[fallenangel337]

I was reading a book today, and a certain quote stuck out to me. It said:

"What will never change is the will to change and the fear of change. It is the will to change that motivates us to seek help. It is the fear of change that motivates use to resist the very help we seek."

I thought of that quote in relation to therapy, and it made a lot of sense to me. I feel like, for me at least, there is a constant battle between these two selves. I constantly sway back and forth between wanting to accept help and change, and wanting to keep the familiarity in myself. This is why therapy is such a battle for me...I'm constantly being tugged between these two parts, and when one part takes over, the other side has no chance of even peeking its head out. However, I believe these two sides coexist for good reason, even though they can cause much stress and anxiety.

Does anyone else have anything to add, or does anyone feel the same way?

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by fallenangel337

I feel like, for me at least, there is a constant battle between these two selves. I constantly sway back and forth between wanting to accept help and change, and wanting to keep the familiarity in myself.

I wonder if there is a way to keep some of the familiarity and still change? You don't have to change everything. Can you change some of the most important things first and keep all the rest as is for now? Somewhere there is a core self and that person should not change, even if you change some of the patterns or behaviors that frustrate you or hold you back.

[Melbadaze]

Fallen, Interesting, I'm not consiously aware of fear of change as I am desperate for change...but there are times when I feel resistant and that must be a fear of something, but I don't think I can put into words like ABC what it is I am afraid of...oh but then again, when some of my coping mechinism's have stopped working like they once did, I find that rather disorientating...kinda like, what the hell, this worked for me yesterday, why doesn't it do nothign today? and then it gets to feel like a dying of something and thats uncomfortable and wierd..until the "new" whatever fills that particular void kicks in, then that feels nicccccccccce

((((((((((((((((((((((fallen)))))))))))))))))))))) Good quote!

I've talked to T about the fear of changing. But I think my desire to change must be stronger, because despite the fear, I keep changing!!

I seem to be entering a new phase of therapy, as I've been wondering if I should allow myself to feel the feelings I've been running from for FOREVER about the things that happened to me in childhood. Could I stop running then? What would that feel like?

I talked to T about it yesterday, and he said that there are always consequences for change. He told me to wonder about what that change would mean for me...and I HAVE been wondering about it. It's so hard to forsee what the consequences will be, you know?? And "consequence" sounds like a bad word, to me, but of course, there are both bad consequences and GOOD consequences...

I think for me, where I WAS was definitely not a good place, so I hang onto the thought that where I'm going has to be better, even if it's scary getting there.

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

Fallen, Interesting, I'm not consiously aware of fear of change as I am desperate for change...but there are times when I feel resistant and that must be a fear of something, but I don't think I can put into words like ABC what it is I am afraid of...oh but then again, when some of my coping mechinism's have stopped working like they once did, I find that rather disorientating...kinda like, what the hell, this worked for me yesterday, why doesn't it do nothign today? and then it gets to feel like a dying of something and thats uncomfortable and wierd..until the "new" whatever fills that particular void kicks in, then that feels nicccccccccce

I don't think I was consciously aware of the fear side, either. All I knew was that something inside of me was resisting, and it made no sense to me. Then I read this, and what the author said made so much sense, it felt like the skies had opened up, and I was struck with a realization. I think there always is a fear of change, and most people don't realize it...I didn't, but it does make sense to me, regardless of how absurd the concept may seem in some situations.