[Kiya]

Well.... I've been getting the run around in literally *every place* i have tried to get help. I've called places for the past 6 weeks trying (as some of you know); everyone from T to my ins to dr's to out patient clinics to... everywhere in 2 different counties.
Yesterday it culminated in my going to the ER (more specifically T to case worker to walk in clinic to ER).
I've had something like 2 weeks of increased anxiety and desperation, then 15 hours of panic attacks where in every instance I called someone for help they said "go to the hospital". I didn't accept that option. Tues, I nearly did go in... Wed a friend gave me a xanax... thurs i already outlined and the walk-in clinic counselor (who was AWESOME and I wanted to just keep her) basically wouldn't let me leave until i agreed to go to the ER and faxed all my info and how i "presented" there with her to them in advance. Each time I said I needed to think about it longer, or needed to go home, she just sat in the silence, looking very concerned, and waited. I don't have enough nerve to say "ok thanks, I'm leaving now" and walk out (i think i was also quite a bit younger by that time - maybe 14ish) and kept trying to get her to release me... but it soon became clear I'd not be let out until i agreed to go. Even a few more feeble "outs" she found ways around. *sigh*.

Thankfully, I'd been in contact with my mentor through all this and she dropped everything to meet me at the ER - she was a great support and advocate for me staying safe and not going into a full blown alter swap/panic attack. 2 hours later, no check up, 2 really nice medical personelle (female thanks to my mentor who asked for them), i was given 10 days worth of xanax.

****WHEW****

[ruffy]

Kiya, Im so happy you got help, and the xanax. Feel better cutie!

[googley]

((((((((Kiya))))))))))

WOW, kiya, what an ordeal. But look at how you kept at it and kept at it and kept at it until you got the help you needed. THAT is a huge, giant success.

I hope things calm down for you now.

Kiya, you go girl!!! I hope things keep moving forward for you

[Melbadaze]

Not sure xananx is always the answer, its a kinda of catch 22 situation. Sorry you well feeling awful, but which their were better ways out there to treat situations.

[TayQuincy]

Good for you for being determined to get the help you need. I'm glad you went to the ER. Sometimes it is the right place to stabilize you when you are heading into crisis mode. hugs to you!

wow. that was good that you knew what you needed and then worked with some people to get it.

it sounds like you also have a few supportive people in your life that are helpful. your lucky for that.

be safe

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

Not sure xananx is always the answer, its a kinda of catch 22 situation. Sorry you well feeling awful, but which their were better ways out there to treat situations.

ugh - me too now. major headache and stomachache! So for now I am done with them. They got me through, I got some desperately needed rest, and they're there if I need them again. Back to my regularly scheduled meds.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((all!!!)))))))))))))))

[turquoisesea]

(((((Kiya))))))))

[MissCharlotte]

((((((((dear Kiya))))))))

Hope the xanax kicked in and you're feeling better today.

[Kiya]

well i took today off them with the stomach ache and headache... but am reconsidering that option with the ontake of body memories and a really bad nightmare this morning that is still haunting me.

Would you be bummed if your own T hadn't checked in with you after you went into the ER for panic?

[googley]

((((((Kiya)))))
I'm sorry your T hasn't called to check in with you. I don't think my T would check in with me unless I asked her to (though we have a specific rule that I have to be very clear about wanting her to call back when I want her to call, she wont just call back because I call). Could you leave her a message asking her to call? Stay safe.

[BlueMoon6]

(((((Kiya)))) Im sending you a million hugs and Im glad you took a day off them to see how it goes.

I wish T had called back and you had more support. I dont think it is unusual to take meds when we are having body memories or flashbacks. Do you take klonopin?

I agree with Googley. Can you call and leave a meesage asking her specifically to call you back?

Please be safe. Im thinking about you

[TayQuincy]

Kiya,

I don't think my T would call me to check on me, even if I had just been in the ER. In fact, I know she wouldn't. Because I know her so well, and know how much she cares about me, I don't think I'd be bummed because I wouldn't expect it.

I hope your situation with your insurance get straightened out soon. That must be making things so much worse for you. You need consistency.

hang in there, and remember we care about you.

[Kiya]

((((((((all))))))) too tired to answer - took pill, going to bed =)

I would probably not get a call from my t either. I wouldn't really expect one actually. I know he cares, and he knows I'd call him if I need to. If you want to check in with your t, give her a call.

[Kiya]

actually - i'm going instead to take a break from t. get my mind away from the chaos, refresh, work on other things i need to, and not have contact. i am cancelling this week.
and i feel good about it.
=)

[imapatient]

Kiya, you're such a victim of a screwed up system, almost a case study of what's wrong (with the system). You seem to be not quite here, nor quite there as far as the system is concerned. It's horrible you had to end up in the ER when that could've been prevented.

I'm encouraged by your post about taking a week off; you sound in a better mood. I hope that is so.

Soon, though you'll be totally under the new T and clinic and have greater stability and support--true?

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by imapatient

You seem to be not quite here, nor quite there as far as the system is concerned. It's horrible you had to end up in the ER when that could've been prevented.

agreed 100%. i don't "fit" any one "pigeon hole" therefore i am flailing in the system. and i too believe this *could have been prevented*. And so many systems involved here - none of them are working.

I'm encouraged by your post about taking a week off; you sound in a better mood. I hope that is so.

yeah - i've got to get a grip and work on this final of mine. i can't CAN'T spend energy this week on the messed up systems. I'm not calling any of them, not meeting the apartment rep who wants me in case management, i'm not going to sit with him and call all over the dang city for answers that do not exist. I'm not going to fight with T. Not this week. No more. meh! I'm going to rely on the things I know I can do, write my final, i have the meds for back up (and found that really all I need is a 1/4 to get me thru when things start going down hill), and i know ALL that stuff will *sigh* still be waiting for me next week. I can pick it all up then oh yeah - and after emailing T, she responded that she agreed (that I need to work on my paper only) and that that is a good plan and see you in a week. she has no understanding that I'm pretty mad; at her, at me, at the systems, at ...at...at..... and yet i can see it all in Bigger Picture too, where i lose all my anger. BUT! I just can't let it take more time.

Soon, though you'll be totally under the new T and clinic and have greater stability and support--true?

gah!!! who the hell knows. at the walk in clinic, the gal said they don't perscribe benzos but she'd call my clinic as well as talk with their perscriber. "I actually got to talk to your therapist and she said she is still working with you around the anxiety, so since she is still willing to work with you, we can't actually prescribe you anything. Your therapist also said she'd be checking back with you - not today, but this week."
@_@
I broke down crying AGAIN and explained that i'd just seen T that very morning and she'd said she *couldn't* manage to help me because nothing seems to work.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooo i have absolutely NO idea what is going on or why T is contradicting herself.
so sick of it all. but that's the counselor who sat with me until i accepted that i was going to the ER. They were my last hope (and i do really mean last - I'd checked out every single lead, talked with all sorts of clinicians) and she could tell that even tho i said i was fine, said i needed to think about it, said i was going to go home - that there was only this one alternative left and she was gentle but unrelenting about having me go there.
Since then I talked with the apartment rep (qmhp) and he even started talking *inpatient*.
It just goes to show that the "system" (all of them) IS BROKEN. It is. People are caught between mild (symptoms are managable) and extreme (no one is willing to help higher showing symptoms so we'll hand you over to the hosp, who btw also doesn't think you should be there).
Ok - i'm going to breathe, make some tea, get off the net and start editing my paper!
thanks, btw!