my last session with T ever

well i went to see T today. It was all going ok. Then T decides that now is a good time to work on the termination. Not the beginning of the year or even the middle she waits till a month and a half til the end of the year to tell me we need to work on termination. I'm sorry but it just doesn't seem right or fair to me that its taken so long. I said i really couldn't do it and she shouldn't have waited so long to work on the termination.. Cos now we don't have enough time to work on it and its just not fair at all. She doesn't know it was our last session ever though i didn't tell her i just dropped hints that i couldn't go through with the termination and i said outright i was horrible at goodbye so wouldn't be saying goodbye. But rather just leaving instead. I have no T now. I have a social worker that does counselling but thats not the same. And i have a pdoc. I cried all session today and still have puffy eyes from it. I just want hugs and for people to tell me nice things cos i'm feeling at risk but don't worry cos i have support for it. .

So sorry, crystalrose! Many hugs for you.

(crystalrose))
I'm sorry that the end had to come this way. Did you just walk out of session? Do you think you could maybe go back and tie up a few loose ends with T even if you don't want to work on the termination? I say this because I know how upset and angry you are. It's just so awful to end a meaningful relationship that way. Hugs to you and things will be ok soon.

(((((((( crystal ))))))))) I'm so sorry about this crystal I think sw628 has a good idea, at least to give you both a little bit more closure. We're with you now during this time

I'm so sorry, I can imagine how you must be feeling. I have questions I'd like to ask you but I feel like you just need lots of hugs instead.

Crystal,

I am so sorry, the hurt must feel unbelievable. I too would not want to go back, or I think that would be my first reactions.

But really having a last session can be very helpful, but I understand you not wanting to go back. It is painful.

Crystal, I can so understand your not wanting to go back. I have a million hugs for you.

Even if you dont want a last session now, it doesnt mean you cant have it in the future.

Love to you

I didn't just get up and walk out of session I talked and drawed about my feelings, I stayed until the end, T urged me to reconsider and think of not quitting, so i am pretty sure that T knows i wont be coming back.
I will call her in the new year to tie ends up and get closure but not really able to do it right now. thanks for the hugs and care.
I am happy if people want to ask questions its ok with me.

since you said it's ok to ask questions, I'm just trying to understand a little better. Forgive me if this is something that's obvious, I'm still new here so maybe I just don't know your story as well as everyone else, but does your therapy have to end at the end of this year, is that the situation? I'm just a little confused, you said your T "waiting until a month and a half until the end of the year" to talk about the termination, so I'm thinking that must be the case.
Anyway, just trying to understand what's going on, but either way, I know it's hard for you, I don't know that I would do any different. I only have a year of therapy left, too, and I know the termination is going to be killer, I don't know how I'll ever be able to say goodbye. I'll probably do the same as you, just not go back for the final session. :hug

((((((((((((crystal)))))))))))))

take care of yourself crystal

T cant see me next year, I would have thought it would be better to work on it a little at a time throughout the year. I just cant go through anymore. I need to protect myself.

(((((((((Crystal))))))))))

I read your post, and couldn't respond. But I came back to let you know I feel terrible for you.......and here's some hugs.....

This afternoon i went to a day centre and got preoccupied with there activites there. It going to be hard but i see pdoc in a few days so its ok. I havent self harmed yet but still have a massive urge to do it.

Crystal, I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is to end therapy with a T you've worked with and come to love. Believe me, I know.

Be gentle with you (((((((((((Crystal)))))))))))))

There's like 5 or 6 weeks until the end of the year. That would seem like a good amount of time to work on closure. Go back and work on it.

farmergirl i don't feel comfortable with you challenging my decision. It was a hard decision to make and when I read posts like yours it makes me feel as though i'm doing the wrong thing or am not capable of deciding. I really can't do it and its really not enough time. I've never in my life been good with endings and i can work on that with pdoc and then call T for a closure session when i feel stronger.

thanks 4 the support. Doc john agrees with my decision and thinks its ok. pdoc agrees but wants me to write T a letter to explain myself better. I see pdoc later today. Its early morning here. Gotta sleep soon. What do i write in the letter?

Sorry you feel I was challenging your decision. That wasn't my intent. I was just making an observation. You are talking about one closure session later. It just seemed like 5 or 6 sessions now would be a good option.

Just write your feelings about why you want to stop therapy the way you are doing. There's no right or wrong in a letter to your T. Just go with your heart and let your feelings flow if you can do that.

(((((((CrystalRose)))))))

I just read your thread, and want to say how sorry i am that your t didn't give you enough time to prepare for termination. Just 6 sessions wouldn't be enough for me either. I feel so bad for you. Please do what's best for you.