Cant's seem to stop crying...need some support please

I don't know what is going on with me these past few days. Saw T on Monday and have been going downhill ever since. I have been crying on an off all day today and yesterday. This isn't at all like me at all. I think losing my other supportive person is catching up with me. I thought I was handling it well, but now i just cry and cry. I really have trouble with change. I have been feeling like someone else. I'm just not myself, like I'm not all the way inside my body. I have made so much progress in the past few years and now i am wondering if I will ever be any better. I am so scared of living. I called T yesterday and she helped me to stop crying and get myself to a work related function. Like I said, this is not me at all. I don't usually cry so much outside of session. I usually save tears for in session and manage to keep myself together outside. I feel like i am losing my sense of identity. Like no one knows me, not even me! Does anyone else ever feel this way. Please help, i don't know if i should call T again, or maybe i could just write it all out. Thanks for listening.

I wish I could express myself like Peaches and Rainbow and Treehouse. I can't get the words

((((((((((((Tay)))))))))))))))

You did a fine job of expressing yourself.

Could it be true that you've made so much progress AND you are struggling right now? I don't think it's either/or. Having a hard time right now doesn't take away from everything you've done up until now. Getting better doesn't mean that we'll never have a hard time again. I think it means that we have LESS hard times, and that when we do have a hard time, we can figure out some tools to help us through it....just like you are doing right now, by reaching out here and by calling T.

Losing a support person is a big, huge deal. It makes sense that you would feel sad and lost. I would think there would be grieving that comes with such a loss. Maybe that is what you're experiencing...

For me, if I am REALLY having a hard time (like you are) and I start wondering if I should call T, it usually means I should call T. I almost never call T (e-mail is another story!), and when I have that thought ("should I call?"), I pay attention to it.

I'm glad you are reaching out here But I am so sorry that it's so hard right now.

(((((((((Tay))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you have lost a support person. Could you call your T and get support? Please take care of yourself.

(((((((Tay)))))) yeah - i think of this stuff as cyclical. after a while, i can recognize that I have been in this point before, and it is asy to think I am not really making progress. but the thing it, it is like a helix; it is cyclical, but you're up another rung. It may not feel like it, but you can't be entirely where you were before - it isn't possible. you know more now, you feel more now, there is new insight. You've moved even if it feels like 2 steps backwards. the upside is that you also get to move out of this too, to the next cycle (whatever that is for you).

I too am going through a LOT of change, and lost/losing several support people - and the amount of crying could sink my apartment. I usually also hold on ok in the week - but not right now. So I am working with acceptance. I can't fix it, and i can't stop it, so i can try to have some compassion for myself while I am grieving the changes and loss of support - and also know that I can carry more of my own emotional weight now. I am stronger - and my guess is, somewhere in there, you are too.
hugs if you want them, kiya

Sometimes therapy stirs things up. Sometimes processing therapy stirs things up. It can feel very sad and so hard to describe or define.

(((Tay))) I want to give some heartfelt hugs. Losing a support person, or any person from our lives can trigger awful feelings from childhood. Even losing someone that you sorta want to lose can bring up these feelings for me.

I like your idea of writing it all out. Even just writing and writing and not censoring anything. See where it takes you and what it might bring up.

Im am so sorry you are sad and going through this now. Can you schedule an extra session with T? ANything you can do for some temporary extra contact?

me losing psych nurse this week for example. me crying over losing an abrasive woman i didn't even really trust.

I dont see anything wrong with crying. Perhaps thats what you need more off?

((((Tay)))) Keep being honest with the emotions and posting how you feel. Sometimes the emotions make no logical sense at all. Therapy can sometimes open up old wounds that we forgot were there. Then we hurt and have no clue as to why we hurt. That part stinks. So be gentle with yourself and go with the experience. Maybe now is the time you need to cry and let it all out?

(((TAY)))

I can soooo relate to what you're going through. I've been there, and it's an awful feeling. Many times for me it's due to what's been stirred up in session. I also noticed that I am less detached from my emotions, which makes it hard. I preferred being detached because I was less affected. Now, things affect me more...I'm feeling more...and I don't like it.

Be kind to yourself. Write it out here...or do some journaling about the sensations that you're feeling, even if you have no explanation. It may be of help. And call T if you need to.

TayQuincy,
How are you going? Did you call T?
Thinking of you.....
I hope you're ok.

Thanks everyone! I am okay. I had a better day yesterday, tried to stay busy so I didn't think too much. I think I was trying to use my good coping skills. I haven't called T yet,...maybe tomorrow. I hesitate to call her when I just called her recently. I don't want calling to become an issue with T because it is so important to me.

I think my smaller parts just couldn't hold back the tears from losing my other counselor. I miss her so much! It's hard to lose people, that is the worst part of life to me!! I thought i was handling it well, but I guess it makes sense that i need to grieve this loss.

I think I will try to write it all out today. I admire those of you who can write and express how you are feeling so well. I always seem to have censors working in the background, inhibiting me.

Thanks so much to all for your support and caring!!!

Tay,

Just want to give you some hugs. Everyone expresses themselves differently. I write better than I talk, but that's just me. Glad you're feeling a little better.

glad you're feeling a little better
Losing people is SO hard for me, too, even if it's someone I don't really mind losing like blue & kiya said. Change has always always been hard for me, I'm working on it but it still hurts, even "good" change.

You are doing good, allowing yourself to feel that grief over the loss.