 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Jul 02, 2009, 01:07 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
T and I reconnected last session, after several weeks of turmoil within me that resulted in my retreating... from just about everyone and everything.
I had been feeling just very flat. That is not a bad place for me to be. It's a place of disconnect where nothing touches me ... positively or negatively. It even seems as if it must be "normal" because I view "normal" as being so emotionally healthy that they can take anything that comes along. I have gone on like this before for long periods of time. But this time something about it didn't feel good after a while. I began to feel afraid I was going to end therapy even though I didn't want to do that. Hard to explain  So last session we talked about my approach and avoid (retreat) patterns and I realize that what I was doing was retreating from closeness, from the distrust of it, the uncertainty of it, the what-do-I-do-with-this good feelings about it, the undeserving feelings about it... pushing it away because and when it becomes overwhelming (another pattern). So we reconnected in a really wonderful session, and true to my patterns, I am afraid to go tonight. I don't want to mess anything up. I want to keep everything just like it is right now.. because it feels good right now. Oh, I'm going to go... I am learning to do things while afraid  but, still... ya know?Anyway, I just felt like writing this out, putting it here, see if anyone else relates in any way. 
|
|
#2
Jul 02, 2009, 06:43 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
 I hope your session goes well. Let us know, okay?? 
|
 ECHOES
|
|
#3
Jul 02, 2009, 07:48 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((((echoes))))) I hope your session goes well. You won't mess anything up. I have learned that, from T that life is unpredictable as are relationships. I know the feeling all to well of wanting to keep things the way they are, but have realized that takes too much effort on my part trying to control things and relationships to keep them as they are. there are going to be ups and downs and they are something you have to deal with as they arise. But those downs don't mean you are messing anything up
__________________
LLT |
| ECHOES, Kiya
|
|
#4
Jul 02, 2009, 08:20 AM
|
||||
|
||||
 (((((((((((((((( Echoes )))))))))))))))))
__________________
|
| ECHOES
|
|
#5
Jul 02, 2009, 01:03 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I also have a pattern where I feel too good and end up deflating or flattening out that feeling. You comments are interesting because IDK if I do it because...I don't know what to do with myself when I feel this way or because deep down that core belief that I am "bad" and undeserving of feeling good or maybe it is because when I feel good and want that feeling to continue....I'm likely doing something bad. It is amazing how we repeatedly do some of the things we do and are totally clueless as to why.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
| ECHOES
|
|
#6
Jul 02, 2009, 07:12 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Hi Echoes,
How are you? It feels like it has been a long time...... It's a place of disconnect where nothing touches me ... OMG I really really get this too! Sometimes I think of myself as if I am in a magnetic forcefield--very super-hero-ish. The forcefield protects me from T, from myself, from the world. Is this a defense? I suppose it is. I also get the idea of not wanting to "mess things up" -- not wanting to change anything. Why can't we just be in the good place for more than a fleeting second? Much love to you. xoxoxoxo
__________________
 [/url] |
| ECHOES
|
|
#7
Jul 02, 2009, 08:14 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((MissC)))
(((everyone))) Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. We talked about this some tonight. How I do this to escape the many things that contribute to my anxiety. Suddenly I don't feel those things. Voila. Who needs anybody or anything, including therapy and T... I've often said that I felt that depression, which is where this ends up, is the 'flip side' of anxiety. That anxiety relieves depression with action and energy, and depression relieves anxiety with withdrawal from many things including the things that make us anxious. (T had much prettier words for this. lol). So... T drops an end-of-session bomb on me tonight. I'm still reeling with an erupting volcano of mixed emotions. I have talked about dropping one session here and there for financial reasons, and I said at the beginning of the session tonight that I was going to do that next week. As always happens, I can't give it up. So at the end of the session when she asked about next week I told her I wanted to keep both appointments and that maybe another week I would drop one. She said Okay and it won't be long before I'll be away.. ????????? HUH?!?! Oh she forgot to tell me her daughter is having a baby soon.. in several weeks... a girl... and she's going to go there for a few days. ("Oh, I didn't tell you?!! I'm so sorry to be telling you this way.") Okay, mature me says How wonderful for everyone; how exciting.. the first grandchild. The not-so-mature me  is  that she neglected to tell me at all, that she drops this bomb before the weekend.. I'm already jealous of her daughter (for having such a great mom) and I have this longing for mothering... so here comes a baby girl into her life.. and what if she decides to move there! Yeah that's right, it's ALL about me. *pout* But this is way too many feelings to have all at once! Last edited by ECHOES; Jul 02, 2009 at 09:03 PM. |
|
#8
Jul 02, 2009, 08:33 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((((ECHOES)))))
__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
| ECHOES
|
|
#9
Jul 03, 2009, 06:44 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Echoes that was a tough bomb for her to drop on you at the end of the session.(((Hugs)))
What you said about the axiety and depression cycle makes sense. |
| ECHOES
|
|
#10
Jul 03, 2009, 01:51 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((((Echoes))))... this is mirroring my life. My t is also expecting her daughter to give birth - at any moment- and so whoever happens to be the unfortunate one whose time is at birth time gets dropped. It's like playing musical chairs.... when will the phone ring. I watched it all during my session this wed. which was about 3 inches from her knee. It rang. We both looked at it. Not the baby. *let out held breath I didn't know i was holding all session*.
At least I did have early warning. T said that of course a baby takes first priority - and she hopes that everyone would naturally agree with that. My mature self (as you said) nods "oh of course!" while my not-so-mature selves start panicking. Keep breathing Echoes, you can get through this - you're doing really quite well, being able to look at the feelings and acknowledge them all. That takes skill! Quote:
__________________
Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
|
| ECHOES
|
|
#11
Jul 08, 2009, 10:39 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
You are doing good work Echoes. Work on these last feelings that came up with this bomb???????
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
