"I don't think there's anything wrong with you"

How would you feel if your therapist said this to you? I got it said to me during counselling today, when I asked her if she thought "everything that's ever been wrong with me" could be traced back to a past event...not quite sure how to take it. I don't feel like a normal person, and although it's good to be told that I don't come across as seeming too "different" or "weird" or whatever even after I've told her all the things I have, I can't help feeling that maybe she thinks I don't need to be there or something. She did say she hoped it wouldn't make me feel like I was being dismissed, but I guess it kinda has...

I think it may mean that your therapist operates from a position of health rather than pathology in her approach. My therapist is the same way. I like it. I don't feel there is anything "wrong" with me either. If you are healthy, it doesn't mean you don't need to be in therapy or can't benefit from it. I'm healthy, but there are problems I need to work on in my life, issues I need to face and resolve, and skills I could learn that would really help me in life, in relationships, in communication, in solving problems, and in being as healthy as I can be.

I believe there is a wide range of "normalcy." It would be interesting to explore with your T what you mean by that. Do you want to be what it is you define as "normal"? Maybe you mean you feel unique.

I think it would be good to tell your T that when she said "I don't think there's anything wrong with you," you thought she might mean "you don't need to be here." Those are very different things and you can get clarification. It also would be interesting to hear what your therapist means by "wrong." What does that mean, anyway? In this context, does wrong=ill/unhealthy?

I think this conversation has lots of potential!

((((((((((((((Rio))))))))))))))))))

Sunrise took the words out of my mouth!

My T comes from a perspective of "wellness"...and he believes that even though we might have things we want/need to change, those things make sense given the circumstances we have been in throughout our lives. I am positive that my T would tell me "I don't think there is anything wrong with you"...but I am also positive that he believes I need and deserve to be able to come to therapy.

I hope you will explore it more with your T, Rio.

My T has said that before--many times, to be honest. It has really become a valuable idea to me, the thought that I am okay, just the way I am. It's...liberating. It was hard to hear at first, as you say. I think wondering if T means you don't belong there indicates how hard it is for you to trust that someone will listen and help you, even without something 'wrong.' It is a rich discussion to start with your T.

Ditto to all of the above. I know when I think "there's something wrong with me" it usually carries a heavy load of shame with it. Being told by my therapist that there's nothing wrong with me does not mean she does not see that I have problems I need to overcome, more that she sees just this: a person who is not marked by wrongness, but is in need of help to overcome challenges. She takes those challenges very seriously, which is one of the reasons I have grown to have so much confidence in her.

I once told my T something that I considered ugly and horrible. I was then terrified that T would think I was an awful person, and that there was something definitely wrong with me! When I asked T, she said that there's nothing wrong with me, that she now thought of me as interesting and complex. So, I agree with others - I don't think it's a bad thing for your T to say that to you.

My T hasn't used those exact words but she definitely spends a lot of time normalizing my behaviors and trying to convince me that I'm not permanently f**ked up or crazy. Like you, Rio, I am somewhat frightened by the normalization because (1) it's already hard for me to think I "deserve" therapy, (2) I feel like she's trying to kick me out, even though rationally I know it's not true, and (3) I want to change these things - so something is wrong, there is a problem I need to fix! Saying there's nothing wrong sometimes feels like the problem has been invalidated. I don't like that.

I can understand that it might sound like she's saying that you don't need to be there. That would be good to talk to her about directly.
I think she meant that as an expression of acceptance as well as the idea that, in spite of a diagnosis, a person is who they are and that is okay. That doesn't mean there are not many many things to explore in therapy and ways to make life feel better.
What could be 'wrong' with being who we are at any stage of our life.

Hi Rio_
I don't have much wisdom to add to this thread other than I know what you mean. My T has said something along the same lines to me. And while it is a nice thing to hear, I actually began to be jealous of her other clients who must have more need to see her, therefore they're more important to her, therefore she doesn't care about me.

I feel a bit silly admitting those insecurities, but what I know for sure is that anyone and everyone is deserving of therapy.

Hmm hope I helped take care

My therapist loves to normalize as well, and I've always hated it. I've taken to asking him, when he does it, that if I'm doing so well, why is it that he thinks I need therapy?

That achieves two ends. First, he thinks before he normalizes so that he makes sure he doesn't do it in a way that will cause me to ask that question.

And second, he answers the "why therapy" in such a way that I don't end up feeling more guilty about going, or fear that he's going to think I'm too well to see him.

I also ask the question from time to time if I'm taking up space that other people might need more than I do.

(((((Everyone))))) Thanks. Sorry it's taken me a stupidly long time to reply, it's been a busy week!

Anyway, this was the first thing I brought up at counselling on Tuesday, and my counsellor said that she was glad I did because she'd been worrying about it as well - my parents used the excuse that they didn't see anything wrong with me as a reason for me to stop going to therapy last time, and she was worried I'd feel the same thing was happening again. So she's refined it to say that she doesn't think I'm ill, but there are things that I'd like to change, which sounds fine to me.

She's also referred me (with my permission) to a clinical psychologist on campus, who does CBT work, because although her approach has certainly been interesting (talking through problems to try and find the cause, I guess is the way I'd put it), and I think it has helped in some areas, I'm pulling my hair out as much as ever despite having been going to counselling for about six weeks. CBT seemed to help quite a lot the last time I did it, so I'm hoping it'll have the same effect this time.

Thanks again!

I had a therapist tell me there was nothing wrong. Yeah right. I was actually severely depressed...he just couldn't recognize agitated depression!

That sounds really good! I am glad you were able to clear that up with her.

Good luck with the psychologist. Hope the CBT can help.

My therapist has said this to me as well. It's hard to reconcile what I sometimes feel inside with someone telling me "I don't think there's is anything wrong with you". However, if I preface that statement with "given all that you've been through...." it actually makes me feel a lot better.

It helps to put things in perspective that anyone in my situation would feel this way, and that there really is nothing abnormal about it.

That doesn't mean that I should/or want to continue to carry all of this with me, but in my own way, at this time - I'm okay.