I feel like I'm being a bit of a drama queen, so I apologize. I've been in therapy over 3 months now, and I can honestly say that this is the first time I really don't want to go to my session today! sunrise warned me about this - I had a deep session last week, revealed some ugly truths about myself. I've been worrying all week if I said too much, what my T thinks of me now. And then that turned into anger (totally laughable, even to me, but still real) that my T does her job too well, always giving me affirmations, so I opened up too much. And I'm angry that I even care what my T thinks of me, but I do! So now I feel like I need to discuss why I care what T thinks of me, and I also want to ask her what she does think of me (as we discussed in another thread). I just don't wanna go tonight! But I know I will. And then it will just be a matter of getting the words out.

[Melbadaze]

Dream, I think its natural to want someone that is kind to us to thing good of us, and by going and talking about these things we are released. Hope it goes ok for you.

[sunrise]

Good luck, dreamseeker. I hope you are able to say what you want to say and that your T's response makes you feel safe again. It is scary to have made yourself vulnerable like that.

How did it go, dreamseeker??

Hi - My T was wonderful and understanding, as always. She was very glad that I told her how I was feeling, and we pretty much just stayed on that the whole time, sometimes sitting in silence. She seemed to sense that I wasn't ready to go deep again, so she talked a bit more than normal - that really helped me. She told me that we don't have to discuss anything I don't want to, and I told her I know that. And then she said she'd like to go back and discuss more what I told her last week but that she wondered if I was ready for that. I told her I wasn't, another time, and so we moved on.

I heard what I needed to hear from my T, but I didn't allow myself to show the emotions I was feeling, I just said the words. So now I feel like I still have all these emotions inside me. And my T reminded me that we only have 2 more sessions until she's gone on vacation for 3 weeks. I really want to feel those emotions and explore them with my T, I just couldn't go there tonight.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

I really want to feel those emotions and explore them with my T, I just couldn't go there tonight.

Dreamseeker, I admire your courage. I NEVER want to feel emotions and explore them with my T; I want to process them privately and tell her afterwards what I think I have learned.

I have a feeling I will still be working away, long after you are done. Good job

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Dreamseeker, I admire your courage. I NEVER want to feel emotions and explore them with my T; I want to process them privately and tell her afterwards what I think I have learned.

I have a feeling I will still be working away, long after you are done. Good job

Thanks, SAWE! I don't know how much progress I'll make in the next 2 weeks, though, and then there will be a very long break, over 4 weeks!

I think it's okay to process your emotions privately. Part of the reason I want to do it in therapy is because one of my goals is to work on being more intimate and vulnerable, and that's about the most vulnerable position I could put myself in with my T. And she gets that it's a big deal.