[fallenangel337]

Well, we're back to the actual work now. (yay!) I told her how I've been feeling like **** lately, and how I've SIed, which I feel like she needs to know.

She seemed so disappointed with me today. She seemed disappointed that my depression is starting to come back, and I'm sure she was disappointed that I SIed. I hate knowing that I've disappointed T.

I'm not sure how I feel about today's session. I'm glad I was able to bring the issues back to the surface, but I don't want T to be mad at me/disappointed in me.

((((((((((angel))))))))))

i don't think t is disappointed in you. i think she's just disappointed that you're having a rough time. take care of yourself, okay?

[Melbadaze]

What makes you think she was disappointed? A lot of the time we project our own disappointments or whatever onto significant others.

((((((((((((((fallen)))))))))))))))

Usually when I think my T is disappointed in or mad at me, I'm totally reading him wrong. He might be sad because I'm having a hard time and he doesn't like to see me in pain. Or he might be angry at someone who did something to me and caused me a lot of hurt. Or he might be really present and listening really hard and look serious because of that, but *I* am disappointed in me, so I read his presence and seriousness as disappointment or anger.

From everything you've said about your T, I don't think she is disappointed in or angry at you. Can you talk to her about it next time you see her?

You're being so brave - you got back into the hard work of therapy, even though it would have been so much more pleasant to just chit chat and enjoy your time with T. Be gentle with you

[BlueMoon6]

((((((Fallenangel)))))) I also agree that she is not disappointed in you. She may be feeling a lot of things when someone she cares about and wants to help is hurting herself, but its not anger at you. I agree, please bring up what you areimagining she is thinking when you tell her youSI'd. Its very brave that you tel her and I can tell you want very badly to heal and not SI.

Please love Fallenangel ....she deserves love and gentle care

[ECHOES]

Perhaps her seeming to feel mad or disappointed in you is a reflection of how you were feeling about yourself?

I hope you will ask her what she was feeling during that last session, so you will know what her thoughts and feelings are. We can guess but until the other person speaks for herself, we cannot know.

It is also fine to ask during the session what T is feeling at the moment...

[Kiya]

yep - t always tells me to not keep my thoughts to myself. she tells me that i observe things and then keep the translations hidden - and often they are wrong. so i am supposed to be up front and honest about the things i see and think so we are always on the same page (really not easy, after spending a lifetime keeping my thoughts to myself). hugs!

[fallenangel337]

Thank you everyone.

I guess I kind of read her reaction as disappointment because first she said she was baffled that this is all returning, and she had a visibly shocked reaction. Then just the way she looked and spoke from there made it seem like she was disappointed.

Maybe you guys are onto something with the projection idea. I'll bring it up to her when I see her Wednesday.

Like T says, today sounds like a Starbucks day! (That's our way of me being gentle with and loving myself )

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((Fallen))))))))))))))

I hope that you enjoyed your Starbucks and are continuing the trend of being gentle with yourself outside of the restaurant

Jacq