What's so bad about disassociation?

Hi,

I don't post here much, so you all probably don't know me.

What is so bad about disassociating? I understand the effects of fragmentation that may occur while growing up...I'm a middle-aged adult now. Aren't there worse coping mechanisms?

It's odd that since I recently started psychotherapy, I started doing this again. Prior to this T, I never once disassociated in session with other therapists. After 10 years or so, all of the sudden, I've started to do this. I get dizzy and feel like I'm sinking in the chair...and start to talk real slow when I try to access emotions. Time slows down. It feels like a switch goes off in my brain when I start. The only thing I can think of that may be related to this change is I always had female therapists prior to this male T.

I don't remember this exact feeling while growing up, but I also don't remember very much emotion at all, so it seems I may have a history of disassociating. I do recall, as a young teen, being very depressed - then suddenly, I sort of became a different person - a person who did not feel this emotional pain and low self-worth. I'm wondering if I had some kind of chronic, major disassociation back then? And I've recently begun to feel that low self-esteem; I've been self-loathing. I can't say how I can recognize this, but It's almost if I went back to the prior state before I disassociated...over 20 years ago.

I'm going to bring this up to my new T. I'm not sure if he is aware of this. So I guess my other question is - why would I be doing this now? And because I recognized I started doing this..I have been reading articles about it. From what I can discern, disassociation is considered problematic.

Thanks in advance for any insights or advice.

Oops, I meant after 10 years of other therapists, not 10 years straight, I started doing this when new T asks me how I feel....

thanks

I do not disassosiate, so I'm no one to answer you. I know some have reported bad thoughts/voices coming from their alters and screaming at them that they are no good, but I know that some alters are protectors also. That would be good, it seems. billieJ

Maybe you are disociating now because parts of your mind has some things to talk about.

Hi Blossom- Welcome. I also have had a dissoc problem for as long as I could remember. It never occurred to me to talk about it to anyone,not even a therapist. I have heard that dissoc can be different for each person, so it may be one thing to you and another to me. It seems to happen to me when difficult and painful things come up in therapy, too. As a way to not put too much mental energy into what feels overwhelming.

For sure, talk to your t about what is going on and the things you have noticed about yourself. Many of us here are not so young and dealing with all of these issues into our 40's and 50's (and beyond!) so you are not alone in that

dissociating can be good in the short term - it helps protect us from overwhelming distress (physical, emotional, psychological). but i think it can interfere in the long run - e.g., in therapy - when we need to access those emotions in order to work through them. the dissociation kind of puts up a barrier for us - makes it easier to cope with, less distressing etc - but also prevents us from moving forward as much as we otherwise could.

like bluemoon said, it is a different experience for everyone. i personally have never experienced 'alters' or 'parts' that other ppl here describe, for me it is more just a floaty sensation, and as if someone has stuffed cotton wool into my head. it slows everything down a lot and i find it very hard to concentrate, 'be present'. for me, if it happens in therapy (with pdoc or Austin-T), it is usually an indication that i'm not feeling safe enough to explore whatever issue is at hand. with my old-T, because it was almost a constant, i am starting to think it was something about him that triggered it in me.

I think it's related to the new T. I wonder if you feel more connected and safer with him than you have felt with Ts in the past? Maybe you are feeling safe, and so are now ready to deal with some of this pain from the past. My T has told me before that when we are in a place to deal with our past and the pain, that memories "just line up" to be dealt with in therapy, processed, and healed. This sounds like more than just memories, but the idea is the same. Maybe now is the time.

Good thoughts-thanks!

I have to think about the responses some more to process them...So for those of you who are prone to disassociating - do you remember doing this consistently either throughout therapy (with different therapists) or throughout life??

I dissociate a ton, but I never knew that was what I was doing until I got into therapy and my counselor pointed it out. Now I can see how often I do it, and looking back, I see how bad it was when I was younger. I thought numbness was normal!

As deli says, it is a short-term way to cope with something scary or overwhelming. I am often 'gone' before I ever realize I am scared. Long term, I find dissociation unhelpful because it keeps me from connecting with others, with myself. When I first learned about it, I was adamant about not trying to change it, and my T was okay with that. Now when I want to connect with him, but am scared to and dissociate, I find i it frustrating, even painful. So I'm working to change it. All in good time.

This is the question I ask myself when I'm dissociating: What I am afraid of right now?

I have done it thoughout life. I have done it in therapy and tried to hide it. I didnt know I was "doing" anything. I just thought I couldnt concentrate and was embarrassed I got lost and had to pick up the conversation where I got lost from. It doesnt really work, tho.

In therapy I have gotten a far away feeling, then I can see t's lips moving and saying something but I dont know what. I am lost. I feel VERY fuzzy. I often dont know what happens then. Sometimes it happens that I am told I stopped talking in the middle of a sentence and didnt hear what was said to me. And I re-enter (?????) not understanding what happened. This is diffiicult to describe. I suppose I was triggered by something. But I have no idea. These episodes are usually brief. I also dont have alters and have only 1 me, but I do think that I am connected in some way to a small girl who feels sadness and hurt for me. I watch her cry from a distance. But I dont think of her as an alter with another name.

I am dissociative and deliquesce is quite correct. It protects us.
Floating above watching yourself ususally in situations you are not comfortable about

I didn't even know what was happening until I read more about it and talked to T... even then, she didn't use the word "dissociation". But sometimes after an intense session, I feel like I'm moving in slow motion as I walk home and write in my journal - it's the strangest feeling! And then when I think back on a session, sometimes T and I are sitting in different places in the room in my mind than where I know we really were sitting.

There's only been one time I felt like I was dissociating in session, and I was able to make it stop. I suppose I should talk to T about that!

I think it's good for you to talk to T about it all!

Thanks far this threead Blossom!
beads just now saw this threead far the first tiem adn it helped her to read it becuz it helped us to put stuff in her head in a way what makes sense.
to try an anser some of ur questoins, accordign to both T's & teh hospitel they thikn we has been disociatign all uor life adn we kinda agreewith them it is the only way to explain what happens that makes any sense. but we dont watn to be this. it meake her feelk like one of them "long-haired freaky people" that "need not apply".
anyay,this happens to us a lot adn it always has. we dont usualy remember adn we find uot cuz other peoples tell us we id are said such adn such. this is hard ta esplain. and but T is learnign us to work teogether gooder adn hjopefully the argueign that billieJ descrieb will someday stop adn wont hate her so much.
also, we agree other then the problems with beign able to functoin normally adn know what's go ign on (are has been) beads doies not thikn their is nuthign BAD abuot disocaiteng. it is just how we cope.
all of us beadys

When you dissociate, you are disconnecting. In therapy, you need to stay connected. We used dissociation as a defense mechanism when we didn't know any better. Now we do know better and should fight to stay present. We have MUCH better methods of handling stress than dissociation. Dissociation is an avoidance technique. What are you avoiding? That's what you have to ask yourself.

My tdoc doesn't let me dissociate. He stops it in its tracks by making me focus on objects in the room, by talking about something different to distract my mind, etc. As a result, I rarely do it now. I've learned better techniques of handling stress.

thanks!! Suddenly I understand what was going on in a particularly difficult session. I remember wondering why I kept getting interrupted every time I tried to talk about something

(ok, so I am slow on the uptake...)

Those sneeky therapists. Mine will sometimes get up and walk around. He'll open the blinds or close them. Anything to get me to get out of my head and focus.

yes, that's what she did - getting up and walking around. Later on when i was trying to recall our session I kept remembering her standing over there, or over there, and I thought I had imagined it, and it worried me but I never thought to tell her afterwards. hmmmm

i am getting quite good at noticing when i am starting to do it, and because it is no longer something i find pleasant/safe (floating out of my body is disarming!), usually even just saying the words "i'm feeling really confused right now" or "i can't follow what you're saying" is enough to help me snap back into the present.

otherwise, Austin-T is very good at distracting me. usually he makes me look at him and will show me something that has to do with himself. that is kind of fun, because i get to find out things about him.

i rarely do it with pdoc - only when i'm so stressed out everywhere else that it also spills over into the therapy room. pdoc allows me to stay like that, he just sits with me and is soothing, and i find it really helps me feel safe with him, at least. he keeps it safe in my head AND in the room. i like that .

deliquesce that is so cool to have that kinda safe feelign go ong with yuor pdoc. we are finlay gettign their with T ( uoghtta be its beened like over a year now with him ) adn he usualy does what yuo describe just kinda sets their with us liek he is watchign uor back while we is in uor own littel world but then if 'someone' dont emerge after very logn adn beads stay up on teh cieling he will work to get uor attentoin agian but never in a scarey way.
pdoc we set as close as we can to teh door adn prepared to run at any mometn teh hole time we is their. T lets us sets bye teh door too but we no logner feel like we needs to be ready to run accept when it get realy hasrd durign therpay.

I have just recently realized I dissociate too and it is because my T of almost a year now has asked me "how am I feeling" and helped me realize the signs of it. I didn't feel much before that or could even answer her question (when it came to bad stuff) because I am used to numbing myself and have done it for years. I am 40, so this was new to me.
My first realization of this is when I realized a memory I had from something bad that happened with my unethical T, I was actually seeing the memory from the other side of the room. Part of it me doesn't want to admit I dissociate because I feel like I am going crazy and it makes me angry that I do this. But I am working on that.

But the way I recognize it for me, is when I don't feel my feet or legs or when I get really confused and feel like I am in a daze or something.

By the way, welcome!

It was great reading all your responses - thank you.

I can so relate to many of the feelings soe of you shared here.

So I discussed this with my TDoc - he said this is derealization, a type of anxiety, and not dissociation. He did say last TDoc caused a therapy induced depression...I forget the clinical term....basically as a result from breaking down all my defenses and then deciding he couldn't treat me. That T brought out all these feelings I had repressed for so long. I guess I don't know how to deal with them, having not felt like this for a number of years.

I trust new T will help me cope with all those emotions and help me process everythign so I can use healthy defenses and experience self-growth.