Help understanding Transference

I am trying to understand what transference means. Is it a good or a bad thing? Will I know it's happening? Will my T know? Can this happen with someone other that your T?

Is there a thread, website or something that can explain it?

It can be "positive" (relate to T like you did with nice mom) or "negative" (relate to T like bad mom). You may not realize it is happening, until you get experience with it. A T should recognize it, but not all do. Yes, it can happen with someone other than T.

Transference has its problems, because it means you are reacting to something not as it is, but in terms of something from another time.

Well, to start there is always Wikipedia!

So is that kinda what is ment when someone says something like Oh, they like the older guys because it's like a father figure to them?

Yes. Something like that.

I tend to think it happens all the time and in every relationship. It's everywhere.

There are major transference reactions and smaller, less significant ones, I think. Something happens and it reminds you of a feeling you've had in the past and so you react to the feeling now in the same way you did in the past. I don't think it means you think your therapist is your mother or anything, but that you may react with the therapist in a similar manner that you did with your mother. So basically you can see the things you tend to do within relationships and why. You can see what effects the relationship negatively and then try to change your pattern of response.

Just this week, my H got upset with a customer because my H printed out the wrong lottery tickets for him. I later explained to him that his reaction was an overreaction to the feeling of having done something wrong. Probably from something in his past. That has to do with him and not the customer. This stuff happens all the time. I really believe that.

so - is it a transitory or incidental thing? or once you have a transference experience toward a certain person, it will likely keep on happening?

and if it occurs in therapy, is it to be encouraged, discouraged, passed over, worked with - and if worked with, how?

not that I want to know or anything

I think transference occurs when you transfer feelings regarding one person onto another. It's largely unconscious, and the feelings tend to be transferred from early childhood figures, esp authority figures and significant people in early life.

Or, you may transfer feelings from more recent relationships; an old boy/girlfriend relationship for instance.

Transference states can be highly emotional states of mind and are often intense and out of proportion. I know that I am in transference when I have a reaction to someone that is rationally uncalled for, like when I suddenly 'hate' a total stranger based on little or no info.

I also know that I'm in transference when I find myself feeling small or powerless in relation to someone else. These are feelings that children have toward adults. I am transferring these feelings from my childhood into my adult life.

Believe me, your T will know all about transferrence -- and hopefully about his/her own countertransference toward you! Mike

That happens too, but is much more extreme, I think. Then there are the subtleties of it all...such as projection.

For me, with former T, the feelings of love I have are representative of my "best love". I love him the way I want to love others. He helped me to find this within myself, though. So likely there is some projection there as well.

I think it can be either or both transitory and incidental, depending on the deepness involved. And I don't think it has to keep on happening, though it may.

Definitely should be worked with and understood, in my opinion. These reactions are full of information about us, I think.

I agree with what the others have said about transference...I just want to add-similar to what others have said, I think transference is part of the cognitive behavior of each and every one of us-every day, with many people. However, it is so amplified in therapy....and if we recognize and discuss these dynamics, it helps us learn sooo much about ourselves and our interactions with others.

• Interesting Article: Unrequited Transference: 8 Ways to know you are in love with your therapist: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/unplug...our-therapist/

• Another Interesting article: "Darker Side of Therapy: 10 ways to deal with dependency": http://blogs.psychcentral.com/unplug...th-dependency/

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_tr...and_projection
http://www.crisiscounseling.com/Arti...ansference.htm

and ... the ever popular Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference (not knocking Wikipedia, it's got lots of stuff!!)

Hello! I'm not trying to be rude by just throwing a bunch of websites at you -- I'm not sure how to phrase "transference" without sounding weird.

My therapist recently told me that therapy is designed to encourage regression and transference, and to make the patient's neuroses come out, front and center.

I think transference can be recurring on the same theme, or it can be a one-time occurence - it really depends on what caused the transference. For instance, I was angry with my T's response to a question, but I really was transferring my anger at my mother's past responses to a situation onto T. So I think that was a one-time deal.

I noticed that everything I was doing with my therapist during my interactions with him and most especially after I had feelings for him, were all of the very same behaviors that I'd done with everyone else. Only in this relationship my behavior and feelings were in the spotlight. I don't think I ever really gave him emotions felt for another, but that it was more of my pattern of relating. My theory anyhow.

I wonder about this also. I am a little confused about the subject. What happens when you feel like you have a crush on T? Is it transference?

I like how you say you love him the way you want to love others. I think this is me....
How did you work with T on this?

I think you really have to get right inside of the feelings, study them and then try to understand what they mean. What do these feelings say about you?

I tried thinking of the apsects of my feelings and they are, in essence, me. Who I want to be...how I want to love...The feelings are very giving, accepting and unconditional. They are all about love and the pure form of love. When I thought about those factors, I began to understand that this is what I have always strived to attain in my relationships with others. It is also a love I feel that everyone deserves to be given, though it is likely too perfect to very often come to realization. So, for me, it is all about the capacity within myself to love others and the way I want to love them. I discovered that capacity within myself within our relationship. The love I feel for him is my potential. The romantic feelings represent the potential for positive things happening... with people you don't expect...and at times and places when you least expect it to...if your mind is open to the possibilities. I still feel awed by it really. It did wonders for my sense of self-worth. I think I've written this before, but looking into his eyes and recognizing the sweetness of my feelings for him intensified the good feelings I had about myself. Very positive stuff.

I want to add that the feelings are very real. I adore him and always will.

Anyhow...get right inside those feelings and try to connect them to you in some manner. Try to understand the whys and you'll find out a whole lot about yourself...what you need, desire...your motivations...what is important to you. It's kind of cool really.

christina- Thank you for the websites! I have some reading to do.