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Old Oct 12, 2009, 06:33 AM
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onlymedid onlymedid is offline
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When I am in I and there is a break in conversation, I get very anxious about the silence. My heart starts to beat, my anxiety kicks up and I usually end up saying something stupid just so there is no silence.

Sometimes I think she WANTS me to sit in silence. She just looks at me, but swears she is thinking. I hate hate hate the silence.
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  #2  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 07:24 AM
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crystalrose crystalrose is offline
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when it is silent during T or pdoc session, i usually don't mind but when it bothers me i tell them to TALK!!
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onlymedid, sittingatwatersedge
  #3  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 08:14 AM
Anonymous29412
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(((((((((((onlymedid)))))))))))))

I think for me, silence is hard in session because I am faced with ME and my feelings. T told me once that sometimes people feel "trapped" by the silence. I know that I feel really exposed when it is silent - both to T and to myself. When it is silent for a long time, I tend to dissociate, because it is so hard to deal with.

I think for me, it will be a big sign of healing when I can sit with the silence, because it will mean that I can sit with, and accept, myself. I can do that sometimes, but not when I am feeling big feelings, or feeling like I am in a bad place emotionally.

to you
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onlymedid
  #4  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 08:25 AM
Anonymous29522
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When I first started therapy with this T, and we had some moments of silence, I didn't like it at all! T and I discussed it, she said that silence is a gift. It took me awhile to become more comfortable with the silences. Even now, I'm not always comfortable, but sometimes I initiate the silence, and it's T who breaks the silence to move things along. T seems to be very good at reading me, so she uses silence to give me a chance to pull my thoughts together - this worked last session, I brought up something rather painful after gathering my courage during a period of silence. I also like that my T doesn't just sit and stare at me when we're silent - she will usually have her head down, and I don't look at her, but I notice that she'll steal glances at me, probably to gauge where I'm at.

Maybe you could ask your T not to stare at you when it's silent. I can see how that would really increase your level of discomfort, if you feel like you're under constant scrutiny.
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onlymedid, sittingatwatersedge
  #5  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 08:36 AM
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sunrise sunrise is offline
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My T is comortable with our silences. I think I am OK with them too. If there is a silence, I think it tells my T I am thinking. He doesn't usually interrupt them. He has told me before that during our silences, he "listens" to himself and what comes up for him. This is important--what comes up for him and what he feels regarding me. Maybe I am projecting this. It is countertransference but he says this is very valuble. (It is not countertransference in the negative sense that people here sometimes refer to it.) What he experiences in our silences could also be similar to what comes up for other people when they are with me, and so T gets to experience more how other people relate to me outside of therapy. This can tell him a lot. And if he chooses, he can share that with me and I can learn a lot from it too.

So I feel comfortable with the silences. I know that T is learning something even though we aren't speaking. And I can listen to myself too, and learn something.
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onlymedid
  #6  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 09:20 AM
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velcro003 velcro003 is offline
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Oh, silence! The dreaded part of therapy! Haha. I had NO idea how much silence would ensue in T, and if I did, I don't think I would have embarked on this journey. It has taken me a long time to not want to run out of the room during a period of silence. I would sit there staring at the floor thinking "this sucks SO bad! Why can't I think of anything to say?!" It really has been time and us constanly talking about how I hate it. Lol. I think just her always being consistent and acting like it doesn't bother her makes it better.

Now, dare I say, I actually have learned to appreciate silence!! Not really in the therapy room, but more in life. Its kinda nice.
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onlymedid
  #7  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 05:35 PM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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I love the silences most of the time. I didn't always enjoy them. They used to frustrate me a lot. I would feel increasingly panicky and blurt "I don't know what to SAY!"

Sometimes I laugh and tell T I'm not thinking, I'm just enjoying the silence.

Silences allow things to bubble up. Often things bubble up that I sometimes try to bubble right back down, but usually I give in and talk about whatever it is.

Mostly, I find the silence an act of acceptance, and I like it.
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onlymedid
  #8  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 06:58 PM
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skeksi skeksi is offline
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The silences are often hard for me--if they last too long I get scared and dissociate. But they are probably one of my favorite parts of therapy. During my sessions, in that office, is the only time in my whole life when I don't have to talk until I want to, until I'm ready to. I've spend the entire 50 minutes in silence before, and it was darn painful, but I feel very grateful to have someone who will give me that silence for as long as I need it.
Thanks for this!
onlymedid
  #9  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 07:22 PM
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billieJ billieJ is offline
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I don't know what silence is in therapy or otherwise. I am socially anxious, but when my case manager visits or I see my pdoc, I fill up the silence with chatter about something - or nothing - because I am so lonely most of the time. It just happens automatically, even if it's just asking them a question about themselves. I trust them to take the conversation back to a therapeutic level, but they don't always. I have learned that people love to talk about themselves, and that is how I get through what few social situations I find myself in. I know it's not appropriate therapy, however, but it seems that free association talking about yourself would be appropriate and would lead to something constructive. Just a thought. billieJ
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onlymedid
  #10  
Old Oct 12, 2009, 07:52 PM
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onlymedid onlymedid is offline
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((crystalrose)) I WISH I could tell her to talk! LOL
((treehouse)) Yes, I do feel "trapped" by the silence. It causes me to dissociate a bit too. I try hard to avoid that, but usually she can tell when it starts and she asks where I am at. She's good that way.
((dreamseeker9)) Wow, I wish I could get to a place of comfort in silence. I cannot fathom being comfortable with it. Even when I am on the computer, the TV is on. When I am playing games, the radio is on.
Even when I go to bed at night...the TV is on. *sigh* That is awesome that your T can read you so well. I really don't like when she looks at me when I am silent. I get that anxious, wanna run away feeling. I don't know if I could ask her not to look at me. Just thinking about asking her not to stare at me is making me feel anxious. Dang! It's a really good idea, though. It would sure help me! Thanks for the idea. Maybe I will get the courage to talk to her about that.
((sunrise)) I try really hard not to have any silence. Usually, I am talking or interrupting her (baaad habit) just to avoid the silence. Actually, I interrupt everyone if there is silence, now that I think about it!
I didn't think about T needing to think. I mean, she doesn't even get a break when I am in there because I dominate the conversation so badly!
((velcro003))That is EXACTLY what I am thinking and doing when there IS silence and I hate it! I can tell that sometimes T just looks at me to see what my reaction to the silence is. I can just tell she does it on purpose!
((Echoes)) I have said that before!! She was like, "ok, well we don't have to talk" I was thinking..."SAY SOMETHING, WILL YA?!"
((skeksi)) I think that's a good way of looking at it...I don't HAVE to talk if I don't want to.
((billiej))Useless chatter is exactly what I do. I don't usually talk about anything important. It's usually about mundane stuff. I am socially anxious, too. I don't start conversations often. I try to talk to T about something important and it does happen...once in a while...but it is so hard to do.

Thank you everyone so much for the honest and heartfelt responses.
It is comforting to know I am not alone with this issue. It makes me feel like maybe I can talk to T about it next session. I think it's important that I do. I don't want to feel anxious every time I sit on her couch.
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"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open."

Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
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