Taking a list to T today

I seriously spent the past few days unraveling, and it all came to a head this morning. I still feel really shaky. I actually got to the point where sui seemed like a real option. Luckily (?) I am able to step outside of myself enough to see that it's really not.

I've been taking SAM-E, thinking it would help my back pain (that is one of it's uses) and maybe give me a mood boost. I guess I've been taking it for 3 or 4 weeks. I've read that it can send some people into a kind of mania, and I wonder if that's what's happening to me. Not sleeping, not tired, hyper, RACING, OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS, irritable, kind of confused. Not me. I don't know what mania actually *is* but anyhow, the SAM-E does seem to have done a number on me.

So, after totally losing it this morning, I took a klonopin and I'm sitting here waiting for it to be 4.

I am going to take a list of DBT goals with me to T. Actually, I guess I am seeing it as more of a "here's where we are" rather than goals. Something T and I can look at, say "oh, we're right here" and it will help us to know what to work on.

"DBT targets behaviors in the following hierarchy:
- decreasing high-risk suicidal behaviors
- decreasing responses or behaviors (either by therapist or patient) that interfere with therapy
- decreasing behaviors that interfere with/reduce quality of life
- decreasing and dealing with post-traumatic stress responses
-enhancing respect for self
- acquisition of the behavioral stills taught in group (for me, that would be mindfulness, meditation, etc. I think)
- additional goals set by patient (for me, that would be increasing community with others)"

I can clearly see how we've made it in therapy all the way to the last two things on occasion recently, and how in the past few days, I'm all the way back down to the first two things. Maybe it will give us kind of a road map.

I REALLY JUST WANT TO FEEL BETTER. Maybe I need to stop working so ****ing hard and just go lay on T's couch and cry today.

Ack.

(((treehouse)))

though i don't allow myself that option, i have heard of the powerful effects of a good cry...maybe all you need is a good cry today

let us know how it goes, if you want to.

What you are going through does sound a LOT like mania, tree - mania does not necessarily feel good, especially when it includes racing thoughts and irritability (common symptoms of mania)! SAM-E may very well have something to do with the way you are feeling if it is known to cause manic symptoms!!

The last part -- stop working so hard, go in to T and cry -- that sounds like a good idea. You've made so much progress by telling H and your friend. I think it's okay to take a support session now and then as long as you're continuing to make progress on the CSA stuff. But don't let crises keep you from talking about it.. sometimes that can be a temptation, or something that just happens without our awareness.

Yup. Those are the symptoms of mania. If you are taking any psychotropic meds, you need to be sure you run anything you take by your pdoc. Even natural supplements can wreak havoc on your meds. Stop the SAM-E.

And take a cry break from the CSA stuff. Sometimes we just need that, particularly if our mood is pretty unstable. Hope you feel better.

I agree with everything jexa wrote here - if all you want to do is go in and cry, then do that. Forget the list if you get in there and don't feel like pulling it out.

I think I also work hard - read books on therapy, do the collage, journal after every session and every morning, access my inner child, blah blah blah... sometimes it does get to be overwhelming and too much! It's like I need to give myself some breathing room just to catch up on feeling normal, everyday emotions.

I hope you feel so much better after your session, Tree!

(((((Tree)))) I hope you feel better after the session today.

When I read Marsha Linehan's DBT book, these things you listed were very important as a first order of business. And even when working on "more advanced" issues, sometimes it is necessary if you feel overwhelmed with going into csa or whatever it might be and need to go back and address sui feelings, SI feelings, PTSD reactions etc. That is how VERY hard it is to move forward into the harder stuff, like past abuse.

You are right on target, I think, with working so hard and going places that are overwhelming for you now. T is so good and gentle and if you need to cry and let it out that way, crying is SO relieving. After a good cry sometimes it all comes out.....

Love and hugs and Im looking forward to hearing how today's session went....

tree, is there anything else you could take for your back instead of the SAM-E? Sounds like discontinuing the SAM-E for a while could help relieve some of the recent anxiety and mania symptoms. I hope your session goes well and you feel better. It's OK to spend some sessions on recuperating, recovering, and just benefiting from the T relationship. You need to feel better right now and maybe the good cry on the couch is just the ticket.

Taking an over-the-counter stuff is VERY husband had a young lady at his work who combined an OTC headache med w/prescribed migraine med & DIED at 30 yrs. old. Do not try supplements or any other meds without talking to your provider. And, as an aside if you need any surgery (or in my case colonoscopy--sorry--hope you are not about to eat dinner) but meds are so complicated & individual to you. It ended up I had a change in my meds for bipolar1 & the doc who did my colonoscopy didn't think it was a big deal, but, apparently it was, in that the anesthetic didn't work & he had to cut out polyps!!!! I'm screaming; nurses restraining me; doc not understanding about psych meds...

Father had colon cancer at 50 so I am supposed to be tested more often--but I am definitely going to figure out meds so I can have the advantage of the anesthetic working...

The doc was saying I would have to be off my bipolar meds at least 3 weeks (which doc said was impossible) so that is why the anesthetic didn't work & couldn't be adjusted to help me. My only comment (as he is an excellent doc for colon cancer) was if I needed a by-pass operation (as my father had at 50) they would just say, "Hey, it's going to hurt! As we can't figure out to have the anesthetic work for you while on meds for bipolar; I don't think so!!)