since i don't have therapy on a regular basis, my feelings can range from being excited to go to t or scared to death because i haven't been in so long... 3 months this last time; anyways most of the time the sessions are great but sometimes we just do not click... it is like he is yang and i am yin. or black and white.. oil and water.... nothing and tonight, nothing.... makes me wonder if i should go back? yes, i have depression (answering myself).... three times he told me tonight he wasn't judging me on a behavior i have that he doesn't approve of,,, but by the third time it felt like he was judging me and i couldn't say a thing about it... i left early because i just couldn't do it anymore. i gotta have a connection because of my self esteem and no one can beat me up mentally like t can in my mind... so scared and it started raining again after three beautiful days!

[ECHOES]

That sounds like a disappointing session.
Why couldn't you say to him that his (obsessive? lol) telling you 3 times that he isn't judging you made you angry?

Do you have another session soon?

[darkrunner]

I had the same kind of session a few weeks ago, in which I felt judged.
It felt really awful.
But now after seeing my T again, I'm pretty sure she wasn't judging me, but maybe she was misunderstanding me. Or maybe it was just me and my insecurities that were misunderstanding HER.
It is hard to believe what she said about that, but I am trying.
That was the first time that she made me feel that way, and all the times before that were good.
So I think I'll keep going back and keep trying to trust.

3 months is a long time betwen sessions.....can you try to go back sooner this time?
Could you write out your feelings in a letter or email, or call him?

(((((((((((((((jbmomg)))))))))))))))

I have learned that honestly EVERY time I've felt like I was being judged by T, I was judging MYSELF. I couldn't believe that someone wouldn't judge me for whatever it was I was saying, and my defenses were up, and no matter what he said, I was sure he was sitting there full of judgment.

I get it now - it really IS me, and not him - but it's still hard to feel it when I am in a really vulnerable place, or talking about something really hard.

Can you call him? It feels like it would be hard to sit with this for months.

[mixedup_emotions]

Oh, I am so sorry that you had a disappointing session with T.

I like Tree's idea of calling your T to discuss this, so that you don't have to sit with this for so long before your next session...

Originally Posted by darkrunner

I had the same kind of session a few weeks ago, in which I felt judged.
It felt really awful.
But now after seeing my T again, I'm pretty sure she wasn't judging me, but maybe she was misunderstanding me. Or maybe it was just me and my insecurities that were misunderstanding HER.
It is hard to believe what she said about that, but I am trying.
That was the first time that she made me feel that way, and all the times before that were good.
So I think I'll keep going back and keep trying to trust.

3 months is a long time betwen sessions.....can you try to go back sooner this time?
Could you write out your feelings in a letter or email, or call him?

I could go back sooner, as often as i wish, he has been t for ten years +, and so that is not an issue, but you are right , my insecurities are and it was probably just me, but it still feels rotten all the same.... does that make sense??? I could call him but too chicken right now... thanks,j

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Oh, I am so sorry that you had a disappointing session with T.

I like Tree's idea of calling your T to discuss this, so that you don't have to sit with this for so long before your next session...

Mue, far and tree... I will go in sooner this time, I cannot sit on this for three months...you are all right... why does therapy have to suck so bad for so long sometimes.... i know he is good for me, and 95% of the time he is on his "a" game,,, but last night, no, nada, nothing... and just plain yuck! thanks for all the hugs

[darkrunner]

my insecurities are and it was probably just me, but it still feels rotten all the same.... does that make sense??? I could call him but too chicken right now... thanks,j

From everything people post here, it seems like that is a common thread in therapy - it feels rotten but we do it anyway because it is what will help.
It does make sense.
I was too chicken to contact my T again after our lousy session - but so many people told me it was the right thing to do (including pdoc), that I just closed my eyes (literally) and did it. And it turned out fine.

[WePow]

Maybe he had something on his mind? There are days when my T is distracted. I can tell the difference from his good T days and his not-as-good T days. And I miss him when he is not at his best. But it makes me realize that he is a human just like I am. And the more I realize this, the more I see that I also do not always have to be so perfect in life. I can also have my off-days. For me, seeing this part was just flat out huge!!!