[Elysium]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about my old T for some time now. In fact...she is always somewhere in my mind.

We terminated a couple months ago so I could begin working with my DID T. We love our new T. She is very good with us and cares a lot. We wouldn't give her up for nothing.

But...we are missing our old T...and our younger parts are having a difficult time understanding why we can't see her anymore. To be honest...so are our older parts.

We miss her so much!! She was the first person who listened to us, she was the first person who believed us, she was the first person who heard us. For five years she cared for me in the best way she could...by being my T.

I don't understand why.....why I finally get a person who is good for me in my life. Who treats me well, respects me, who legitimately cares about me...for some reason. Why am I forced to let her go?

All I want is someone positive in my life. I am trying to surround myself with people who are positive and caring and healthy...and yeah I have my new T, and she's great.

But...I long to feel like a part of someone's life. I long to know that they want me in theirs. Even if it's just a relationship with a mentor.

It hurts.....

All I am left with is a huge family that is not safe for me...and a couple of friends who are not really even my friends.

Why do I have to give up the most important person to me in my life?

MY old T, and new T, have told me that I am valued...which I don't yet believe, that I am worthy...which I don't yet believe....and that I am not expendable....which I sure as hell don't believe. These are positive messages for me and I know I need to hear them a lot.

I just want a family that actually cares about me in a healthy way!!! What's wrong with that? And why can't I have it?

I need emotional intimacy (non-sexual) and I need good safe people. Professional boundaries are keeping me from being able to have this. I understand why those boundaries need to be there for my current T's and my relationship. But I don't understand why, now that I'm not a client of old T's, why we can't have more of a mentor type relationship and she could still be a part of my life. The doesn't mean I'd be involved in her family or anything....just someone that she kind of takes under her wing, to be a positive person in their lives. A light in all the dark!!

I don't get it!! Why....Why do people always leave? Everyone leaves me...but only the bad ones keep coming back. Why can't the good ones come back so I could be left with something...instead of left with nothing.

[Fuzzybear]

[Miracle1986]

(((Elysium)))
We love you.

[jexa]

((((((((((Elysium))))))))))

I want to cry for you.. There are no easy answers to this.. I'm sorry you can't see your old T, I know how much you miss her. This is so hard when you are struggling and there's no one there. Maybe you could write old T a nice letter letting her know how much she meant to you? Whatever you do, we're here to support you through this. Talk to new T about these feelings if you haven't yet, okay?

[mightaswelllive]

Oh god. I'm literally feeling this at this very moment. It's almost shocking to be reading this thread. Call her and talk to her about it. I just had a 45 minute conversation with my old T about boundaries and ethics in therapy. I haven't really processed it yet so I don't have a lot of insight, but I know that a part of me feels better and that little pieces of me are letting go more and more every time I allow myself to process the relationship we had. You're never going to be able to fully let go - but you don't have to. It's ok to carry parts of her with you. My old T said that she has mentors she still thinks about from time to time with fondness but she doesn't keep in touch with them anymore because their function in her life doesn't really exist anymore. I think for you and me alike, it is so hard to let go because the relationship didn't have a natural end so it has a feeling of being passed off. Your old T still cares. What I learned tonight is that I have to give my new T a chance to care for me too - even if it's in a slightly different way.

[googley]

I would also suggest talking about this with your new T if you haven't already. I switched Ts when I moved a couple of months ago and it was really hard. I still had (and have) strong feelings about my old T. But it made it better to talk with my new T about it. I thought she wouldn't want to hear about how connected I felt with my old T and how much I missed her. However, it was the exact opposite. She was happy to hear about my relationship with my old T and how it worked and how I felt. I was feeling I was betraying my old T to connect with my new T. But I found that it helped to talk about it and made me realize that I could feel attached to both of them without betraying either of them.

I know this did not directly address your concern about your connection to your old T, but I hope it helps you.