some of the really nice things from my session with pdoc

i am posting this here (away from the trigger thread) because no doubt i will forget all of this in a month & go through the whole emotional roller coaster again. maybe someone will be cleverer than i and point me in this direction again at that time .

we got into the room and sat down and pdoc asked me how i'd been doing and i did my "not good" mouth movement (he has pointed them out to me before, how my different mouth twitches say exactly what i'm thinking and how he has taken great pleasure in cataloguing them all).

so pdoc told me he had been thinking about me a lot the past few weeks and wondering how i had been doing and praying i'd been going well. he said he had been thinking about me even more than usual (he thinks about me usually?!), probably because we haven't been catching up so much.

he said he kept debating whether to call me or not, but decided that i had exams on and didn't want to disturb me if i was on task with those. and that because things had been travelling well recently (in so far as i've let him know) that he told himself i would get in touch again if i needed help.

he said he'd decided on monday that if i hadn't called by wednesday that he would call me just to see how things were, and so he was really pleased that i got in touch on tuesday because he was getting impatient with waiting to call.

he was a bit sad that i didn't call when i needed to. he said he knows that i know he genuinely cares about me and that he wants the absolute best in the world for me. he said that twice - "i know you know i care about you, and care about you genuinely. i cannot possibly be more commited to helping you get everything you deserve. i think the world of you and that is what i want for you because that is the only thing that will match your true worth". i felt pretty foolish in that moment (but also really good!!) for doubting pdoc recently, but it didn't even cross his mind that i could even entertain those thoughts because to him his caring towards me is so self-evident and apparent. i really like that he didnt think i would doubt him so i'm going to work towards making that belief true.

we talked about old-t a bit. it's the first time i let pdoc know i'm still really upset about what happened and how i'm angry at myself for seeing him for so long. pdoc told me that one of his other clients described old-t as a "reptile" and he also told me he has stopped referring (non psychotic) clients to him. i had really needed to know that, so i'm glad he told me. i also really like that pdoc tried to be very fair to old-T and not slag him off. i dont like it when people ***** about each other. he said old-T is incredibly intelligent but doesn't seem to have been as naturally gifted with empathy as someone like austin-T is and that we're all born with different qualities that we carry with us through life. he also told me that old-T is old news now, and that pdoc knows me well enough directly to not let old-T's perceptions interfere with how we do therapy. that was reassuring too.

the rest of the session is what i wrote in the 'trigger' thread. at the end he also said "forgive me if i'm misaken but i thought you needed forms filled out today" which made me feel like i should've only gone in to get those forms filled out and that i had been wasting pdoc's time. we only did one (of three) but i also know pdoc is busy and we had spent a lot of time together and maybe he was just reminding me about the forms instead of berating me for going off track? and he went running off after our session so i'm hoping i didnt delay him from another meeting, and that he was able to grab lunch.

he told me he wants to catch up again next week, but that if i can't make it could i please call so we can at least touch base. i think he really thinks i haven't been going in because i've been too busy and so it was really lovely that he wants me to call so we can talk on the phone instead. he said he doesn't want to intrude when i have other things to attend to but please could i make some time just to let him know how things are and we don't even need to do therapy if i dont want. and also that if i wanted an appt all i had to do was to let him know and he would make time for me whenever i needed it.

right now i just feel very safe and nice that there is someone out there who cares about me that much and that i am 'real' to them even when i'm not there. and that it's permanent and that i will always have pdoc (even when i'm 40, he said ).

what a great post. pdoc sounds like the best and i'm so glad you posted this so you can read it later if you ever feel unsure of his care.

Wow, Deli How nice it is to have someone in your life that truly cares, wants the very, very best for your life, and is willing to go the extra mile for YOU

Bookmark this post (somehow) to refer to....in less sure moments

Awwwwwwwww......
I love pdoc!!
I'm so glad he said these things to you, and it makes me happy how genuinely he cares about you.
Thanks for sharing (((Deli)))

Yay, ((((((((((deli)))))))))))))

Please save this post somehow. It's important to remember all of the truth in what pdoc said.

I'm SO glad you finally saw him

That sounds like a great session, deli. I'm so glad you will be seeing him again.

that must be a really good feeling! I'm happy for you.

"there is someone out there who cares about me that much and that i am 'real' to them even when i'm not there. and that it's permanent and that i will always have pdoc (even when i'm 40, he said)." deliquesce, 11/26/09

WONDERFUL!!! God bless people like that!!!

imapatient, that was cute

lol, impy.

bookmarking this thread is a good idea, thanks guys!! i don't like to save stuff on my computer, but i could save the link in an email or something.

i'm really lucky i found someone like pdoc when i did. i could have just as easily been referred to a different psychiatrist who does the 15 min med check, and i wouldn't have gained half as much of what i have.

yeah thats true Deli, i like my pdoc who sees me for 45min appt every week.

-- deliquesce 11/28/09

Heretofore known as Big Red Message #2, follwing on Big Red Message #1.

It's great to read these things from you, Deli.

Yay! Your Pdoc is a hoot! It is cool to hear how he was pacing the floor waiting for your call! lol I thought it was just us clients who do that. lol

Hope you are feeling better.