Does anyone else find that once you start to give your inner child a voice, she keeps getting louder and louder? Do you just let it happen?

I think it started when I bought the stuffed animal, crayons, coloring book and Blow-Pops several months ago - I felt the need to get more in touch with that little one inside me, especially since T said it was my adult self who was speaking in session but my child self who held a lot of my emotions that I was suppressing. So for a weekend, I colored, sucked on my Blow-Pops, and watched Muppet movies - it felt nice, but it didn't really do the trick. Cut to me making the collage, and whammo! - there's Little Dreamer! Then, we got the first hug from T - it felt so nice and safe, definitely encouraged the little ones to come out more. And then Little Dreamer, age 9, started writing letters to T. After a flashback, a much younger little one wrote a letter to T. In the last session, I tried lying on the couch, and that also brought out my inner child more for some reason. And then Little Dreamer pouted at the end of the session because T forgot the hug that I'd asked for earlier, and she asked T, "Aren't you going to hug me?" T laughed and said of course and hugged LD9. And then this morning, as I was journaling my usual morning pages, I felt LD9 again really coming up strong - I even tried to fight it, but then I just gave in - soon, I had a page and a half written to T from LD9, and tears streaming down my cheeks. And now I feel so jumpy, it's really crazy! I'm definitely going to take this latest letter in to T on Monday, but I just can't get over how strong the little ones in me feel. I can't get over that there's more than one child self in there! It's all so very odd to me, yet it makes sense at the same time.

So what do you do when you feel like that inner child is just screaming for attention and wanting so badly to be heard? She can't be heard all the time! But is it good to let her be more present in therapy right now, if that's how I'm feeling? Even as I type that, I feel her in me, shouting, "Yes! Yes!" She can be exhausting sometimes! I guess I'm a bit scared becuse it feels more vulnerable to let Little Dreamer be out so much, and things keep coming up when LD9 writes letters that are unexpected for me, but they're touching on some deep emotions. So I think I just answered my own question... maybe.

[pegasus]

It's all good! And part of healing! Yes it's good stuff.

((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))

Wow Dreamer!

This sounds like it is really working for you. I say if little dreamer wants out, let her out! I really love your T too, she sounds amazing!

Love the pouting part, I don't think I ever felt safe doing that as a child. How did you know for sure you had a little one inside?

My T says she thinks I do too because sometimes I do things that remind her of a child (not in negative way) I feel the temper tantrums though sometimes because I want to stomp me feet in therapy and say NO! lol

Did you used to eat blowpops as a child? I honestly can't remember any kind of candy as a child. But I remember when they came out with grape Bubbleyum!
How do you decide what to do to help your child come out? You got the crayons and stuff, but I honestly don't think I ever had a childhood with this stuff. Maybe in school? Do you just buy the stuff and have fun?

I have tons of questions, hope you don't mind.

Originally Posted by exoticflower

Love the pouting part, I don't think I ever felt safe doing that as a child. How did you know for sure you had a little one inside?
I think the more T and I talked about my childhood, the more I felt that these little ones weren't heard and comforted in many ways. My dreams have also played a huge part - I've had many, many dreams with me being guided by little girls or me helping little ones. I also found some notes that I'd written over the years that really expressed my feelings as a child well - I read those to T, so it brought those emotions back up.

My T says she thinks I do too because sometimes I do things that remind her of a child (not in negative way) I feel the temper tantrums though sometimes because I want to stomp me feet in therapy and say NO! lol
Because I like to be the good patient , when T told me that I need to act more unreasonable to access that child side of me and those feelings, I tried it - it wasn't easy for me, and I still am not all that unreasonable. I have a hard time expressing anger, too, so I'm nowhere near there yet. But I think it's good to have a temper tantrum!

Did you used to eat blowpops as a child? I honestly can't remember any kind of candy as a child. But I remember when they came out with grape Bubbleyum!
Oh, yeah - I loved Blow-Pops! I loved Bubble Yum, too, but we weren't allowed to have it much because of the sugar - I also loved Hubba Bubba, LOL!

How do you decide what to do to help your child come out? You got the crayons and stuff, but I honestly don't think I ever had a childhood with this stuff. Maybe in school? Do you just buy the stuff and have fun?
I was alone a lot as a child, I kept myself entertained. I'd take a deck of cards and make up stories with them and play by myself for hours. I always loved to color, but I was told that I wasn't good at it - I never did well in art class, so it really took the joy out of it. T encouraged me to do things just for the sake of doing them and finding joy in them, not to necessarily get something productive out of doing it. So the first thing that appealed to me were crayons and coloring. And I have always loved the Muppets, so that was a no-brainer for me - The Muppet Movie was the first movie I saw in a theater. So, yeah - I was actually with 2 friends who've been very supportive of me on my journey - one is an elementary school teacher, and she encouraged me to get the crayons and coloring book. My other friend helped me pick out my stuffed animal.

I have tons of questions, hope you don't mind.

I don't mind at all!

I'm excited to talk to T about all this on Monday, see what she thinks about the little ones wanting to be heard more. Part of it feels really good, and part of it is very painful - I'm feeling these emotions that I never really felt before because I buried them so deep.

I think we must be around the same age.

I think too it would feel painful and good to be doing this. One big thing I have learned from my T is that it is okay to have mixed feelings about stuff. It feels uncomfortable, but it is actually progress from black and white thinking (don't know if you do that, but I do)
I can't wait to hear how things go for you this week in therapy.

[BlueMoon6]

Dream- I love reading this. And I love that little Dreamer is out and about!

Its funny, because my little girl gets to play with my younger girls. I used to love Barbies. And something strange came up for me one day recently when I was helping then dress up the Barbies. I used to play "inappropriate" games with the Barbies at a young age. I dont see my little girls thinking in this way at all. It made me feel like my "innocence" was somehow taken from me. I remember thinking about this when my teenagers were little girls, but I quickly put it out of my mind, this time around, I am allowing myself to feel sad for the little girl that had these other thoughts get in the way of normal playing.
I feel a little like exotic, it might be too painful to let myself go there and play like a child. I would be afraid sad things would come up during play and Id cry and cry and cry....

my younger peeps have their own set of "stuff" i make sure that at christmas or birthday they get something (okay 1 something not like a million) this way everybody is happy.

1 night a week they get to pick dinner...it ain't pretty and it sure ain't nutritious but hey it ain't going to kill me.

it's funny because my t originally said no toys or anything in therapy...she was willing to read to the peepsters but that was about it. this past summer when the youngest of them came out with really primal memories he brought his toy car, laid down on the sofa and played away. didn't ask just did it. she came over and sat with him and it was okay. he even let her play with the car, which she did.

she was very firm in the beginning about no floor sitting, no touch, etc...but we are her first did patient and the rules seem to have evolved. she says she realizes that touch is very essential to our healing. plus as far as the floor and stuff...sometimes it just works out that way in a flashback...once she even came and sat under her desk with us . normally she is in her chair, me on the couch..unless something triggers a flashback then she moves to the couch.

she's more than willing to work with the peeps. every birthday & christmas they get a small gift which is very cool. and they always get her something..which may or may not be cool (no one ever asked) but we do it anyway.

i think you go thru a period where the younger kids want to stay out all the time...maybe enjoying the freedom they never had before...and the safety...eventually (with me anyway) it levels out. the peeps are always there...its funny when there is talk of integration i say i never want to lose them because it is refreshing to view the world from that of a innocent and happy 5 yr old...a nice change from that of a sometimes jaded 51 yr old.

stumpy, how wonderful that your T has bent her rules to help you and your peeps, that's terrific! She sounds like a great T.

I think that right now, having just realized what it feels like to feel safe with T, that my little ones are really drawn to that feeling. So feeling safe in that room with T may lead to some interesting things coming out that wouldn't have come out of adult me, probably.

One big thing I have learned from my T is that it is okay to have mixed feelings about stuff. It feels uncomfortable, but it is actually progress from black and white thinking (don't know if you do that, but I do)

Exotic, that's a great point. I'm definitely all jumbled up right now, lots of mixed feelings going on - maybe I'll talk to T about that on Monday!

this time around, I am allowing myself to feel sad for the little girl that had these other thoughts get in the way of normal playing.
I feel a little like exotic, it might be too painful to let myself go there and play like a child. I would be afraid sad things would come up during play and Id cry and cry and cry....

Blue I'm glad that you're allowing yourself to feel sad for that little girl. I had a similar reaction after my EMDR, feeling sad for the younger me who went through something traumatic - the feeling really overwhelmed me, I did cry and cry for that younger me. But I think it was also healing.

ETA: I want to look more at my collage with T on Monday, and I think I'm going to ask T to sit next to me on the couch when we look at it together!

[theave]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Dream- I love reading this. And I love that little Dreamer is out and about!

Its funny, because my little girl gets to play with my younger girls. I used to love Barbies. And something strange came up for me one day recently when I was helping then dress up the Barbies. I used to play "inappropriate" games with the Barbies at a young age. I dont see my little girls thinking in this way at all. It made me feel like my "innocence" was somehow taken from me. I remember thinking about this when my teenagers were little girls, but I quickly put it out of my mind, this time around, I am allowing myself to feel sad for the little girl that had these other thoughts get in the way of normal playing.
I feel a little like exotic, it might be too painful to let myself go there and play like a child. I would be afraid sad things would come up during play and Id cry and cry and cry....

I find this thread fascinating. I don't think I have an inner child that needs to be let out - and I didn't have anything terrible happen to me as a child. But I do remember being surprised that my children have never lain crying themselves to sleep, as I remember doing - so I guess that depression has always been latent in me, and hopefully not in my children.

Dreamseeker, it sounds like your T is great, and if that's what seems right at the moment, then go for it. I loved your idea of doing colouring and watching movies you loved as a child. And it's great to do things that don't necessarily have a purpose but are just nice to do in that moment - I find it hard to give myself permission to do things like, or I just automatically think I would be rubbish at it.

Take care

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

So what do you do when you feel like that inner child is just screaming for attention and wanting so badly to be heard?

Listen to her, and give her attention. Let her know she is heard and wanted. Give her a hug.

things keep coming up when LD9 writes letters

Sounds like you have found a great way to access what she needs to say. When you read what she has written, does it surprise you, come out of the blue? Or do you feel it is very familiar and you recognize those feelings and words? How does it help your T to read those letters? And how does it help LD to have him read them? Does she communicate with him in any other way?

Sorry so many questions--sounds like you and your T are doing great.

[quote=sunrise;1198479]Listen to her, and give her attention. Let her know she is heard and wanted. Give her a hug.
Thanks, Sunny. I woke up this morning and felt my little one close - I picked up a childhood doll that I had dug out from storage and just held her for a few moments - it felt very soothing.

Sounds like you have found a great way to access what she needs to say. When you read what she has written, does it surprise you, come out of the blue? Or do you feel it is very familiar and you recognize those feelings and words? How does it help your T to read those letters? And how does it help LD to have him read them? Does she communicate with him in any other way?

[quote]

Sunny, I like all the questions - thanks for your interest!

This morning as I journaled, I felt this anger within me, so I tried turning the pen over, and out came Little Dreamer age 6! After I wrote the letter, I took a little break and then came back to read my letter from LD9 yesterday and the one from LD6 today. The letters are an odd assortment of what you described above, Sunny - some feelings are very familiar, and some words and feelings I don't remember thinking or feeling at all as a child.

Last week, when I read my letters to T for the first time, I think it was me reading them, not LD. But I was floored by how emotional I became, as soon as I started reading them - barely able to get the words out at some points. But then after I read them, and T said that they were beautiful, it was LD9 who came out, gave T a bashful smile, and told T that she was happy that T liked the letters. I don't even identify at the time that it's a little one coming out, but I see it so clearly after a session - like pouting and asking for the hug at the end of the session.

As far as how it helps T to read those letters - T said she was very moved and touched by the letters, so I think that helped our relationship grow stronger. T is understanding more what I went through as a child, and so am I! So many feelings, I stuffed down, so this is really eye-opening for me. It's also quite painful, but there's some joy there as well - joy from the child selves, finally being heard, and joy at T's positive reaction to the letters. T told me that these letters seem to be a really great tool for me to get in touch with those feelings, and she's right. T also said that therapy encourages regression - well, T, it's working then!

I do want to ask T tomorrow more about this. T has been encouraging me to get more emotional and not so intellectual, but I still want to understand exactly what these child selves are. I don't think I've dissociated into a child state where I don't remember what has happened, but it's a bit scary to feel these child states getting stronger and wanting to be heard more and more. It's not happening at work, thank goodness, usually just when I'm journaling or with T. But I want to talk it over with T, see how best to proceed. I think it is important that we all be heard, I just don't quite understand how to best deal with all these different parts that I feel coming up now. Even me using the word "we" freaks me out a bit, but it feels right.