[elliemay]

Kinda homesick,
but you don't really have a home,
so being homesick is kinda stupid.

I'm in that place tonight.

Maybe it's just a yearning for a sense of home.

It's particularly acute after a kind of "meh" therapy session. Seems to make it more pronounced I guess.

I was born in the mountains. Maybe that's what I'm sick for.

At least the terrain fits the feelings.

Sorry, but I have been known, on occasion, to howl at the moon.

[jexa]

Oh ellie I know what you mean. It's such a sad and wistful feeling to have. (((((elliemay)))))

These are the times I think we are longing for a connection to something solid and real.. the times we need to talk to someone we REALLY connect with, the times we need to look through old photo albums and remember the good times we've had.

Is there anything around that will restore that connection for you? Can you call an old friend (or contact someone from the past on facebook maybe?) or look at old pictures? Is there anyone you truly love in the world that you might be able to write a letter to? Maybe restoring connections will help you feel at home tonight..

Yes, yes, yes.

Before I had kids, I used to go running around my medium-sized town at night, so I could look in people's windows and see what "home" might look like. I was homesick...but for something I never had, and could only catch glimpses of through other people's windows.

I think I finally have the home I was looking for now. It took a long time to get here.

I hope you can find some peace tonight. There's nothing wrong with howling at the moon.

[BlueMoon6]

Oh, Ellimay, I cant believe you posted about this. I have always had this feeling. A feeling of wanting a home. Homesick for home, but there is no home. This is such a huge issue for me, too. It has been a running theme throughout my life...looking for home. The title of my memoir.

I have always had these dreams about a house. There are a couple of different ones, that I live in or miss or try to purchase. Or I try to get home to. I can see the houses now if I think hard about it. They arent real places, just places that I have never seen but keep popping up now and then in my dreams. They each have a different kind of coziness to them. Just like you said, its a yearning for a sense of home. A safe place to be me.

[googley]

I too understand what you are talking about. About wanting a place to return to that feels safe and loving. And then knowing that it isn't a real place you can go to.

[writingwithink]

Yes, I, like many, also experience this. Recently a little kid inside has emerged who cries for "mommy," and since then I've had this desire of wanting to call my mother as an adult to share with her things in my life, and to get advice on things like the job, relationship, etc. But I can't.

I hope you find peace in your struggle.

writing

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Oh, Ellimay, I cant believe you posted about this. I have always had this feeling. A feeling of wanting a home. Homesick for home, but there is no home. This is such a huge issue for me, too. It has been a running theme throughout my life...looking for home. The title of my memoir.

I have always had these dreams about a house. There are a couple of different ones, that I live in or miss or try to purchase. Or I try to get home to. I can see the houses now if I think hard about it. They arent real places, just places that I have never seen but keep popping up now and then in my dreams. They each have a different kind of coziness to them. Just like you said, its a yearning for a sense of home. A safe place to be me.

You are not alone. I get glimpses of it everynow and then, a faint feeling, but it quickly dissapates. I know that it's up to me to create this place, if it can be created and not given.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by googley

I too understand what you are talking about. About wanting a place to return to that feels safe and loving. And then knowing that it isn't a real place you can go to.

I'm sorry that anyone else feels this way. But it's nice to be understood.

[Envision]

Yep, understand it perfectly and for anyone with a less than ideal home as a child, I'm sure they understand it also. A better question might have been does anyone not feel like this at one time or another. Since your proven normal, now what?

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Envision

Yep, understand it perfectly and for anyone with a less than ideal home as a child, I'm sure they understand it also. A better question might have been does anyone not feel like this at one time or another. Since your proven normal, now what?

Of course I wouldn't have known that it was a better question to ask, if I hadn't asked the original one in the first place would I?

Now what?

Not much changes, except that I, and potentially others, realize that we're not alone in feeling that way.

It's not like my life grinds to a halt when I experience bouts of feeling homesick and now, all of a sudden because I'm normal, it won't.

It's not like now I'm going to walk around singing "... gonna be a bright bright sun shiny day"

But maybe now, that I have additional perspectives about it, the experience will seem a little less pathological, a little less stupid in my mind. Maybe it's a little easier to understand where that feeling comes from, how to absorb it and not attach a reaction to it.

Or maybe we get to howl at the moon on occasion and not feel compelled at the moment to do a damn thing about it.

[sittingatwatersedge]

definitely have had that feeling from time to time!!! you're not alone!!!
I hope you got some good sleep last night.
SAWE


PS about this >>> Sorry, but I have been known, on occasion, to howl at the moon.
Hey no apologies!!! Have you met our friend Stumpy here on PC?

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by elliemay

You are not alone. I get glimpses of it everynow and then, a faint feeling, but it quickly dissapates. I know that it's up to me to create this place, if it can be created and not given.

I love what you said. It is so true.It has to be created now, childhood is over. It wasnt there for me then and I cant re-do. Thats what I try to do, re-do, undo. All I ever wanted was a family and a home to come home to. A place where I can feel safe and loved for who I am. When I write it, it sounds stupid to me, like who am I to deserve these things, but all I ever wanted is so simple yet SO hard. In many ways I have to fight not repeating dysfunctional behavior with my kids and husband. It is a struggle that continues. And, you know, even when I have what I think is "home" I never quite believe it and I look desperately for ways to fix what isnt broken. Its as if I have to learn to stop "re-doing" take a breath and look around me to see where home is now. Sigh....

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by SAWE

PS about this >>> Sorry, but I have been known, on occasion, to howl at the moon.
Hey no apologies!!! Have you met our friend Stumpy here on PC?

OMG OMG OMG! I cant stop laughing!!!! Stumpy???? You there????? LMAO!!!!!!!!!

[chaotic13]

Yes I have felt this way. I think all human beings long for the things that are described as a sense of home. I would say that you are not only normal for wanting/missing this sense of home. But normal people who grow up in a "normal" home with a "normal" loving family, etc...have days where they are sad and homesick.

One thing I am currently working on is trying to not to assume that when I am struggling it is because I had a challenging childhood. For me I need to stop thinking I'm the only one who has these feelings.