[googley]

I was wondering what people's experiences are during a rupture. My question is when does you t/pdoc realize that there is a rupture? Do you have to tell t/pdoc or do they know? I left last session feeling okay, and so I assume that she thinks everything is okay. But now I am upset about something that happened. I need to call my T and tell her that I may not be able to make it to session this week because I may need to travel for my grandfather's funeral (he is dieing). But I don't want to bring it up on the phone that I am angry with her and have been putting off the phone call all weekend. She knows that my grandpa is not doing well. Since I don't know how things are going to progress with my grandpa, I don't know how things are going to happen. Totally not connected but I also have to tell my professors about what is happening in case I have to miss class later this week or next week. I hate not being able to be specific. But there is nothing I can do about it.

((((((((((((((((((googley)))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry about your grandfather.

To answer your question, there have been times when T has known that there has been a rupture...because I've left session obviously upset...and there have been times when I've had to tell him. T told me once that the last "snapshot" he has of me is the last time he saw me (or the last e-mail he got or whatever), so that's how he assumes I am, unless I tell him differently.

You can call T to tell her about your grandfather...and even process what is going on with her on the phone a bit...without mentioning that you are upset if you don't want to. When my mom had a possible recurrence of cancer, T and I were struggling with rupture....but when I got the news, and was upset, I still called T and he still responded with care and concern and helped me process what was going on. When it was time, we continued working through the rupture.

I think we are going to have conflict in the significant relationships in our lives...it's probably inevitable...but those conflicts don't change the relationship. My best friend and I can have an argument, but she is still my best friend, and if she needs me or I need her, we can set the thing we are arguing about aside, because the underlying relationship and care haven't changed. And when the crisis passes, we can return to working out whatever the conflict is, if we still need to.

So, if you need T to help you through this, it is okay. And you can still let her know later how you felt about her wanting to hang onto the letter.

Good luck, googley. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[WePow]

((((( googley )))) I say be honest. That is always the way to let them know exactly what is going on. If you can't talk to T about T - who can you talk to?

[sittingatwatersedge]

My T knows... because I call and yell on the phone message......

[Perna]

I always took the time to look at my anger, see what actually happened (how did you leave okay?) and figure out what I want. Often I found my anger at someone was related to something else that was making me anxious. Whenever I got road rage, very uncommon for me, as soon as I recognized it I'd stop and examine the REST of my life to see what was wrong; it usually wasn't about the driving/what happened on the road. Once it was because a friend at work had breast cancer and was being operated on and I felt helpless. I don't think it's a coincident that you're angry at T and your grandfather is dying at the same time? For me, it would be "easier" to be angry at T, who's alive (and can prove it by "pushing back"/responding) then to deal with all that is about someone I love dying.