[googley]

I am moving shortly. I will have to find a new T and my current T has been helping me search and gave me a name and number of someone who might work in my new location. This person also said that if she did not work out then she would help me find someone there. The problem is that even though my T and I have been working on this (and my pdoc for finding a new pdoc- aren't they just the best?) I feel like in searching for a new T I am betraying my current T. I know that isn't the case and that she would be happy for me to atleast have some contacts when I move, as I will know no one else there. We have been talking about termination and it has been really hard. I can tell that she is also sad that I am moving. We were both hoping that I would get into school locally so we could continue working together. I'm just so sad. Maybe part of it is that making those phone calls really means that it is coming to an end. I have to admit how connected I feel and how sad this is making me? She is going on vacation in two weeks (I leave the middle of next month) and I think this is going to be the hardest vacation to deal with from the whole time we've worked together. I don't know how I can express to her how much she has helped me and how much her caring has helped me heal and grow. I'm scared of when I wont have my weekly slot with her. That no matter where I go and what I do I will take her with me in my heart (though we both agree she can't fit in my suitcase). Why does this have to be so painful?

Oh ((((((((((((((googley))))))))))))))))))), that does sound incredibly hard and painful.

This is my first time in therapy, so I don't have any experience in terminating with a T. But I did move across the country about 10 years ago, leaving many many close friends that I truly loved behind. The hardest time was the weeks leading up to my leaving. Knowing it was coming, not knowing what it would feel like, wanting to get as much time as I could with them...it was sad and hard. When we said our last goodbyes and I drove away it was painful.

In the end though, the time leading up to the leaving was the worst part. I did manage to leave with a sense of closure, and when I was in my new location, it felt different. I didn't really "expect" them to be there, so the missing wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I did miss them, but the pain was less than I expected.

Recently, my husband's grandmother, who I loved very much, was dying. We knew it was a matter of days. She lives in a different state, and I had this desperate feeling of wanting to see her "one more time" even though it just wasn't possible for various reasons. Once she passed, I missed her a lot, and I was sad, but in many ways it wasn't as bad as the anticipation of losing her.

I don't know if any of this helps or makes sense. It's just so hard anticipating a loss or a goodbye. Almost worse than the goodbye itself.

I wonder if you could start a letter to T, telling her the things you want to be sure she knows before you go...the ways you've grown, the ways she's helped you, etc? Give yourself enough time to be sure that you say what you need to say.

My heart aches for you...be extra good to yourself during this time of transition. And take those referrals T is giving you... not only is it not a betrayal, but it might help you feel connected to T once you leave, seeing someone that she helped you find.

Lots of to you.

[googley]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Oh ((((((((((((((googley))))))))))))))))))), that does sound incredibly hard and painful.

This is my first time in therapy, so I don't have any experience in terminating with a T. But I did move across the country about 10 years ago, leaving many many close friends that I truly loved behind. The hardest time was the weeks leading up to my leaving. Knowing it was coming, not knowing what it would feel like, wanting to get as much time as I could with them...it was sad and hard. When we said our last goodbyes and I drove away it was painful.

In the end though, the time leading up to the leaving was the worst part. I did manage to leave with a sense of closure, and when I was in my new location, it felt different. I didn't really "expect" them to be there, so the missing wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I did miss them, but the pain was less than I expected.

Recently, my husband's grandmother, who I loved very much, was dying. We knew it was a matter of days. She lives in a different state, and I had this desperate feeling of wanting to see her "one more time" even though it just wasn't possible for various reasons. Once she passed, I missed her a lot, and I was sad, but in many ways it wasn't as bad as the anticipation of losing her.

I don't know if any of this helps or makes sense. It's just so hard anticipating a loss or a goodbye. Almost worse than the goodbye itself.

I wonder if you could start a letter to T, telling her the things you want to be sure she knows before you go...the ways you've grown, the ways she's helped you, etc? Give yourself enough time to be sure that you say what you need to say.

My heart aches for you...be extra good to yourself during this time of transition. And take those referrals T is giving you... not only is it not a betrayal, but it might help you feel connected to T once you leave, seeing someone that she helped you find.

Lots of to you.

Thank you so much for the support. I love your idea of writing a letter. I think then I wont have to worry about if I remembered to tell her this or that. I also like your idea about her helping me find my new T and being able to hold on to that. I've moved before but this is really the first time I've moved of my own volition (even though it is to grad school).