Disconnecting

My counseller was getting me to make my own world in a sand tray and put all these figures in that I'd have in my perfect world. She has a big box of them. Then she asked me to tell her why I'd choosen those figures. But I couldn't do it. I started burying this soldier instead and she watched me. Then she asked why he was buried. I uncovered him and put him on top of the sand. She then asked why I'd uncovered him and had she exposed him. But I couldn't tell her anything she wanted to hear. I had no idea what she wanted me to say. I think I really upset her.

What do I do now? How can I explain that all I wanted to do was play with these toys? But I couldn't because she was there? That I wanted to take them home? That's just plain selfish. Others need these things too.

And then I started SIing in front of her. God, I am so dumb.

D:

Just tell her you were at a loss for words, if you were that is, you should feel comfortable talking to her about it, a sand box.
Idk what to tell you

How'd you SI in fron of her? Please dont do it more

Picking the skin off my thumb

Thing is I dunno how I feel now.

the story of a boy called Dibbs. Similar.

You referring to this boy?

http://www.amazon.com/Dibs-Search-Se.../dp/0345339258

One of my all-time favorite books/story.

Words and silence are both important in therapy. Maybe you and T could talk about the sand tray experience the next time you meet?

I haven't done the sand tray yet. Thank you for sharing your experience.

It sounds like what she did really upset you.

The words you used here seem to explain pretty clearly.

Wanting to take them home isn't selfish. If you had taken them home, that would have been selfish. But you didn't. You just had the want and didn't act on it. You acted responsibly and unselfishly. Having a selfish want doesn't make you selfish. It's how you act on the want that makes you selfish or not.

It sounds like you were flustered, distressed, and didn't know what to do. That's not the same as being dumb. The therapist clearly pushed you beyond what you were ready for. It sounds like she didn't use informed consent -- from what you said, it sounds like you were totally unprepared for her to ask why you did what you did. I would have been dumbfounded just by her asking me to "put all these figures in that I'd have in my perfect world. " I don't think I'd be able to do anything except just some random thing, if that. I don't know what "perfect world" even means, let alone how to express it with sandbox figures. This technique clearly was not an appropriate one for you. (It would not be for me either.) If she doesn't realize this or continues to ask you things that don't make sense to you, or that you just don't know how to do, then she is not a good therapist for you, and you'll need to find a therapist who is better for you. I know that can be pretty distressing -- I've made the mistake a couple of times of continuing with a therapist who used methods that were inappropriate for me; it just seemed so overwhelming to start again with another. But I learned the hard way that continuing with a therapist when it was clear that we were on very different wavelengths just made matters worse. There are a lot of therapists who do not use techniques like this.