[velcro003]

(or is it?? I don't really know)

Each time I have reached out to T in a time of great sadness (usually on a weekend...and doesn't happen that often, but seems to be happening more frequently as of late), she has always said we could talk on the telephone, or like last week...come in to see her, even though I couldn't. Talking on the phone FRIGHTENS me! I'm not really sure why, because I see her every week face to face...but yuck. I only grabbed at the phone opportunity once (friday), but I had to force myself to press the call button.

What I want to know is WHY is it ok to reach out and receive additonal help in between sessions? If it is truly a crisis, you should probably go to the hospital or call a crisis line, yes? If it isn't, why can't it wait until the next week? Or is it not ok? I have e-mailed my T when I am having a tough time, and she always responds and she ALWAYS says I can call her if needed.

I don't get it, really. I am one of X amount of patients she has (I have no idea how many), and if everyone emails her and she offers all that extra time, how can she have time for herself? her family? I guess I feel guilty for reaching out. It is weird, foreign. I'm not so sure how I feel about it.

[jexa]

velcro, some T's don't offer phone contact but others do. They only make/take phone calls during the times that they are able to have phone conversations - they know how to set their own boundaries and they have the choice to offer this. Your T offers it because she wants to. And, your T may talk to different clients differently. For example, someone who called her every day to try and keep her on the phone for a long time wouldn't keep getting told, "You can call anytime." But you have a hard time talking in session and I bet T would be glad to get communication from you when you feel like talking! Your problem isn't being needy and calling T all the time -- your problem is opening up -- so offering the phone calls is beneficial to your therapy.

In DBT therapy the phone contact is crucial. Marsha Linehan (creator of DBT) says that offering therapy without phone contact is like being a coach at practices but never showing up for the game itself. That phone contact is like the coach "showing up for the game."

[Yoda]

It depends on the individual. If your T says it is okay for clients to telephone her or email her then she must feel that is valuable for the client and she has enough time to respond. My T will phone calls only in emergencies and no email ever.

My Pdoc cannot ever be reached by telephone but always responds quickly to my emails.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by jexa

velcro, some T's don't offer phone contact but others do. They only make/take phone calls during the times that they are able to have phone conversations - they know how to set their own boundaries and they have the choice to offer this. Your T offers it because she wants to. And, your T may talk to different clients differently. For example, someone who called her every day to try and keep her on the phone for a long time wouldn't keep getting told, "You can call anytime." But you have a hard time talking in session and I bet T would be glad to get communication from you when you feel like talking! Your problem isn't being needy and calling T all the time -- your problem is opening up -- so offering the phone calls is beneficial to your therapy.

In DBT therapy the phone contact is crucial. Marsha Linehan (creator of DBT) says that offering therapy without phone contact is like being a coach at practices but never showing up for the game itself. That phone contact is like the coach "showing up for the game."

huh. Good thoughts, Jexa! You are so right about me not opening up well in therapy, but it still FEELS needy. I don't like it

[gravyyy]

Just because you feel like you're having a crisis doesn't mean you need to go to the ER or be admitted to the hospital. Sometimes your crisis could be coming from a perspective thing that T can talk you through. The only time people truly need to be in the hospital is when they are a threat to themselves or someone else. Typically it's a good idea to check in with T before just going to the hospital because Ts are good at figuring out when hospitalization is absolutely necessary. Sometimes if you go through T and you do need hospitalization, you can skip the whole ER thing. Both times I was admitted I was a direct admit so basically walked in and got a room. Didn't have to go to the ER and be transferred and waste a whole bunch of time.

Secondly, if T didn't want you to call her she wouldn't have told you to. Ts don't give everyone their contact info like cell number or e-mail. When my T gave me her cell phone number she made it clear to me that I was the first client she ever gave it to (I never used it). She laid out the rules for using it saying that if I use it, it means I feel poorly enough that I feel I might need hospitalization. It wasn't to call and chat. You're not suppose to be worried about how T lives her life (though I realize it's natural... I think about my Ts work/life balance all the time). Basically what I'm saying is you're absolutely allowed to calll T if she gave you her number. You don't necessarily have to be bad enough to need hospitalization to call her and maybe you just need peace of mind about something that T can give you in a 2 minute phone call to last until next session. Hopefully you work things out. I wish you the best. Take care!!!

I've talked to my t and my pdoc from home many a time over the years. Sometimes it did mean I ended up in the hospital, but not every time. Sometimes I needed to be talked through a crisis. Sometimes I needed a med change. That's what they're there for. I don't abuse it, so I don't feel guilty about it.

[velcro003]

THanks gravy! I think I worry too much Its weird because we've never actually had a discussion about email boundries and stuff...but she hasn't told me I'm doing it too much. Sigh.

[mobius]

I think if she says it's OK, then it's OK. I can't imagine that she would say it without meaning it. And I'd bet that she knows you well enough to know that you wouldn't abuse the privilege, or feels that you might benefit from some extra encouragement to reach out to her when needed.

I get that it's hard to believe that though, on a deep level. I sometimes wish my therapist would let me know that it's OK to call if needed.

[jexa]

Originally Posted by velcro003

huh. Good thoughts, Jexa! You are so right about me not opening up well in therapy, but it still FEELS needy. I don't like it

Is that part of what makes it hard to open up even in that room? That "complaining" or talking about tough stuff feels needy, and maybe even silly, maybe it even feels in some way childish or strange?

I know lately I have had a hard time talking to T about certain things. She asks every session whether I had something in mind to talk about, and I say, "But I can't just bring it up!!" Why? Well, it feels silly and like I'm a big whiner and it feels desperate and stupid and pathetic and all of those ick things. Haha so I sabotage myself by writing things down ahead of time and forcing myself to give them to her. Somehow, that is easier!

If there was a way for you to open up to your T more, I know your T would jump all over it. Hitting that call button when you're actually in the mood to talk will probably make your T's day!!

[velcro003]

lol, thanks jexa. Yeah I do feel like i'm complaining, ESPECIALLY because I've had it pretty easy. I'm just lazy and wasting my life away for no good reason. And i really don't like being needy, or feeling like i'm burdening anyone. My T says over and over that she thinks I believe deep down that no one can help me, that there is no point to talking about myself. haha.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by velcro003

What I want to know is WHY is it ok to reach out and receive additonal help in between sessions? If it is truly a crisis, you should probably go to the hospital or call a crisis line, yes? If it isn't, why can't it wait until the next week? Or is it not ok? I have e-mailed my T when I am having a tough time, and she always responds and she ALWAYS says I can call her if needed.

i used to think (probably still do) the same thing you've typed here, velcro. if it's not an emergency you deal with it yourself, else you go to ER. after a number of years pdoc finally cottoned on and sat me down for "a chat". he said that when i start getting depressed, that i can find myself at rock bottom very quickly. he says that offering contact between sessions is like an opportunity for him to intervene - if he can get me at 50%, then it's a lot better for both of us than trying to help me when i'm at 0. that he'd prefer to get a call from me than to have to prep me through ER and the stupid hospital system.
he says that he doesn't offer contact to every client, and he's only given a very few his mobile number. he said it's his decision who he gives his mobile to - based on whether they need it and also based on how likely they are to respect it and it's also his decision about whether he leaves it on 24/7 or not.
i think Ts take between-session contact seriously and adjust according to their own boundaries and what the clients require. austin-t for example is happy to take txts from me for whatever reason, but says to call only if i'm at the "emergency" end of crisis.