[hangingon]

I have been working really hard in therapy lately, like really trying to talk about some of my emotions and it has not been easy. Even broke down balling for at least 15 minutes straight one session, not the norm at all for me.

Anyways, the past two sessions my T has said to me, your not well and I am concerned; I was sitting thinking what, I am doing everything I have always been doing, I don't get it. The only thing that I think may have made her say that was because I have lost 30 pounds in the past few months without trying, but the thing is, I am still eating like I always have, maybe a tad bit healthier but no big changes.

I was actually a bit concerned myself with the weight loss, since I was not exercising or trying to lose weight so I went to the doctors, my doctor had me have all kinds of blood work done and every thing was fine. I'm not sure that my T believes me that I am eating fine, she has asked me quite a few times if I had eaten before I came, if I am eating 3 meals, things like that. I'm 129 lbs now, so I am not that small or unhealthy looking. I have never had and eating disorder or anything like that.

I guess I just feel uncomfortable with her telling me that I am not well or that I am too overwhelmed. Of course I am overwhelmed, I am sharing my fears with her as well as things that are going on in my life, how could I not get overwhelmed? It makes me worry when she says that too me, as if there is something wrong with me.

I actually thought I was doing better in opening up more than I ever have with her. I mean I have been talking so much more during session. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I should be telling her the stuff I have, like if she can handle it herself. I can admit that I have felt more depressed at times lately which I have shared with her but it hasn't stopped me from doing things, and I would suspect most people would feel depressed talking about some of the stuff that I have lately. I mean I haven't resorted to medication or anything like that yet so I don't get it.

I don't even know why I am writing this......maybe I just need to get it out.

[googley]

((((((hangingon)))))
I'm sorry you have to face such tough stuff in T. Know that you can slow down and take breaks if you are feeling overwhelmed. Please take care of yourself.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((Hangingon)))))))))))
If the dr's say you are fine, then I would go with that. They can even give her a statement, if you want them too. I don't remember your age or anything, but there are times in our lives where our bodies settle into the current "now". Are you in the 5'5 range, give or take? That would be about right.
T is just a good protector of you - maybe you can tell her you don't need as much - or can she direct it in a different way... kiya

[darkrunner]

Hanging on,
That is a large amount of weight for you to lose in a few months without trying. I'm glad you got checked out by a doctor and you are ok.
I think your T is right to be concerned for you. I would wonder more about her if she *wasn't* concerned.

At the same time, I understand your feelings about it. I think it is fair to talk to her about your doubts that she can handle some of the things you are disclosing. Even if she is struggling with it, though, that doesn't mean she can't help you.

[hangingon]

Googley,
Thank you I have been very overwhelmed lately and am trying to learn to talk more about those feelings with my T.

Kiya,
I am 5'6 1/2 inches and am back to the weight I was in my 20's, which is fine with me. But I understand her concern. I just finished nursing school and there are alot of changes that have taken place lately in my life, probably part of her concern.

Darkrunner,
Thank you, your right, it's good that she is concerned, shows she cares for my whole being and not just my emotional being.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by hangingon

Anyways, the past two sessions my T has said to me, your not well and I am concerned; I was sitting thinking what, I am doing everything I have always been doing, I don't get it. The only thing that I think may have made her say that was because I have lost 30 pounds in the past few months

I think her statement was kind of vague. Maybe she meant your weight and maybe she didn't. Maybe she meant your mental health, or some other physical symptom besides weight, or the way you have been talking lately, etc. Can you ask her?

I am glad you got checked out by a doctor. Rapid weight loss often accompanies depression--maybe this is what is worrying your T.

[hangingon]

Update.......

My T did finally have a heart to heart with me near the end of session Tues evening. She asked me when my next doctors appt was, which is this Thursday, and said to me that really thinks now would be the time to discuss meds with my dr, to let my dr know how I have been feeling.
I never share any of this stuff with my doctor, she has no idea I see a T, she even told me in the past after my mom died that it would be helpful to let her know if I ever see a T but I never told her that I see one.

My T said she would not being doing her job if she didn't suggest that I let my doctor in on things at this time. She said, I can let my doctor know as much or little as possible that it is my choice how much I let her know.

She said that even though I can function fine, go out with friends, and do ok, the reality is I go right back down to baseline when I return home alone, and that I have been too sad lately and that concerns her. She mentioned all the changes is my life being a part of that. From losing my mom, to moving to a new apartment, to finishing nursing school, to struggling with finances while working on finding nursing job, and of course dealing with the abuse. That all of this has me overwhelmed right now, and that it's depresssion. She said that sometimes people just need a leg up for awhile, even if I just attempt to take meds for a short while.

She spoke with me about my body and how she has a feeling that my recent unexplained weightloss, heart palpitations, and leg pain all have to do with somatic problems in dealing with the abuse that perhaps that's the way my body expresses the pain inside. She noticed lately that I have started saying that I feel sick as soon as we talk about my body being violated by someone, or things in reference to my body. She gave me alot to think about when we talked about this stuff. In the end she said, would you please just consider taking meds ( I have never taken them before), I told her I would try. She told me that its her job not only to be concerned for my emotional health but for my physical health as well because it's all a part of me...

Anyways, just a little update about what took place this past session.
I am glad that she was concerned enough to talk with me about it, but dissapointed that I have gotten to this place, I did so well for so long.

[Fartraveler]

Wow that sounds like such a great session. I love it when T's are so upfront and frank about things. Good for you to being open to hearing all that!

I do the somatic thing too, I tend to respond to emotional stress through my body.

Also, it took my T nearly a year to persuade me to try an SSRI, but when I did, I found it really really helped.

-Far

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((((((((((((((((( hangingon ))))))))))))))))))))))))

[hangingon]

Fartraveler,
I have actually been seeing my therapist for a little over a year now too; she mentioned meds way back for anxiety but I didn't want to take any. She never tried to push meds on me, not until now that is. She thought now was the time for me to consider them because my saddness has become very pervasive, more so when I am alone. I finally talked with my doctor about them and will most likely be starting something next week.
It is great when they can see beyond our outer shell; I tend to hide a lot from my T, I think she is starting to figure me.

Sitting,
Thank you for the big hug.........Big one right back at you ((((((((((SITTING)))))))))))))

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by hangingon

I finally talked with my doctor about them and will most likely be starting something next week.

for my own information... is there any thing they can give in an antidepressant way that is not contraindicated by alcohol? My impression is that there isn't... moderation is fine, but I don't want to have to quit entirely & for good. just wonderin'

[zooropa]

your T cares so much about it, it's so nice to read about that, hangingon.

good luck with starting meds, I hope you find one that works for you and helps relieve some of your depression. It's great that you were able to talk to your dr about it. You are doing so good, being able to talk to your T about this stuff and then going to your dr, too, keep up the good work!

[laura2]

Hi hangingon, i remember from your previous posts like most you've had your ups & downs with your T, but i think she really cares about you, & you have come along way with her, i can understand why you are unsure, but i honestly think she has your best interests at heart & she wants to do right by you, it would be benefical to let GP in a little, i was always dead against med's, but i have to admit they did help me, & they helped me cope with T better, i always thought it was one or the other, but they both support each other.

[hangingon]

Sitting,
I am not sure if there is an anti-depressant that allows for alcohol. I actually drink once in a while, not very often. I drank the first day I started taking mine (my GP put me on Lexapro), and it didn't seem to affect me at all. Lexapro is broken down by the liver, so I am sure if it was excessive drinking that would be a problem but here and there I am sure is fine. My doctor plans on me having liver blood tests to keep it check anyways while on the med.

Thanks Zooropa!
As stated above, I just started on Lexapro 3 days ago, was a little irritable and anxious feeling today from it, but hoping that passes. I am learning that my T does care about me. After the med talk that day, she hugged me before I left (our usual) and said it's about me caring for you, I thought that was sweet of her. She asked what time my doctors appointment was then said she would be giving me a virtual hug at that time. I am usually just thinking whatever, but for some reason, it felt more sincere this time.

Laura,
Thanks for sharing your experience. And yes, I am starting to sense that my T does care.

I am still somewhat leary about taking the med but my T asked me to please just give it a try, allow it some time, so I am going to do that

I didn't let my GP know much at all just told her it was because of the passing of my mom as well as some changes that had taken place recently (she did give me her cell phone number and said sometimes people just need to talk so if you ever need to just call me.)

Somehow I think I may be more comfortable having these talks with a psychiatrist rather than my GP though, since they are more experienced, and since the med experience is so new to me. I just got a couple of names from my T to perhaps check one of them out.

[sittingatwatersedge]

thanks for your reply!! I sure hope this new path is what you need. Being sad all the time is the pits.