not doing this anymore

therapy keeps wrecking me i'v seen about 4 therapists and it always does ends badly. Cannot do it anymore. My life is more valuable than to feel sui because of a termination. Really cannot do it will not go through this one either.its for my own safety and peace of mind. Don't want to end in hospital. And don't tell me any s*** about how long i've known or how helpful it is to end properly. I don't care and i don't want to hear it. Its never easy and always causes feelings and thoughts of suicide. I really think that i'm so much more valuable than a person that would have been a stranger to me if i had never started therapy with them.just going to see pdoc from now on and if she starts any fake f***ed up closeness or attachment i'm out of there fast. Cannot do it anymore.

((((Crystal))))

What did your T do to make you feel this way?

its not just this T. its all of them. I can't do it anymore. Every T relationship has ended badly i can't do it anymore.

safe hugs to you....

thanks 4 your replies.

(((((((((crystalrose))))))))))) My therapy is going very badly right now and I'm suffering greatly because of it. I'm also question whether it's worth it. I'm not sure whether you have quit or not at this point. My T asked me to take a leap of faith and that's what I'm doing. Just showing up is a leap of faith at the moment even though things between T and I are really, really bad right now.

((((((((((((crystal rose))))))))))))

take gentle care sweet rose.

thats great but i'v been hurt too many times by therapists. They very much help other people so don't quit yours, but there is some curse on me that makes therapists just f ***ing hurt me all the time. Its karma i got a therapist fired once for being a total *****! no its not karma the curse was started before then, the therapist was a total ***** to me, thats why she got fired. I just don't know. I really thought i think ugh. I just thought she could help. I will keep in touch with her I think, but I can't say goodbye or terminate properly.

i hate myself. . I'm so f***ed up.

(((((((crystal)))))))

I'm so sorry. You do what's best for you. If therapy only makes things worse for you, that's your decision. But I would encourage you to do a proper termination with your T. You'll probably regret leaving this undone. Your T will help you see the whole picture so you can make sure this is a good decision. I know talking termination is hard though. You could go in with a note that says you're leaving if that can open up the dialogue. I hope things get easier crystal. Many hugs to you.

I know you are going through a hard time in therapy right now, but you need to talk this through with your therapist, even if you end up terminating.

thanks but i'l talk it through with her eventually. Atm i just need to preserve my energy and break this f***ed up curse thing.

There's no curse. That's all in your head. You seem to need the support of a therapist more than anything right now. This therapist does seem to care a great deal about you. Don't run from her.

((crystalrose))

You absolutely deserve to have a supportive and loving T in your life. You deserve the very best in care, and I'm so sorry it has been so difficult. It makes me mad that other Ts have been mean.

I hear you saying you are cursed. I know it can feel that way when patterns keep repeating in our lives. When you have the strength, maybe you can talk to T about this. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. You deserve nothing less than total love an acceptance...and even if T can't give that to you, you CAN give it to yourself.

My thoughts are with you.

how do you know? I think there is a curse on therapy for me cos none of it has worked out.

That would be pretty superstitious thinking. Your current therapy is working, but you are running away from it. Go back and work through this with your tdoc.

you don't know me! U don't know if its working! I'm protecting myself because no one else is. I'm not sure what a t doc is. My T aint a doctor, not even close. Its not just this therapist which you would know if you actually even read my thread correctly its all of the people that have screwed with my life more than helped it.. I can't see anything working at all. I'm not being superstitious obviously its not a curse curse but it is the only way to describe it so people can see the impact. These therapists are out to get me they don't care.

A tdoc is simply a t. It's just the abbreviation I'm used to using.

I've been reading you posts over the last few days about your t. Your therapist is challenging you. She's not out to get you. She wants to help you. You've been very stressed out by what has been said in therapy, but you really need to go back and work through it. Running away is not going to help you stabilize. Yes, you are trying to protect yourself, but you aren't doing it in a very healthy way.

how is T challenging me?

Oh, I think I have you mixed up with Kiya. Your t is leaving at the beginning of the year, is that right? You still need to have closure with your t. How is t leaving you being "out to get you"? Is she purposely trying to hurt you, or is there something else going on in her life that is causing her to leave?

I think...if I recall correctly... that Crystal has to leave therapy with her current therapist because when she turns a certain age she won't be able to see this particular therapist.

Crystalrose, take a deep breath and try to look at your situation objectively. You know that you'll be hurting when you leave this relationship because you've come to value it a great deal. You're angry because you care about your T, you need your T and now you're going to have to leave. It isn't about being cursed...it doesn't mean that therapy isn't working...it's about your being cut off before you're ready to leave...it's about being hurt.

I'm sorry that it's frightening leaving your T. I'm sorry that it hurts you, but you can make it through. You take it one day at a time and do the best you can. Tell your T how you've been feeling.

Hang in there, Crystal. And keep talking about your feelings.

it just seems that T is out to get me but she not. Not going to do any closure thing. That would push me over the edge with everything else i hav going on. I'm going to wait 6 month or longer to do a closure thing or not at all.

can't do it.

Yes, you can, Crystal. You can do this. It hurts, but you can do it. Running away only buries your pain and it will come back out sooner or later. You have to face it. You can do it.

ok. But i think it will really push me over the edge. I'm not strong enough. i'm a strong chick but not that strong enough to handle that. Please don't tell me i can as i don't want to be arguing about something i know. When she told me i couldn't see her anymore cos she was getting a new job and couldn't see my age group, i ended up in hospital and i'm close to that stage again. its hard. I have to avoid it though to preserve my own sanity. I would love to be able to do it the correct way. I can't though.