t never called because

her best friend died. I feel like the biggest B**** now. I'm so demanding. I'm so needy. I don't deserve support. I hate me. I never said a word to her when she called. I didn't say anything. I should have at least said i was sorry to hear her sad news but i didn't. Now i can't see her for a few weeks. I'm so cold and not worthy of being helped.

You couldn't have known what happened. It is okay to have needs and wants. It is okay to express those.

Once a former T canceled my session when she was on her way with her husband to the emergency room. I don't remember why, but something happened to her husband, though it turned out not to be anything serious. I was so angry with her for canceling; I don't know if I told her or not, but I know I was not very sympathetic. I kept thinking: "what about ME?"

When we are attached to our T, our thinking is not always logical. It doesn't mean you are cold, hopeless, or not worthy of being helped. You are not any of those things, Crystal. How should you know a tragedy occurred? It seemed unlikely. What you can learn from this experience is to trust your T, but don't beat yourself up for your feelings.

Why is it that you have to wait so long to see her next? Can you call her again if you can't wait so long?

You are NOT a *****, and you're allowed to want and need her -- she just has some stuff she needs to deal with in her own life. Sometimes it's easy to forget that our Ts have their own lives and own issues -- but that's okay, they're probably used to it.

It's shocking news, for YOU included. Take it easy on yourself - does she have another "emergency T" that you can call if you need to?

can call pdoc that does therapy with me also. if i need to talk to her she usually can help me. T is going interstate until end of next week. Probably for funeral or something. Don't know why. Its just hard that i haven't seen her and i'm having a break again from therapy.

also i sent T a text saying that i was sad to hear about her grief. I said to her not to reply. But i hope she got it. I felt bad that i said nothing on the phone.

((((crystal))))
i'm glad you have pdoc to help you while T is away. please don't feel bad about not saying anything on the phone, i don't think T will be upset about it. pdoc has told me on a number of occassions when ppl very important to him have passed away, but it was only the last time that i was able to say anything (the following week!). usually i just put my head down, i don't know why. but i think they just tell us so we can know they're not rejecting us/whatever reason, not because they need our empathy. it was good of you to txt her, though.