[splitimage]

Thsi is a small pet peeve, actually it's a major pet peeve of mine. Why do therapists insist on using euphamisims instead of flat out asking what they're worried about.

My addictions treatment team is all very concerned about me, which I appreciate, so twice a week in group, in front of people, I get asked if I have thoughts of "hurting" myself. At which point, I get annoyingly literal and ask "Do you mean cutting or suicide?" at which they look uncomfortable and mumble under their breath both. If you're going to drag my psyche out for exploration in front of others, I wish they'd give me the curtesy of being clear with their questions instead of couching it in softer language.

ok - done ranting now. This just really bothers me for some reason.

---splitimage

[rainydaygirl420]

I hate that to, espeically the answering a question with a queston. I've had to flat out tell therapists look, if you cant speak to me human like, Im not going to answer any more questions. They usually respond to that by being a little more streight forward. I think they dont realize how annoying that is. They do it in there daily lives to. A friend of mine is a psychologist and he talks to me like that all the time and it drives me up the wall. I think it becomes habit

[jexa]

Hm, some psychologists aren't afraid to say "suicide" or "cutting." Saying "hurting yourself" covers a broad range of things so in some ways it's not really a euphemism if you say it bluntly. So that way if someone has been resisting the urge to hit themselves with things or burn themselves etc then "hurting yourself" applies to them too, but they'd be missed if you asked about suicide and cutting.

But the fact that they mumbled "both" isn't good -- they should be able to be straightforward about it. It's probably something they're just personally uncomfortable with. Self-harm can be frightening to people who don't understand it, and still uncomfortable to people who don't know what it's like to rage against your body in that way.

When I'm a psychologist, I'll probably ask "thoughts of hurting yourself" because it's broad -- but I won't be scared of self-harm talk. I look forward to being a very frank professional. It will be very hard to shock me.

[Kiya]

the one i keep getting (and got again today) is "Kiya, tell me about your goals for EMDR - what is it you want us to accomplish together?" And then she picks up her pen and looks at me. Same thing as last time. and the time before that. AND the time before that! Now are we gonna start EMDR or not?! lol

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by splitimage

Thsi is a small pet peeve, actually it's a major pet peeve of mine. Why do therapists insist on using euphamisims instead of flat out asking what they're worried about.

My addictions treatment team is all very concerned about me, which I appreciate, so twice a week in group, in front of people, I get asked if I have thoughts of "hurting" myself. At which point, I get annoyingly literal and ask "Do you mean cutting or suicide?" at which they look uncomfortable and mumble under their breath both. If you're going to drag my psyche out for exploration in front of others, I wish they'd give me the curtesy of being clear with their questions instead of couching it in softer language.

ok - done ranting now. This just really bothers me for some reason.

---splitimage

Reminds me of when I was in treatement, I think what was going on was I was actually enjoying the fact they cared about me and wasn't angry at them for choice of wording but at myself for feeling good about them feeling concerned for myself, which I'd disguise from everyone, including myself. pretend they were upsetting me and by doing that I wasn't getting anything from them (when secretly inside I was, the warmth of their caring which I would try to keep going by feeling similiarly to you) carings caring regardless of whether they are graphic or not, I'd say less graphic is more caring.

[3velniai]

It's strange that your T uses euphemisms, shouldn't it be the other way around? My never does this, she tries to use the same words I use, so one we call it cutting, the other day it's "messing up", sometimes it's just "the bad thing".

[deliquesce]

Austin-T uses the old "hurting yourself" thing, too. but that's because i'm super clever and cool, man, and have a gazzillion ways of hurting myself (and keep coming up with more!) so it's just his blanket way of making sure he doesn't miss anything.

suicide is a biggie, but so is cutting/burning/other forms of intentional self injury, then mucking around with eating (lack of) etc.

i wonder if the euphemism thing would bother you so much if they didn't do it publicly? i know i'm not the type of person who could handle group therapy, because i would be really upset about ppl asking me those sorts of really personal questions in front of other ppl. i think you're brave and strong for calling them on the soft language thing, but i wonder if them "dragging your psyche out for exploration" in front of other ppl might be a bigger issue? dont know how that sits with you - i'm just talking based on how i would feel.

Boy, my tdoc doesn't ***** foot around those questions. He flat out asks me, have you been thinking about swallowing a bunch of pills lately? No euphemisms there, but he does tend to be rather blunt about things. That kind of endears me to him actually.

[polarsmom]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Boy, my tdoc doesn't ***** foot around those questions. He flat out asks me, have you been thinking about swallowing a bunch of pills lately? No euphemisms there, but he does tend to be rather blunt about things. That kind of endears me to him actually.

THIS is how I want my T to talk to me. Because then I know that he was listening to what I've said in past sessions. Not only that, but I also the shock value is there too. Why sugar coat it? I mean, hearing someone else ask me if I am having thoughts of swallowing pills would make me stop and actually hear that. The reality of it. Sorry, I dunno how to explain what I'm thinking.

But in a group session, Maybe it's too harsh or personal? Or maybe they are trying not to give others "ideas"? I agree though.... if you are going to bring it up, then just ask the darn question.

[pinksoil]

SplitImage, I agree. I think people try to tiptoe around certain words because they think we'll be uncomfortable with it, when really, they are projecting their own discomfort.

I personally hate when people say, "When your dad passed away..." Passed where? No, he died. And then there's, "When you lost your dad..." Lost? So if I look around the house will I find him? No. And some people think I'm being harsh when I answer like that, but I'm just being real. It's kind of humorous in a way, and I know my dad would find my explanation for this absolutely hilarious because that was his sense of humor, too.

[shezbut]

Hi splitimage,

You may want to tell your treatment team straight up that you don't like the way they refer to self-harm idealizations. Perhaps it is discomfort in discussing these emotions in front of a group (or groups) of people. If you were to discuss your emotions with just one or two members of the team at a time, it might be easier.

Personally, I came straight out and told the director of my team that I could only handle one at a time. I become overwhelmed & pull back when they're all staring at me and asking different q's. I can't even think. My director kindly followed my request. The other doctors stood back quietly as he & I talked about how I was feeling, my care, etc. That really helped me a lot!

Best wishes to you!
Shez

[TayQuincy]

Maybe they don't want to trigger others in the group by being specific. In the group that i was in, we were not allowed to talk about current self-harm (I hate that term too) and had to be careful not to use triggering language while in the group.

i don't go to a group but the term "are you thinking of hurting yourself?" especially when i am in a dark place always kind of makes me chuckle...like what...like bang my head against a wall? hold my breath until i turn blue ? it's like you are afraid to ask the hard question. come on say the words.

maybe its just me...and this happened just today ...oops yesterday...its after midnight....but t was getnly tiptoeing around the issue when she knew damn straight there was just cause. finally she came out with the just thoughts or plan and method questions. THANK YOU!

i was there to talk about it, wanted to talk about but sometimes bravery isn't all that brave if you know what i mean...sometimes it needs a gentle shove in the back....not to waste time pussyfooting around.

usually if i'm in trouble and with t i'll balk and drag my feet but usually she'll get me to talk about it.

i get confused reading the posts sometimes...does SI mean self injury or suicidal idealation...different things to different folks. some can't write out either one...me i don't have that problem...my issues are just dyslexia, poor spelling and the chronic misplacement of my glasses.

[theave]

Thanks for this thread, I have enjoyed reading through it. People I have seen professionally tend to be fairly open, but my mum makes me laugh (not in a good way) when she asks about my "dark thoughts". Come on, spit it out! I really wish she wouldn't bother as she obviously only wants one answer. BTW I am heading towards 40 so really shouldn't have to justify myself to my parents.