[mixedup_emotions]

Last Monday, I had an emergency session with my T...and we got to the root of the overwhelming meltdowns I was having. I didn't know where it was all coming from - but originally attributed it to my freezer being unplugged and losing all the food, having to shell out $$$ unexpectedly, etc. But the reality was that I was angry and upset at my now ex-husband because I had learned on the night of our divorce last week that he was somewhat unfaithful to me while we were married.

On Tuesday, I had group therapy, and I didn't address any of it. I participated, but more as a supporter of others who spoke of issues going on in their lives and how we reacted to each other.

On Thursday, I saw my T again for my regular weekly session, and he said that I just learned something pretty awful in the last week and that he wasn't sure I did enough with it to not have it still impact me significantly. I told him I didn't know what to do with it. He said, "Well, I was hoping you would've brought it up in group".....



He feels that could be a start....

Well, I don't think I feel comfortable enough to have my wrecked life be the topic of conversation in a human laboratory.

I have group again on Tuesday, and I'm sure my T will be hoping that I bring it up...But I don't know if I want to go there.

I also know I need to bring myself to start delving into trauma work. I had a severe migraine, vomiting, extreme nausea all last week - and T feels that this could be psychological but could also be medical. And he said that there's not much he can do for me if I don't purge what I am holding onto. He also said that the need to do it will be stronger than my wanting to or readiness to.

Ugh. WHY am I holding back??!?!!? Intellectually, I know T is there to help me with these issues...yet when I am in his office, it's as if I disengage from the painful issues and would much rather talk about day to day chaos than the real issues. At $80 per session, you would think I'd make better use of those dollars.

[Dr.Muffin]

i cant speak for your therapist, but if it were me, i would be more sad than disappointed...as much as youre struggling with yourself and not being able to figure out what to do and not knowing how to go about getting better, i would be sad that you have to go through it. i wouldnt care about you "letting me down" as much as how you must be feeling with all that inner turmoil churning around and no spigot to turn that lets it out.

[sunrise]

mixed_up, I can understand it would be hard to discuss that topic in group. Why don't you work through it in individual therapy before thinking about whether you'll raise this in group? Yes, you've talked about it a bit, but it seems like there is more to work through with your T. Group can wait for you to be ready. It's way more important that you process and grieve this in therapy with a trusted T than forcing yourself to share prematurely in a group setting. Perhaps it will be that you will never share this particular topic in group therapy, and that's OK. Don't be hard on yourself. We're ready when we're ready. I am sure your T has lots of patience and will be ready to discuss this with you when you are ready.

[BlueMoon6]

MUE- I agree with Sunrise. I always had to process very painful things at least some in individual before I brought it up in group. You really cant delve deeply into things in group in the same way you can in individual. I think it has to do with having your therapists undivided attention and feeling safe. My t at the time always encourraged me to do some work first with him, then bring things up in grp. As a matter of fact, when there was SO much turmoil, I took a breaks from grp as I remember.

Maybe the next session could be about what might be holding you back. There could be a lot more there than just resisting or letting go of what you might be holding on to.

[billieJ]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Last Monday, I had an emergency session with my T...and we got to the root of the overwhelming meltdowns I was having. I didn't know where it was all coming from - but originally attributed it to my freezer being unplugged and losing all the food, having to shell out $$$ unexpectedly, etc. But the reality was that I was angry and upset at my now ex-husband because I had learned on the night of our divorce last week that he was somewhat unfaithful to me while we were married.

On Tuesday, I had group therapy, and I didn't address any of it. I participated, but more as a supporter of others who spoke of issues going on in their lives and how we reacted to each other.

On Thursday, I saw my T again for my regular weekly session, and he said that I just learned something pretty awful in the last week and that he wasn't sure I did enough with it to not have it still impact me significantly. I told him I didn't know what to do with it. He said, "Well, I was hoping you would've brought it up in group".....



He feels that could be a start....

Well, I don't think I feel comfortable enough to have my wrecked life be the topic of conversation in a human laboratory.

I have group again on Tuesday, and I'm sure my T will be hoping that I bring it up...But I don't know if I want to go there.

I also know I need to bring myself to start delving into trauma work. I had a severe migraine, vomiting, extreme nausea all last week - and T feels that this could be psychological but could also be medical. And he said that there's not much he can do for me if I don't purge what I am holding onto. He also said that the need to do it will be stronger than my wanting to or readiness to.

Ugh. WHY am I holding back??!?!!? Intellectually, I know T is there to help me with these issues...yet when I am in his office, it's as if I disengage from the painful issues and would much rather talk about day to day chaos than the real issues. At $80 per session, you would think I'd make better use of those dollars.

What do you mean "somewhat unfaithful"? Migraine and nausea can certainly be rooted in emotional suppression. Sounds like you are able to talk to your T about this issues, since he/she seemed to know about them. I don't see that T was disappointed in you, just giving you some guidence as to what you will need to do to work on these issues.

Why do you see group as a human laboratory? Don't the other members have issues just as you do that are painful for them? Maybe if you take the lead in disclosing about your husband's infidelity, it will give them courage to disclose something they need to. One exercise we used to do in group was to address an empty chair as though it was the person who had hurt us or the person we needed to talk to for any reason. That chair could be your husband.

I think that, if you just can't disclose to anyone irl right now, continuing to post here will help. Hope you will keep us updated. billieJ

[phoenix7]

you'll talk when the time is right ....when you feel strong enough....

working wiht T first sounds like a good idea.

yes i have migraines from therapy - wel the issues raised - nausea yes - feeling faint - yes - does it p me off - yes lol but we're human and we have reactions and we have to get to deal with them when we can and not whenits convenient ......

keep letttingus know how you are going..

P7

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by almostDr.Muffin

i cant speak for your therapist, but if it were me, i would be more sad than disappointed...as much as youre struggling with yourself and not being able to figure out what to do and not knowing how to go about getting better, i would be sad that you have to go through it. i wouldnt care about you "letting me down" as much as how you must be feeling with all that inner turmoil churning around and no spigot to turn that lets it out.

Thanks for your insight. The spigot to turn is exactly what I need....wonder where I can find it....

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by sunrise

mixed_up, I can understand it would be hard to discuss that topic in group. Why don't you work through it in individual therapy before thinking about whether you'll raise this in group? Yes, you've talked about it a bit, but it seems like there is more to work through with your T. Group can wait for you to be ready. It's way more important that you process and grieve this in therapy with a trusted T than forcing yourself to share prematurely in a group setting. Perhaps it will be that you will never share this particular topic in group therapy, and that's OK. Don't be hard on yourself. We're ready when we're ready. I am sure your T has lots of patience and will be ready to discuss this with you when you are ready.

Thank you....My T told me a couple sessions ago that he felt that I was "laying the groundwork" in group to be able to talk about some of my painful issues. I told him I didn't think so. He said, well maybe not purposely. I told him that I didn't feel that they were the right group of people. He said he didn't know who would be. I said I didn't know either. He is a strong advocate of group therapy...and I know that he feels that group is a good place to deal with issues and get support...but he also knows that some issues are too raw and need to be tended to in individual T. I'm not sure why he felt that this particular issue would be better dealt with in group. Ultimately, I know it is my decision and if I'm not ready or willing, then I'm just not.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

MUE- I agree with Sunrise. I always had to process very painful things at least some in individual before I brought it up in group. You really cant delve deeply into things in group in the same way you can in individual. I think it has to do with having your therapists undivided attention and feeling safe. My t at the time always encourraged me to do some work first with him, then bring things up in grp. As a matter of fact, when there was SO much turmoil, I took a breaks from grp as I remember.

Maybe the next session could be about what might be holding you back. There could be a lot more there than just resisting or letting go of what you might be holding on to.

Safety is definitely an issue. I don't feel safe enough in group. I've mentioned it even in group, and some of the members expressed their sadness that I felt that way. I guess it's because of how I was treated by some of the members in the past...I know that their reactions are important for their own growth and understanding...but it doesn't make me feel any better when I take the brunt of being in the hot seat.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by billieJ

What do you mean "somewhat unfaithful"? Migraine and nausea can certainly be rooted in emotional suppression. Sounds like you are able to talk to your T about this issues, since he/she seemed to know about them. I don't see that T was disappointed in you, just giving you some guidence as to what you will need to do to work on these issues.

Why do you see group as a human laboratory? Don't the other members have issues just as you do that are painful for them? Maybe if you take the lead in disclosing about your husband's infidelity, it will give them courage to disclose something they need to. One exercise we used to do in group was to address an empty chair as though it was the person who had hurt us or the person we needed to talk to for any reason. That chair could be your husband.

I think that, if you just can't disclose to anyone irl right now, continuing to post here will help. Hope you will keep us updated. billieJ

My T is aware of my issues, as I brought them to the surface early on in therapy - but then we focused on the immediate stressors of my life - like separating from and divorcing from an unhealthy marriage. But I've been hesitant to go back to dealing with the painful topics. It's as if my husband was a great distraction...and now that he's no longer the immediate crisis, I am left with just me...and my issues.

Our group is gestalt based and has been described as a human relations laboratory....so we can learn how we relate, how we handle differences, etc. "in the moment"....I am sure that this topic can be useful to others...I guess I just need to have the courage to go there, and at the moment, I don't.

The other members in my group have shared certain issues - but it seems as though my issues are too much for this kind of group. They've talked about their childhood, what's brought them to group, their struggles, etc....but none of them have shared being physically or sexually abused as a child....unless that's something they've been holding back. I shared some of the physical abuse info with them, and I was so traumatized by their reactions that I ended up sick for days. I don't want to go through that again.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

you'll talk when the time is right ....when you feel strong enough....

working wiht T first sounds like a good idea.

yes i have migraines from therapy - wel the issues raised - nausea yes - feeling faint - yes - does it p me off - yes lol but we're human and we have reactions and we have to get to deal with them when we can and not whenits convenient ......

keep letttingus know how you are going..

P7

Thanks for your support. I've been battling migraines for years, but they were more severe right after my dad died....then eased up for a while...and then returned with a vengeance several months ago...to the point where I am not without a headache every day....and the migraine perhaps a couple times a week...and severe migraines at least once or twice a month. I can't live like this anymore....