[sidony]

Wow, I haven't been on this website forever and ever and ever. But I feel like writing again so hopefully no one will shun me. ;-)

I recently had some of the best sessions I've ever had with my T. Told him how I feel about doing group therapy with him. I'm in group therapy, and I have a hard time talking and I feel embarrassed and I don't know how helpful it really is (why do I keep doing it? I don't know). But a lot of the reason I feel that way is because I like my therapist so much that it makes it hard for me to have him see me interacting with the group. Basically because I feel like a big-time dope. So I said so. I said "I would never have joined a group that you weren't running, but I'd probably fare better in a group that you weren't in." He asked me why, and I said it was because I liked him so much that I hated him watching me struggle. I remember feeling so embarrassed that I could feel all the skin on my body. I could feel it sitting there on top of my bones. :-) I think I said it because the session felt unconnected or lame or something, so I just tried to do something with it. Anyway, we talked briefly about that but the session was almost over.

The next week I came back and didn't say anything regarding it, but after a minute he said "so last week you were telling me that you loved me." Okay, so those weren't the exact words, but yeah that's what I meant. So I said so. At some other point in the session (and I'm sure I get this all out of order), he said that the reason I didn't find some things annoying about him (I'm virtually never annoyed at him, I think he's great) was because I "viewed him compassionately." I remembered that phrase and it became important to me later. Because at some other point in the session, he said "you do know that I love you too." I loved hearing that but felt embarrassed at the same time. So I said thank-you to him (which I think was a dumb thing to say). Later on that evening, long after the session, I remembered and felt stupid for that answer. But then I remembered him talking about viewing him compassionately and decided he probably viewed me compassionately too. So it didn't matter if it was a dumb thing to say. And it's not like he doesn't know I love him!

The next week I told him the bit about believing that he viewed me compassionately and how I went on to stop feeling stupid about saying thanks and to feel good about how we discussed the love between us. He said what we were talking about was at the heart of therapy, that it was something that felt good to both of us, that he was proud of me, and some other related stuff about how my being able to develop love for him might make it more likely for me to seek it in real life. I think those were my favorite sessions ever.

Sidony

[rainbow8]

I think sessions where you discuss your relationship with your T, and talk about affection or love for him, can be the most healing of all. When I've had sessions like that, I feel like I'm on top of the world. It's great that your T said "I love you too." Not all Ts will say that, maybe for fear we'll take it the wrong way, but they show their love in other ways, by being there consistently for us, for example.

Those sessions do feel so special, all warm and fuzzy and cozy between you and your T. So glad you had the courage to tell T how you feel, and that he returned the sentiment - so wonderful!!

[mixedup_emotions]

That's awesome!

Wow, if my T told me he loved me, I would fall out of my seat. But he has said, "I very much care about you personally".....and it meant so much.

[Amazonmom]

I think it's great that you have found such a great T! When you find a good one, it can change your life.

While my T and I know we are client and therapist....we have both come out and said that we love each other. My T told me early on in therapy that she believes you need to have love for your clients if you are to effect lasting change that benefits their lives after therapy is complete. She welcomes cards and letters after therapy is complete, to let her know how you are doing.

T has also told me our life stories are very similar, only she doesn't have bipolar disorder. I believe she used some supervision to help her focus on how to help me, and not see me as the old her. She has also come out and told me that my case is not just professional for her, it's quite personal, and she really wants to meet the real me free of the bad effects of my upbringing and bad life events. I completely believe her too. I am extremely lucky to have found this T.

[sunrise]

That's such a heartwarming post, sidony. Thank you.

he said that the reason I didn't find some things annoying about him (I'm virtually never annoyed at him, I think he's great) was because I "viewed him compassionately."

I had not thought of that--great insight. I think I view my T with compassion also.

Later on that evening, long after the session, I remembered and felt stupid for that answer. But then I remembered him talking about viewing him compassionately and decided he probably viewed me compassionately too.

Wow, what a great realization! I need to keep that in mind--I can see it would be comforting and empowering also. It's OK to let down the mask when we're with people who view us with compassion. I think that knowledge might make it easier...

He said what we were talking about was at the heart of therapy, that it was something that felt good to both of us, that he was proud of me, and some other related stuff about how my being able to develop love for him might make it more likely for me to seek it in real life.

I have felt that way about my T too, that being able to feel love for him showed I might be able to do it in real life too, with a new partner. That has been very healing for me (coming on the heels of leaving a very difficult marriage), because it showed I I still had the capability to love. I had not known that before therapy--I thought maybe I was damaged for life. Therapy showed me I can still love, that I am just fine. It also has shown me what a wonderful thing it is to have emotional intimacy with someone, and does make me want to have more of that in my life.

Those are such great sessions, sidony. Thanks for stopping by. (See, you are not being shunned!).