How to ask for what I need

Ok, so I am having a difficult time with my t at the mo- i feel like he doesnt care any more and I feel a bit neglected by him

Without boring you all with the details, does anyone have any advice on how to tell him what I need from him? I find it extremely difficult to talk to him, and the thought of just blurting out that i want him to care about me more, to be more available to me, to tell me things WILL get better. I want him to tell me that i am worth all the trouble i give him (unintentionally), that he will be here for me no matter what, etc. I just cant verbalise that to him, and I am too scared to write it down and tell him directly. Any idea how I could go about it in a more non-direct way?

(((Confused1982)))

I know you said you can't write it down, but have you tried? I know it helped me a whole lot. At first this was the only way I "talked" to my therapist. I even made him leave the room in the beginning...

Anyhow, the idea being to get your thought to him somehow or else he won't know what you want and need from him. But even if you don't show your T it might be advantageous for organizing your thoughts.

It's possible that you are misinterpreting things with your therapist. Good luck.

I definately agree with Bether. I write things out for my T if I can't talk about it. It is very difficult to do but my T has appreciated it. Otherwise she wouldn't have know how I was feeling.

How about the approach of telling your T there's something important you'd like to discuss with him, but you're having a hard time getting it out? Then the two of you could talk about why this is hard for you, and he might be able to help you talk about the issue.

Are there times you have felt more cared for in therapy but now you don't? That might be a way into the topic with him too. You could tell him it seems his behavior to you has changed and you want to check your observations with him, to see if they coincide with his own.

Either of these ways "in" to the topic avoids directly having to say, "T, I want you to care about me more," but they can still be difficult if, as you say, you have an "extremely difficult" time talking to him. If you just can't talk, then I think, as the others have suggested, a good approach is to write it out.

Good luck. Therapy is hard.

Looks like you have 3 or 4 things you want to tell him/have him tell you? I'd pick the "easiest" and just start with that?

I would simply ask/STATE, "I hope I'm worth all the trouble I give you?" :-) or, "do you believe things will get better for me?"

since asking him for what you need is so hard would telling him how you are feeling be any easier? you could tell him you are feeling a bit neglected, etc. and see how he responds. that might be one way to open up the conversation.

Thanks everyone. I do write quite a bit, just for myself. BUt I have started writing things down from most important- least important and will take my list with me when I see him this week, and hope he doesn't get angry with me and throw me out!