[looorie]

okay i feel that i need to share this with someone because i am down and ashamed and i feel silly, im diagnosed by bipolar, school trauma bullying, and anxiety. i discussed with my therapist my suicidal thoughts i attempted twice and in once i put my life in jeopardy. im always breaking promises that i will not attemt again so my therapist is upset. i dont know whats happening with me. i couldnt utter yesterday in the session except a few words i was almost falling apart. in addition what was nerve wrecking i acknowledged my feelings towards her and how i loved her and how i needed her, i felt silly, i actually could not speak those words i wrote a paper during the session. she said its okay, she said its normal for me to be jeaolus of the other clients and envy her children. but i was too ashamed. she made me feel better though, she also said that i do mean something to her. she said we need to work on this aside my suicide thougts, but yet i dont know why i feel sick about that. i need help i just wanted to share this with someone

I think it's good that you shared those things with her. I think it will help her know you better. It's normal to have those thoughts and feelings toward your therapist. I'm sorry that you're hurting. You're not silly at all. Take care.

I agree...those intense feelings toward your T are so so so normal. Your feelings are totally normal! And it's so great that you were able to share them with your T.

[WePow]

(((( looorie ))))) You are very brave for sharing those personal truths with your T.
It is one of the hardest things to do in session - to be totally honest about what is going on inside.

I also understand the SU thoughts. There is a root to those thoughts. I just found that out for myself only yesterday and put the pieces together. I have had SU thoughts since I was 3 yrs old. When I had the flashback that told me exactly when I first dissociated and how my first SU thoughts came about, well I was angry. It was not my fault that my mind decided life was not safe enough and was just too painful
But suddenly I decided that I was angry that someone else did something to me that stole my joy of being alive. And that stunk!

So now that I know what happened and why the SU thoughts were so strong, well now I have to work on reclaiming what was stolen from my soul.

I really think you can do this too. It will take a lot of work to get to the root of the sorrow, but the biggest step is what you just did with being able to be honest with your T. Continue that and continue to be honest with your emotions. When you are with T is the appropriate place to experience all the range of emotions in life and trust T to help you move through them in a safe way. Hope this makes sense.

[gravyyy]

Good for you Looorie for sharing those thoughts with your T. She's right that it's normal but that doesn't make it easier to tell her about it. You're braver than many people are by sharing. Many people wont ever bring that up and it hurts the therapeutic relationship. So bravo and hopefully things more forward in a positive direction from here. Just remember to keep saring and keep being honest.

[Perna]

I'm glad you shared those thoughts with us here, too! That's a big step, not just telling your T things that upset you but then working on the upset (by telling us here and asking for our help too). What I use to do is take (in my head/heart) some of what I learned here at PsychCentral from others into my T's office and other places in my life. I was even thinking about friends from here and stuff we'd discussed in threads like this in the grocery store :-) When you feel silly and have trouble with T, think of us here who (hopefully :-) don't make you feel silly and have felt like you are feeling before, too. It can be comforting to have 8-10 other people in your head with you at T's sometimes, LOL.

[mixedup_emotions]

You are incredibly brave....amazingly brave....for being able to tell your T your feelings. That is one thing that many do not do, so the feelings end up being internalized and not being able to be used as an effective tool in therapy.

It is so hard to have such powerful feelings for someone, one that you are so vulnerable with, and dealing with everything that you're going through.

I am glad you reached out to PC for support....

[mobius]

Thanks for sharing, Looorie. No matter how you did it, you *did* share what you were feeling with your therapist, which is so important. Keep sharing!