So today my T came to the conclusion that I simply need more help then he can provide. I told him I'd be willing to at least try seeing someone else, see if I like them first...

it just... makes me a little sad is all...

I was annoyed because apparently he has been worried about me because my parents kept on canceling my appointments (that I didn't even know I had!) he thought I got really sick or something... I really don't want him to worry about me, it's nice to know he cares that much but I don't think I'm worth that.

speaking of parents...they will probably want to know why he'd be referring me to another T (and why he wants me to see whatever T he'd be referring to once a week.Considering they canceled my appointments left and right when he wanted me to go every other week) but that's not a conversation I want to get into. I'm worried about that.

He still is suggesting medication for me even though he knows how strongly I feel against it.

aaaand that was pretty much today's session. Excluding the part with him reading my journal about body memories and flashbacks of CSA and well... other stuff like that

[zooropa]

oh wow. That's a LOT going on in one session! It must have been hard to hear that your T thinks you need to see someone else, but at the same time, it shows that he cares for you and wants the best for you. I'm sorry, though, I know I would be feeling pretty torn up after a session like that.

I didn't see him that often to get too attached... but he was still the best T I've had in years. I'm more worried that he'll refer me to someone who I'm not comfortable with and then I'm stuck with them... but the part I'm most worried about at the current moment are my parents for... reasons I've stated in the first post.

with each passing day I feel worse about that session.

[mixedup_emotions]

Oh, Kaika, I feel so awful about your situation...

Give the other T a try...but keep the door open with your current T, in case things don't work out, so that you have support in the meantime while you find what works best for you.

I am sorry that your parents have been canceling your appointments. Have you talked to them about it?

You're dealing with very difficult issues....When my CSA stuff came out briefly in therapy several months ago, I went through a horrible time with panic attacks, flashbacks, body memories, etc....and ultimately suppressed it all again because I had so much else going on in the immediate, so I wasn't up to addressing it.

Now, I'm just afraid to....because I don't want to feel all those things again. So, I can imagine how upset you must feel to be going through this and facing working with a new T.

(( HUGS ))

I havn't talked to them about it yet, if only because it's an awkward conversation that I'd rather avoid...

right now things associated aren't really that bad. My biggest issue at the moment are the denial issues.

[Typo]

((((((((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))))))))))

I cannot accept this
This is just completely unacceptable