REALLY REALLY struggling

My assumption was that you got vulnerable with T all the time. Is this different?

Tree,

Maybe a good goal for your session today would be to simply show up and see that your T is still there and still loves and accepts you, despite all your emotions and vulnerability.

Possible?

I think the struggle between the fantasy and the real relationship in therapy is where the confusion comes. I often have things I wish I could say about how I feel about us, but when I see her face to face its like, wow, did I really think that? But its the talking about both sides of the relationship, the real and the fantasy that has to be done. Once I enter the room I begin to "come too" again. When I'm on the other end of a pc my fantasy takes over.

Oh WOW. Sorry to drag out this thread, but I am back from my sesssion.

Crying, crying, crying. SO many tears. Even T had tears. There was just SO MUCH SADNESS there

I thought on the way home about the question someone asked here (was it griffinp?) about how to just let go and let it all out. And I think that for me, we've kind of spiraled around and around this stuff for the past 2 1/2 years and are finally THERE, at the hardest, saddest, most hurt part of me. And there's just TEARS there. It's sad. There's nothing to DO but cry.

T brought up the e-mail at the end of session and said how much wisdom there was in it. I love him for accepting me so much.

I asked if he was frustrated, and he said that he gets frustrated that I can't see what he can see. But he's not angry. And I asked how many times I could tell the stories, and he said I needed to tell them over and over again until I have power over them. And I asked how long it's allowed to take and he said "one day plus forever".

But, ouch. My head hurts. It's just so hard.

You are doing such good work Tree...............

Oh my tree! Sounds sooooo hard, and yet you are doing it! Incredible. Your T is awesome

((((((((Tree))))))

Don't worry about posting here. We are here to support you. I'm glad that you wrote that email to T saying what you needed and then went to session. I'm glad you have planned out the next little while so you have plans on what you are going to do. Please continue to take care of yourself.

((((((((((((((((((Treehouse)))))))))))))))))

I jut wanted to give you my and support too.
Please keep posting if it helps you. So many people here care about you.

I think you are very brave and wise to plan out your days so well.
You are doing great. My is with you.

Tree, you're doing great. I admire you VERY, VERY much!! Your T is amazing. Wish I could "borrow" him for my stuff. I hope you have a good night and can distract yourself with your kids tonight.

That is such a reassuring and loving response. Hang in there, tree. Your T is with you all the way. I am so glad you have him.

oh wow. That is amazing. Your T is right there with you, tree. I'm so glad.

Good work! It sounds like this process is very difficult but you are doing well, you are making progress.

Tree,
YOu are doing amazing work.

Oh, Tree ((((())))) First, Im so sorry I am late to this thread and was not here for you today I wasnt on PC.

I love Ts response to you about how long it will take, he is so soothing and loving to 8 and maybe teen can even take that in. Its OK to cry, its so so sad what has happened, and it is so scary to be 8 and to be little Tree and go there, but you arent alone, dear Tree. Look at all the friends you have here. And I know you have friends with you, too. Can someone spend the night? Even with their kids? Someone you trust?

I love the small Tree that wrote the email to T. T is so wise. There IS so much wisdom in what you wrote to him. It is AMAZING you can need him like you do and he is there like he is for you. He sees what you cannot yet see. You will see it, and, like Deli said, the storm will pass and there will be peaceful Octobers. You will tell your stories over and over until they dont hurt so much

You have good plans coming up for the next couple of days and maybe you can put aside the pain during those times.

I love you, my dear friend, I am with you

(((((Tree)))))

I'm sorry that you are hurting so much right now...

But I am VERY proud of you!! You have so much strength. Those negative coping skills can just keep calling because you know you do not need to answer.

I know it probably feels like you just want to hide away...and that's okay...just keep yourself safe because you have done well and you deserve to be safe and you deserve to take good care of yourself. All that yucky stuff that tells you you don't deserve these things is just a bunch of lies that you were programmed with at an earlier time.

There is a qoute that I read. I can't remember who stated it but reading your post made me think of it. It says....

"Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong."

When you feel your worst, just picture how beautiful you are and how much shade and respite we all get from the shelter of you and your branches.

one day plus forever.... is that a long time or a short time? or you get to chose the time? forever seems really long to gain mastery over something. But i do know that it can be done because both my T and my MD/GP have. They are healthy and inspiring others and dr's to boot! so it is possible. have hope!