[peaches100]

I've made a decision to stop emailing my t. My first step was to tell her that i no longer expect her to reply unless i ask for one.

Already, i feel triggers.

I explained why this is so triggering for me in the other "Email" thread. Stuff to do with my childhood.

I guess I've never gotten over the horrible empty feeling of separation from my mom. It hurt so much! In grade school, i would call her at work because i missed her so much. But it wasn't enough. I'd want to call her again. I got threatened with punishment if i called her more than once. Often, my parents wouldn't come home on time. They'd go out drinking and not even call us until they'd been past due for an hour or more. They'd promise to be home at a certain time, and still wouldn't be there. I'd look out the window into the dark, so afraid they had gotten into a car crash and were lying dead somewhere. I'd cry so hard when she left for a week on business trips. I'd be so afraid her plane would crash, and I'd never see her again.

Even when my mom was home, I often was suffering emotionally, and she didn't respond to it at all or even seem to notice. Often, when my dad drank too much, he'd tease and pick on me until i cried, then laughed about it. My mom was right in the room and did nothing to stop him. Later when i was crying in my room, she didn't come in to explain why my dad acted that way, or do anything or comfort me. When I told her my neighbor SA me, she just said "Don't go there anymore" and didn't even bother to talk to me about it or help me with my confusion and guilt.

Even as an adult, when i went through a horrific clinical depression, lost 26 pounds, and was hospitalized for suicidal thinking, she never even acknowledged that i'd been in the hospital. She wouldn't acknowledge my depression, saying it was just "hormones." She wouldn't admit my problems had anything to do with my upbringing. I tried to talk to her about it once or twice, but it went nowhere, so i stopped even trying to talk about it or get any support.

Even at my worst depression, when my parents come to town, they'd expect me to play the "happy little girl" part. Neither one of them would even mention my depression. If i brought it up, my mom would just stay silent. So i stopped even mentioning it. In the meantime, my mom would jabber on and on about the singing groups she is in, and show me newspaper clippings with her picture in the paper. She'd talk about her crafts and hobbies and how she was the president of the church club and how she won the "Best Quilt" award at her quilting club.

And the whole time, in my mind, behind my smiling mask, i could hardly keep standing. There was no acknowledgement whatsoever for any problems i was going through. Or my husband's problems. He has ankylosing spondylitis, coronary artery disease (he had a heart attack at 43), asthma, rapid cycling bipolar disorder, kidney impairment, etc. He can't work and is trying to get on disability. We're trying to live on one income. Our life is HARD. But on most visits, my parents wouldn't even ask how either of us was doing.

My parents are well to-do. They are 66 and have been retired since they were 52. Their house is paid for, their cars are paid for, they travel, my mom is having the time of her life.

And she doesn't even see me.

She comes to town, and my role is to be her cheerleader and admirer.

While i smile and hide my pain.

I hurt and i am invisible.

Guess maybe i've been trying to ease that pain and fill that empty place inside with my t's caring. But she's only my t. She can't be a mom to me. She can't be there for me every time i reach out.

i don't want to face this aloneness.

[sunrise]

Peaches. Interactions with your mother sound so painful. Hope springs eternal, and perhaps you are hoping each visit she will be different and more caring. It just sounds like it isn't going to happen. You know how you are stopping emailing your T (to prevent your hurt)? In similar vein, maybe you should just stop seeing your mother? I'm not trying to encourage breaking up your family, but I don't know, peaches, the times your parents visit just sound so grim, so depressing. Who needs that?--sorry if that sounds callous. Have you ever talked with your T about your current relations with your mother and father? What you can do in the present to deal with them and your interactions with them? Have you ever said directly to your mother that you feel ignored by her and your very important life concerns minimized by her lack of talk about them? When things are so awful in relationships, what have we got to lose by telling the truth? Maybe, just maybe (although it really doesn't sound like it), there has been a misunderstanding and if your parents knew from you directly, in plain language, how you felt, things might change? "Mom, every time you visit you talk only about your own activities and life. I feel whenever I bring up anything about myself or my troubles, such as my depression, you ignore it. I'm tired of that. Why are you so unconcerned with me? If you don't want to have more of a reciprocal relationship with me, your daughter, then maybe we should take a break from these visits." That's just me throwing out some words, but you know what I mean? I would be interested to hear what strategies you and your T have discussed to handle the present day, hurtful relationship with your parents. Their visits just sound awful.

[SpottedOwl]

(((peaches)))

Ouch! I'm so sorry your parents don't see what an amazing person you are. I think sunrise makes some good points. I had to separate from my family for a while as part of my own healing. Once I was stronger I started to contact them again and reconnect.

I know that T can never replace your mom, but she can teach you how to be a caring mother to your little parts. You, ultimately, will become your own 'mother'...and then you will never be alone.

Many supportive and safe hugs for you.

Peaches, maybe I am thinking of the wrong person, but didn't you try to do this a few months ago. I thought you had this email thing worked out with your t so you had some boundaries that were workable for both you and your t. (Sorry if I'm thinking of the wrong person; it's hard to keep everyone straight.)

I think your plan to not expect a reply unless you specifically ask for one is reasonable. Why do you have to take it to no emails at all?

[WePow]

(((((((( peaches ))))))))))) wow! You really have been through so much in life - but you keep on fighting and staying in the battle! So sorry you went through so much and the pain is so deep.

[rainbow8]

Peaches. I'm sorry I don't have time to respond now, but just want to give you some hugs.

[TayQuincy]

peaches,

I am so sorry that your parents were, and still ARE, so neglectful. I can feel the pressure to be forced into the role of "happy little girl" and how destructive that is. It sounds like your mother acts as if the world revolves around her, oblivious to the needs of her own daughter. It really makes sense that you struggle with having needs, and knowing how to get those needs met. Why not show your T exactly what you wrote here?

I do think it's wise to stop emailing your T. It seems all it really does is retraumatize you. Unless your expectations were lowered, and/or your t made an effort to respond better, it doesn't seem at all healthy to email.

[Sannah]

Your mom sounds like she has NPD? Yes, it does sound like this email/T thing is triggering up your relationship with your mom. Maybe work on what this relationship with your mom means to you then?

(((((Peaches))))))

I'm really sorry that you're in pain and that the email issue keeps triggering you. Your mom sounds really tough to deal with and like your issues with her go back a long way -- good for you for figuring this out and I hope you can discuss it with your T.

Originally Posted by peaches100

Guess maybe i've been trying to ease that pain and fill that empty place inside with my t's caring. But she's only my t. She can't be a mom to me. She can't be there for me every time i reach out.

This could be really important for you. I think my T would say that you need to grieve the loss of this relationship with your mom (and it sounds like you are). Your mom wasn't there for you and probably never will be in the way that you want her to. You deserved it and it sucks that you didn't get it. You are so right that your T can never fill that void in completely. She cannot be your total "answer" to that pain. But she can support you while you look for other ways to fill it in. That distinction can be painful, but maybe important.

As far as stopping the emails, it might be worth trying? I could see it as you taking control rather than putting yourself in a passive position over and over where you're waiting and let down (replaying the past). Taking that initiative for stopping the pain could be really good (especially if you don't do it in anger and chuck the whole T relationship, but merely change that boundary to something that works better for you). You taking active control of your journey and your healing -- well, that just sounds like it might be really empowering. Just my two cents. Hope you find something that works for you.

[BlueMoon6]

((((Peaches))) I think we have the same mother. My mother had a Narcissistic Personality Disorder so she did not have capacity to see anything if it wasnt in terms of herself. She just didnt have the ability to do it. And I structured my life around what she needed from me (as a child, anyway).

As a adult, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds so incredibly painful and the more you are aware of her selfish behavior, the more painful it can be.

I think, for me, it has been to acknowledge the loss of something I never really had. Its a painful loss. A void. An empty place where a mother's unselfish love should be. No conversation with her is going to change who she is. I think it is more acceptance and grieving for what I (you?) wanted and and never had. Not just for something that was lost, but grieving the fantasy that it would ever be different and I could ever get the love from her. I never had it and I never will have it, not the way I needed it or wanted it. Its a very sad, slow process this grieving, but I thonk with grieving comes the freedom to not expect her to be any different and to see her behavior as her behavior and having little to do with me and my worth. It may be easier to deal with her when you can take that step back and realize who she is and that she isnt going to be any different even though we might crave her to be. Mom isnt going to be the good mommy we always wanted. I am so so so sorry, Peaches I am going through the same thing with my feelings about my mother.

Originally Posted by peaches100

Guess maybe i've been trying to ease that pain and fill that empty place inside with my t's caring. But she's only my t. She can't be a mom to me. She can't be there for me every time i reach out.

i don't want to face this aloneness.

Oh, (((((peaches)))))

I have been feeling this same thing with my T. Feeling like I have this BIG EMPTY SPACE where the love was supposed to be when I was a child, and like the only way to fill it up is with T. And it makes me need and want T SO much and it's painful.

I wish I knew how to make it better. I'm actually going to ask T about it tomorrow, although I'm kind of scared of hearing the answer

Not much help, but a lot of for you...

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, Peaches. I know how much you wish your relationship with both of your parents had been different. Did you ever do what Sunrise suggested, to directly tell your Mom how you felt? I wonder what the outcome of a conversation like that would be.

I agree that you need to grieve the loss of the mother you wished you had, and also grieve for what your T can never be. I remember when I finally accepted that my T could not be my mother. It hurt incredibly.

I wish you didn't have to look at the email situation as black or white. Sometimes an email from your T helps you, though often it's triggering and you send another, and then you get triggered or upset by your T's response or lack of response. That's how it was with my phone calls to my T. But sometimes I knew a phone call would help. I just had to lower my expectations.

Does your T think it's best for you to stop emailing her? What does she suggest you do? I will support you in whatever you decide. I hope you can get some peace with this issue, and with your grief about your parents. Maybe this email discussion and how it relates to your parents is going to help with your healing.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Peaches. Interactions with your mother sound so painful. Hope springs eternal, and perhaps you are hoping each visit she will be different and more caring. It just sounds like it isn't going to happen. You know how you are stopping emailing your T (to prevent your hurt)? In similar vein, maybe you should just stop seeing your mother? I'm not trying to encourage breaking up your family, but I don't know, peaches, the times your parents visit just sound so grim, so depressing. Who needs that?--sorry if that sounds callous. Have you ever talked with your T about your current relations with your mother and father? What you can do in the present to deal with them and your interactions with them? Have you ever said directly to your mother that you feel ignored by her and your very important life concerns minimized by her lack of talk about them? When things are so awful in relationships, what have we got to lose by telling the truth? Maybe, just maybe (although it really doesn't sound like it), there has been a misunderstanding and if your parents knew from you directly, in plain language, how you felt, things might change? "Mom, every time you visit you talk only about your own activities and life. I feel whenever I bring up anything about myself or my troubles, such as my depression, you ignore it. I'm tired of that. Why are you so unconcerned with me? If you don't want to have more of a reciprocal relationship with me, your daughter, then maybe we should take a break from these visits." That's just me throwing out some words, but you know what I mean? I would be interested to hear what strategies you and your T have discussed to handle the present day, hurtful relationship with your parents. Their visits just sound awful.

Hi Sunrise,

. . .perhaps you are hoping each visit she will be different and more caring.

Yes, I think I do keep hoping for that.

. . .maybe you should just stop seeing your mother?

You know, I really couldn't do that. I'd feel awful, and nobody in my family would understand why in the world I'd do that. I have one sister, who is very close to my mom and actually begs her to come visit as much as possible. So it makes me wonder if the problem is me??? Besides that, even though my mom doesn't acknowledge my pain or problems, she's always upbeat, happy, and full of life. I couldn't bear to cut her off.

Have you ever talked with your T about your current relations with your mother and father?

I have. My t believes my mom has narcissistic qualities. She's not a mean person at all, but very self-absorbed. My t doesn't think i should entertain hope that things will change much in my relationship with my folks. She says that she doesn't believe my mom or dad are capable of giving me what i want, which is a close, emotionally honest, supportive relationship.

What you can do in the present to deal with them and your interactions with them?

We were just talking about this yesterday on my session. We were going through a part in a DBT book about the importance of making "I statements" when there's a conflict, in order to express your own feelings, rather than blame the other party. Some of the phrases were, "I feel upset by that," "I feel ignored when you don't listen," "I was hurt when you did that." (Rather than "You jerk! Why did you do that?! etc.) I told my t that nobody in my family talks about their feelings. We don't tell each other when we are hurt or angry about something the other did. We don't show our true feelings when it comes to our relationship.

There have been rare times when my dad has told me how he feels about me, but it has been when he's drinking, and what he has said has been very hurtful. At those times, i tried to stand up for myself (though i didn't know about "I messages"). But it didn't do any good. He wouldn't even listen to me, just interrupt and talk right over me. He doesn't respect me. Usually, he doesn't say anything mean to me. Only when he drinks too much. But I think when he's drunk, the truth comes out about how he feels about me. When he's sober, he acts aloof and seems to kind of avoid me.

Have you ever said directly to your mother that you feel ignored by her and your very important life concerns minimized by her lack of talk about them?

No. Never. I told my t I'm scared to death to tell them how i feel. I'm afraid of how they might respond. And I'm worried about hurting their feelings by bringing it up. I'm also scared to be that vulnerable in front of them. I think i would cry. And I'm afraid my dad would make fun of my feelings, because he used to do that when i was little. If he did that, i think it would trigger me into a bad state. I wish i could tell them how i feel. I really really do. But i am so terrified to.

I can think of a few times i've tried to open up to my mom about my feelings and the result wasn't good. I reminded her once about how, when i was little, i used to get so upset and cry when she went on her business trips. She replied, "Well, when i was at home, you never seemed interested in coming around and wanting to talk to me, so i thought it wouldn't matter." Also, years ago when my grandpa died, i told her, "Mom, I feel bad that i didn't get to know grandpa better." She replied, "Thanks alot. That doesn't make me feel any better about it."

She did admit once that if she could do over raising us, there were a few things she would do differently. She didn't say what. But for my mom, that's a big thing to admit. That was one time when i felt a little bit validated. Later, though, my husband told my mom about some of the things that contributed to my depression from my upbringing. . .and she told me immediately afterward, "I can't think of anything about the way you were raised that would have caused you problems today." So after a couple of attempts to make them understand what was contributing to my depression, i stopped bringing it up altogether.

When things are so awful in relationships, what have we got to lose by telling the truth?

You know, my t asked me this yesterday. She said, "Do you think your parents respect you?" I said, "No." Then she asked me would it be any worse if i started telling them how i feel? I don't know. I guess I'm afraid it could get worse. I just don't think they will listen or take me seriously. And. . .the saddest thing is. . .I don't think they "want" to know how i really think and feel inside. If they never ask me. And when i've told them some things, they have ignored or minimized them. So I feel afraid to even try and just put on the happy face like i am fine and nothing bothers me. I think that's what they want.

Maybe, just maybe (although it really doesn't sound like it), there has been a misunderstanding and if your parents knew from you directly, in plain language, how you felt, things might change?

Do you think so? It would be such a relief for me if i could be honest about my feelings and get some validation. I just feel so guilty about bringing up something that my mom is doing wrong. It will make me feel like I'm being mean to her or something. My t says that saying how i feel does not make me sound like a mean person. But I feel so bad about bringing up any of their faults. On the other hand, when i don't say anything, i am really unhappy inside and feel fake.

I need to think some more about all of this.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

(((peaches)))

Ouch! I'm so sorry your parents don't see what an amazing person you are. I think sunrise makes some good points. I had to separate from my family for a while as part of my own healing. Once I was stronger I started to contact them again and reconnect.

I know that T can never replace your mom, but she can teach you how to be a caring mother to your little parts. You, ultimately, will become your own 'mother'...and then you will never be alone.

Many supportive and safe hugs for you.

Hi Spotted Owl,

I'm sorry to know you had a painful experience with your family too. I'm glad to hear that you've been able to reconnect. With me, I think i've disconnected from them emotionally. I still see them when they come to visit, but i have the "Everything is A-OK, I'm fine" mask on, while the real me is deep inside hiding.

I really hope my t can help me become a good mom to my little parts. I can't seem to conjure up those warm, soft feelings for myself like i can for puppies and babies, etc. I try to, but sometimes i just don't feel anything. If one day, i can give myself what my little parts are crying for inside, i will be a much happier person and maybe some of the emptiness will go away.

[flora_poste]

Wow, that's really sad that your parents are like that. My mom had her own depression and by all right should not have been a mom. We had a terrible relationship till a couple years after I moved to the opposite coast. I left abruptly and I cut her off for a while. She was very controlling and scared to death to be alone, so she kept me down so I wouldn't want to leave. I don't think she fully realized thats what she was doing. My grandma is the same way (but waaaaaaaaay worse). My mom even told me when I was in the 7th grade that she'd disown me if I went to college and left her. When I did find the courage to leave, she realized that if she didn't change her attitude toward me she wouldn't have a daughter.

I also realized that just because she was a terrible parent, it doesn't mean she's a bad person. She had a mother much worse than she was, so she didn't have a good maternal role model and she'd been through so much that it just wasn't in her to show me love or affection. Up until a couple years ago I genuinely thought she hated me. Now we're good friends. I'm VERY thankful for it.

Unfortunately, your parents might not be as easy. Some people just don't know how to deal with problems other than avoidance and denial. Your parents were not fit to raise a child, quite obviously. I'm sure they know on some level, It's probably too painful for them to even acknowledge to themselves that they weren't good parents and they are probably the reason why you are in so much pain. I know if I were a mother, it would kill me to know I made my kids life a living hell. My grandmother beat my mom bloody (literally) with belts and wire hangers. She also left her own mother to starve and die even though she lived a block away. She still denies everything and swears she was the perfect mother and daughter. My grandmother is now in her 80's, making my moms life hell and is completely miserable because she can't see anything past herself. It's sad. Some people refuse to see reality and will never see it. Sometimes it's just best to accept people for what they are and keep your distance for your own well being. I know I could never go back home because I'd be driven crazy and manipulated. But let me tell you, since I left and cut them off for a while, both my mom and grandmother treat me like gold. The only way to change someones behavior is to 1st change yours. They still may not change, but they'll likely respect you more for not needing them or their approval.

I wish you much luck!

[purple_fins]

Peaches,

I think that's a big part of why I don't email T.
I know that I'd have such anxiety waiting for the reply and then the possiblity of not understanding the reply or even worse-- feeling hurt by it -- would be just too much.
I think it would hurt the paper thin connection that we have worked so hard to build.

I have a history of much trauma and relation problems - trust is not anywhere near strong enough to allow such a fickle communication process.
I think seeing and hearing what a T. is expressing is so important for some, and anything other than that can damage progress and/or the relationship with T.

I saw a psychologist in which I was able to email and he thought it would help me as I tend to not be able to express myself as well in person as with email..... but in the end, I believe, that is partly what brought the work to an end. I could never build up the trust I so needed, as I had too many questions/frustrations every time about some email expression. I left one day and never went back--no goodbyes- no anything-- after meeting with him for almost 3 years. I know the T. meant well-- but it was NOT what was best for me..... I see that now.

whatever you decide I hope it's what works best for your healing and inner-peace.

fins

[Sannah]

Peaches, It sounds like you have tried to express yourself to your parents previously. My bet is that they are incapable of changing.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Peaches, maybe I am thinking of the wrong person, but didn't you try to do this a few months ago. I thought you had this email thing worked out with your t so you had some boundaries that were workable for both you and your t. (Sorry if I'm thinking of the wrong person; it's hard to keep everyone straight.)

I think your plan to not expect a reply unless you specifically ask for one is reasonable. Why do you have to take it to no emails at all?

Hi Farmergirl,

Yes, you're right. We did talk about this not long ago. My t said she'd do her best to reply in a timely way, but that sometimes it would just not be possible to get back to me until later. I said OK. But after waiting all day for a reply this week and still not having it by the time i went home for the day, I felt bad again. I had a pretty strong hunch that she wasn't going to repy at all because I realized the question i had asked her wasn't really urgent and could have been interpreted as personal. (I had told her I'd taken the Myers Briggs test and had the most rare personality and wondered if she'd taken it).

I need to try not to email at all because it feels so bad to me to wait for hours or days! The problem is that i've always needed some kind of touching base, a reminder of the connection, midweek. Maybe i need that reminder of the connection itself, even more than the actual substance of the response. I've pared way down in my emailing, but find that i need at least 1 email exchange between sessions. But maybe i need to just learn to go without. Because not hearing back for hours feels bad. And knowing she's busy makes me feel guilty for doing it at all.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by WePow

(((((((( peaches ))))))))))) wow! You really have been through so much in life - but you keep on fighting and staying in the battle! So sorry you went through so much and the pain is so deep.

WePow,

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Peaches. I'm sorry I don't have time to respond now, but just want to give you some hugs.

Thanks, Rainbow! Hugs back to you!

Okay. Thanks for clarify (I'm glad I had the right person in mind.) You may find that this will get easier over time. It will take a week or so to readjust. Just be sure to allow yourself contact in an emergency. Hang tough!

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

peaches,

I am so sorry that your parents were, and still ARE, so neglectful. I can feel the pressure to be forced into the role of "happy little girl" and how destructive that is. It sounds like your mother acts as if the world revolves around her, oblivious to the needs of her own daughter. It really makes sense that you struggle with having needs, and knowing how to get those needs met. Why not show your T exactly what you wrote here?

I do think it's wise to stop emailing your T. It seems all it really does is retraumatize you. Unless your expectations were lowered, and/or your t made an effort to respond better, it doesn't seem at all healthy to email.

Hi Tayquincy,

Thanks for your validation of my situation/feelings. I do honestly think that my mom was/is oblivious to my needs. The thing is, I don't know why she is that way. She's normally an upbeat happy person. But she flat-out just refuses (or doesn't) see anything bad or painful. Let me give you an example.

My mom plays the piano at nursing homes for the old people. Now to me, that must show that my mom has compassion and wants to help people in need, right? That's one reason why it hurts me so, so badly. I see her helping other people but she has rarely ever helped me or acknowledged my pain and struggles. I just don't understand.

Well anyway, one day when i was in town visiting her, it was her day to go the nursing home and play piano, so i went with her. The piano bench was missing, so we started looking around for it. It was in another room next door. So she started wheeling the piano bench back to the other room. As we passed through the room, we noticed a woman sitting there. She had her pants down and had defecated on the floor. She seemed really distressed (out of it), and was reaching out her arms to us and saying, "Help me! Please help me!" I looked over at my mom and she just smiled and continued wheeling the piano bench into the other room. Then she sat down and started arranging her music. I said, "But mom! What about that lady?!" She told me, "Don't worry about it. Someone will find her eventually." I felt so sad and weird, almost surreal. It dawned on me that maybe this is the way she treated me also when i had problems. Maybe she figured somebody else would help, or things would just work out somehow, or whatever. And she just smiled, like nothing bad was ever happening.

I feel so sad while writing this. I don't understand. It's like my mom wants to help people, but then again, she doesn't. My h says the only reason my mom does things for charity is because of the pats on the back, like her being the "Volunteer of the Year" at the nursing home. I want to think she does it because she wants to help people. But when things like that happen, like with the old lady in the nursing home, or with my problems, and she ignores it, i just don't know what to think.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

peaches,

I am so sorry that your parents were, and still ARE, so neglectful. I can feel the pressure to be forced into the role of "happy little girl" and how destructive that is. It sounds like your mother acts as if the world revolves around her, oblivious to the needs of her own daughter. It really makes sense that you struggle with having needs, and knowing how to get those needs met. Why not show your T exactly what you wrote here?

I do think it's wise to stop emailing your T. It seems all it really does is retraumatize you. Unless your expectations were lowered, and/or your t made an effort to respond better, it doesn't seem at all healthy to email.

I remember another time a few years ago, when i actually did reveal some of my true feelings to my mom about something. I was at her house and we were sitting in chairs across from one another. And i started to cry. My mom just sat there and acted like she didn't even notice.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Your mom sounds like she has NPD? Yes, it does sound like this email/T thing is triggering up your relationship with your mom. Maybe work on what this relationship with your mom means to you then?

Sannah,

My t said she thinks my mom is a narcissist. But i think she is too nice of a person to be one. She is never mean or unkind. She is always happy and smiling. And that's what makes it hard to be angry with her. Because even when I feel depressed and am suffering, she's so dang happy and smily. How could i complain about her or say something to ruin her mood?

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Your mom sounds like she has NPD? Yes, it does sound like this email/T thing is triggering up your relationship with your mom. Maybe work on what this relationship with your mom means to you then?

Sannah,

Yes. Yes. My relationship with my mom, with both parents really, is a very deep issue for me.