares...she even showed me a picture of her kids...which was nice since she doesn't have any around her office.

jealous...me? no. especially since i must bore wher witrh stories of the dogs.

[peaches100]

I'm a little bit jealous of my t's ability to travel to foreign countries on vacation. She's gone to Mexico, Eastern Europe, and Spain during the time I've been in therapy with her. I've also felt a little bit jealous of her kids. My t is a social worker married to a psychiatrist, and I've often thought that their kids probably got tons of interest, support, and concern from their parents growing up.

When my t's youngest child was getting ready to go to college, they were considering letting her go to a private women's college out-of-state that costs $40,000 per year in tuition alone. I remember one time when i came to my session, my t's eyes were all red, like she'd been crying. When I asked if she was OK, she told me that she'd been feeling sad and scared about having her daughter leave home and attend college out of state. I remember thinking that they must be very close, and how wonderful it was that she loved her daughter so much that she'd get emotional about it 6 months before it was ever going to even happen. I'm not sure my mom ever felt very sad about me getting married and moving out. I don't remember her ever saying that she'd really miss me.

My t's daughter ended up choosing a local college to go to, but she is doing some kind of foreign exchange thing and is currently completing some of her studies in Spain.