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#1
Oct 26, 2009, 11:46 AM
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I guess I'm posting this in Psychotherapy becasue I feel most comfortable here, and also, because I have T in a little while... and I'm feeling hopeless about that.
One week ago, Luvox CR was added to my existing cocktail of Lamictal and Klonopin, with the hopes that it will decrease my depression and obsessive thoughts. It has taken all of my energy and sucked it into some weird medication vacuum. On Saturday and Sunday, I slept 12 hours each night. During the day, I barely have the energy to move. This is from the depression and the new med combined, but definitely more from the med. But I am sticking with it for awhile. In ten years, I have only had small periods of relief. The longest and most genuine period of relief occurred this year. It was wonderful, and it even occurred during grief-- so I knew it was real-- because there are definite distinctions between depressive epsiodes and grief. Then the depression came back. When the depression talks it says: I am such a hopeless depressive case that even meds that helped me for a little while eventually stop working. I am such a hopeless depressive case that 19 other meds couldn't help me at all. There is nothing anyone can do. Pdoc doesn't have a magic wand. I have learned so much from therapy, and I have made so many significant changes... but depression lingers. There is nothing that can be done about this. I am completely worthless. I am too sick to do my job. I have nothing to say in therapy. I don't even have the energy to conjure up something to say. That takes too much effort. This is the rest of my life? Yes, this is the rest of my life. When my depression talks, I am in it. I cannot step outside of it to hear anything else.
__________________
"The only people for me are the mad ones. The ones who are mad to love, mad to talk, mad to be saved; the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars." -- Jack Kerouac |
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#2
Oct 26, 2009, 06:51 PM
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Do you know if it is expected to have that kind of effect from introducing a new med?
I can so relate to how you are feeling. When the depression strikes, it is soooo hard to endure...and so hard to get out of.
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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#3
Oct 26, 2009, 07:27 PM
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Hey Pinksoil,
so good to see you here. I have been reading Kay Redfield Jamison's book about manic depression, "An Unquiet Mind" (which I think you read). One thing in the prologue that stood out was the following: "The Chinese believe that before you can conquer a beast you must first make it beautiful." (5) This quote really resonated with me and so I pass it on to you. I told T last week that I though that I believe I have to find a way to make friends with my intrusive thoughts rather than try to get rid of them. Take gentle care. 
__________________
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#4
Oct 26, 2009, 07:58 PM
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Pink, I am sorry that you are caught up in the spirals of depression. Maybe is you could think back to that period last year when you found some relief and focus in the fact that relief IS possible.
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#5
Oct 26, 2009, 08:44 PM
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((((Pinksoil)))) I am so sorry that you are entrenched in this depression. I have been, too. For a long time, and from time to time still am. The only thing that enabled me to go forward was medication. It seems like you are that way, too.
When I switch meds (and I have been on more meds than I can count) I also get sui and hopeless thoughts. I didnt look, but have you posted on the med board about the early effects of these particular medications? I have fond that board helpful. From your story, I do have some hope for your depression with the new medication. One thing that helped me to keep in mind was that feelings, even depression, were passing feelings, as you noticed when you had the period of time when you had some relief. They pass, like clouds in the sky, until a new emotion comes along. There is a slogan..."This, too, shall pass." I always found that helpful when I seemed mired in depression and hopelessness. Please know you have friends here Post often, OK?
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#6
Oct 26, 2009, 09:36 PM
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My thoughts are you need to stop the new medication. Perhaps you do not need to go on a different medication either.
Tell us what your T says, okay?
__________________
--SIMCHA |
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#7
Oct 26, 2009, 10:55 PM
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I know that medications that are supposed to help our moods can worsen or even blunt them (stupid Cipralex.)
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#8
Oct 27, 2009, 11:56 AM
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T was very validating yesterday. He said, "It's not the depression talking, it's youtalking." He reminded me that I don't have to fragment that part of myself-- it's a part of me, and it's okay to feel that and recognize that.
__________________
"The only people for me are the mad ones. The ones who are mad to love, mad to talk, mad to be saved; the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars." -- Jack Kerouac |
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#9
Oct 27, 2009, 11:59 AM
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Quote:
__________________
"The only people for me are the mad ones. The ones who are mad to love, mad to talk, mad to be saved; the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars." -- Jack Kerouac |
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#10
Oct 27, 2009, 12:17 PM
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Yeah, you have to give those anti-depressants time to work. The side effects may subside over time. If the fatigue is really bothering you though, you might give your pdoc a call. He might recommend taking it at a different time of day or something.
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#11
Oct 27, 2009, 12:56 PM
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Quote:
 So that's the first step.... that the side effects subside... now that that seems to be happening, I only have to wait 2304823049823 weeks to see if it works. No big deal, lol.
__________________
"The only people for me are the mad ones. The ones who are mad to love, mad to talk, mad to be saved; the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars." -- Jack Kerouac |
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#12
Oct 27, 2009, 05:13 PM
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Quote:
Can some of this be talked out with your therapist? Is medication the only answer? I'm only asking because I don't know.
__________________
--SIMCHA |
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#13
Oct 27, 2009, 05:15 PM
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Quote:
If I could teleport you a kitty cat, I'd beam one right over. What do you do so that you don't dwell on your negative thoughts?
__________________
--SIMCHA |
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#14
Oct 27, 2009, 07:39 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"The only people for me are the mad ones. The ones who are mad to love, mad to talk, mad to be saved; the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars." -- Jack Kerouac |
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#15
Oct 27, 2009, 07:51 PM
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Not sure how long you've been taking klonopin and lamictal but both of them have depressed mood as a side effect. Maybe that something to look into.
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