[Fester430]

Last year due to an unidentified mental issue my husband did something very stupid that resulted in an unwanted sexual advance that left him feeling victimized. To make matters worse the person became a stalker and we had to involve the police to get rid of her. After this terrible event we realized that my husband was suffering from something terribly wrong mentally and have been seeking treatment ever since. Since we are can't afford to pay for psychiatric care on our own we have been on a waiting list to see one for many months. He had his first appointment a few days ago and the psychiatrist told him after reading only the intake nurses notes, that he was not a victim at all. That he had basically asked for it, and then proceeded to accuse him of "trolling for women" online. Which is quite untrue. I was not allowed to be in the room with him during this time and he felt judged and accused and made to feel dirty and at fault. He shut down emotionally about halfway through the session and has been a mess for the last two days since he saw the doctor. What do we do now? We had been waiting for months for what we thought was a life line and now this! Please give an idea of what to do next...this is all new and frightening.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Fester430

He had his first appointment a few days ago and the psychiatrist told him after reading only the intake nurses notes, that he was not a victim at all. That he had basically asked for it, and then proceeded to accuse him of "trolling for women" online. Which is quite untrue.

There are psychiatrists like that. If you interpreted what happened correctly, just throw that person out of your mind and try for a better one. As hard as that is, I don't see what other choice you have. And keep coming here for support!

[sunrise]

If possible, have your H put it out of his mind. Don't give the pdoc another 2 seconds of thought--he is not worth it.

From what you described, it sounds like your H might benefit from seeing a therapist. There is not a shortage of therapists like there is of pdocs, so you shouldn't have to wait long. Most pdocs these days only like to prescribe meds anyway, and it sounds like your H needs more than that. If your H needs you to accompany him on the first appointment for support, the mental health provider should allow it.

Hope your H will look for a therapist and don't let this discourage you.

[Fester430]

Thank you, that is good advice. We are going to hang on to this first dr. for now, even though he is still very upset, simply to be able to get him on some meds to help him. I am going to scout out some walk-in clinics, that I have just learned about since this happened. and perhaps the T at the walk-in won't be so judgmental. I am still shocked that someone in the mental health profession could be this way. she should have asked him WHY he felt like a victim instead of just dismissing him and telling him that he was not one. We've been through enough already, we don't need bad doctor's on top of it. Thanks for your advice, if anyone can't think of something we haven't let us know. thanks again.

[SpottedOwl]

I am still shocked that someone in the mental health profession could be this way. she should have asked him WHY he felt like a victim instead of just dismissing him and telling him that he was not one.

When I first started seeing my T, he wanted me to see a Pdoc. I went to the pdoc appointment and left feeling *extremely* triggered. It was one of the least compassionate appointments I have ever experienced. Thankfully, I had T who is very compassionate, to help me deal with it.

Since then, I have realized that T's and pdoc's are coming from very different places. A Pdoc is trained to diagnose. A therapist is trained to listen. Pdocs can be brilliant diagnosticians, but they are not necessarily the best therapists. In other words, the pdoc is more focused on discovering a proper diagnosis than on being compassionate.

That said, I agree that it would be nice if ALL mental health professionals were compassionate with excellent people skills. I would definitely keep going, and try to find a therapist that your husband can work with as well as getting the proper meds.

[sunrise]

I go to a PNP instead of a pdoc. She has really good people skills. She has told me that sometimes her clients will want a second opinion and she gives them a list of several pdocs in the area. She said they often come back to her and say "I'm never going to do that again!" Anyway, a PNP might be a good alternative if you want someone with compassionate training and who can also prescribe.

[Fester430]

Sorry, we are new to this. What is a PNP?

[pachyderm]

Yeah, me too; what is a PNP?