[AkAngel]

I am under an extraordinary amount of stress and have been for many years now. While I believe myself to be extremely emotionally resiliant and think that I am handling the stress well, it has been so many years now that it occurred to me that I may be losing perspective. Therefore, I made an appointment to see a therapist for a mental health checkup if you will. I have never gone to a therapist before and so, I don't really know how the selection process works.

I went down to a local counseling center and spoke with a counselor who took some preliminary information and explained that the process was that she would forward that to her boss who would then pass it on to a counselor within the next twenty-four hours who would call me immediately. Simple enough. The call came from what is to be my counselor and we set an appointment for three days from then, which is today.

Here's my concern: this guy and I are not going to really click. It took three minutes on the phone and I have zero confidence in him. I am going for the purpose of assessing my condition. I am getting a second opinion because I am aware that I may have lost perspective being too close to the matter - but however flawed my perception may or may not be, I have less confidence in his.

Options?

[pegasus]

And this is based on a short phonecall?

Just remember that you are in the driving seat with this, you can pick and choose. Take time to vet your therapist. Do they sound truly empathic? What are their qualifications? What do they specialize in?

[seventyeight]

i think when you know, you know, and it sounds like you were able to tell based on the lack of chemistry on the phone. i don't think there's anything wrong with that.. you're going with your gut and looking after yourself. that being said, i don't think it'll hurt to go and have your "condition assessed" - and at this point what do you have to lose? if you don't clique with him, then you've not lost anything (as this was something you already knew) and if you do hit it off, then great!

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by pegasus

And this is based on a short phonecall?

Just remember that you are in the driving seat with this, you can pick and choose. Take time to vet your therapist. Do they sound truly empathic? What are their qualifications? What do they specialize in?

Yes, it's based on a short call. I hadn't actually thought out how that might be perceived but here's the deal. I am a professional poker player, have been for nearly twenty years. I've written a book on the game; written a pro column for three of the industry magazines, etc. Anyway, making quick, accurate assessments with incomplete information is part of the job description. Saying 'umm' fourteen times in the course of a three minute call doesn't bode well in my opinion. (counting cards is a habit, sometimes couting 'umm's' is too ) There were other verbal 'tells', as well as a complete lack of confidence in his voice. Honestly he sounded like he was an adolecent about to go on his first date. Even assuming my preliminary assessment of this fellow is incorrect, my perception is likely to be an impediment.

As far as being in the drivers seat, how does that work? You indicate that I can pick and choose - great. Does one simply say, I'd like to try someone else? Or does one not set another appointment and go to another center?

Thanks for answering.

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by AkAngel

As far as being in the drivers seat, how does that work? You indicate that I can pick and choose - great. Does one simply say, I'd like to try someone else? Or does one not set another appointment and go to another center?

Depends where you are in the world and whether you are relying on insurance to pay for it. Of course you have every right to pick and choose, you are the consumer. You can either stay at this centre (and ask for someone else) or have a real good shop around elsewhere.

It might not hurt to go to the appointment just to see if your gut reaction is correct but I would suggest getting a good fit, so yeah look around!

Let me know how you get on.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by pegasus

It might not hurt to go to the appointment just to see if your gut reaction is correct but I would suggest getting a good fit, so yeah look around!

I definately am going; it would be unreasonable in my opinion to cancel hours before the appointment. Who knows, perhaps he'll even recognize that it isn't a good fit and pass me on.

Originally Posted by pegasus

Let me know how you get on.

I will, thank you.

[Perna]

I don't think a counselor is going to tell you you are right or wrong or doing a good/crummy job or whatever you want to hear; over time, they help you listen to yourself and work better with yourself. A counselor doesn't have to be personable or click with the client, though it's nice when they are/do, they have to know themselves and be able to impart their particular counseling skills and the client recognizes that in some fashion and becomes able to use the interaction to help themselves.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think a counselor is going to tell you you are right or wrong or doing a good/crummy job or whatever you want to hear; over time, they help you listen to yourself and work better with yourself. A counselor doesn't have to be personable or click with the client, though it's nice when they are/do, they have to know themselves and able to impart their particular counseling skills and the client recognizes that in some fashion and becomes able to use the interaction to help themselves.

You may be right, thank you for this perspective....I am learning.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by AkAngel

I am going for the purpose of assessing my condition.

How about going for the purpose of assessing the T?

[tears_of_a_clown]

Glad to hear you are giving it a try. Perhaps you can go in with a few questions about the therapist's training and experience in working with clients with similar issues. A competent therapist should have no problems with these questions.

Good luck.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

How about going for the purpose of assessing the T?

I realize now that is what this is going to come down to. It is a step I did not think about or anticipating being necessary. Silly actually, that I would miss that.

[Perna]

Phone calls, since you don't have all senses involved (can't see) can be very misleading. I can identify a bit with your professional poker playing; I have done/do a great deal of horse race handicapping, have owned part of a race horse.

I had a phone call setting up an appointment with a would-be employer many years ago, I was sure it was not going to work out, he didn't sound very bright or interesting (was slow talking, "thought" too much just setting up an appointment time/date). I'm happily married to him now

[polarsmom]

Here's my concern: this guy and I are not going to really click. It took three minutes on the phone and I have zero confidence in him. I am going for the purpose of assessing my condition. I am getting a second opinion because I am aware that I may have lost perspective being too close to the matter - but however flawed my perception may or may not be, I have less confidence in his.

AkAngel- I do understand where you are coming from. I completely felt this way when I first met my T. I thought he was just a total geek. And just really didn't see us connecting at all. He talked to me about being on time for appointments, insurance, and that sort of thing. Then started asking about my past. What brought me there and so on. I was like whatever...... I don't wanna be here anyway so it's good that I don't feel a connection. I kept going because I had to. (doctor insisted) But after a few meetings with him I did feel a connection. It definately wasn't something I was expecting to happen. And have been going ever since.

Anyway, I'm glad you decided to keep the appointment. Please update us on how things went. Hopefully it turned out better than you thought it would.

[ECHOES]

Sounds like you left a lot to chance and other people choosing.
Might that be making you uncomfortable?

I decided what kind of therapy I wanted and what kind of therapist I wanted before I began my search. The first therapist was not for me, but the 2nd was a keeper
I did some of my research here: www.guidetopsychology.com

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Sounds like you left a lot to chance and other people choosing.
Might that be making you uncomfortable?

I'm quite certain that wasn't it - if only because I didn't know there was another way to do it, you know? Sort of like going to Taco Bell and saying, "I'm sorry, I don't want you to take my order - I want that young man washing the dishes to take my order." I thought it was more like that. Clearly not, I understand that now but it isn't like they are in a line up either so...

As far as the link though, I'm going to go check it out. Thank you!

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by polarsmom

AkAngel- I do understand where you are coming from. I completely felt this way when I first met my T. I thought he was just a total geek. And just really didn't see us connecting at all. He talked to me about being on time for appointments, insurance, and that sort of thing. Then started asking about my past. What brought me there and so on. I was like whatever...... I don't wanna be here anyway so it's good that I don't feel a connection. I kept going because I had to. (doctor insisted) But after a few meetings with him I did feel a connection. It definately wasn't something I was expecting to happen. And have been going ever since.

Anyway, I'm glad you decided to keep the appointment. Please update us on how things went. Hopefully it turned out better than you thought it would.

Well, things went kind of like this:

It was what I expect was classically preliminary. As I sought counseling out in order to receive a 'mental health checkup' via an impartial outside source as regards long-term stress, there was quite an extensive stress history which ate up most of the time.

He is not licensed but works under a licensed psychologist at the present. Likeable enough guy, if a bit understandably uncertain of himself as a result of not being licensed yet. I tried to put him at ease immediately - yes, I know that isn't my job but it does make things go more smoothly.

Upon questioning he shared an interest in hypnosis as a therapeutic tool and the conversation actually turned a bit academic at that point. I was his last appointment of the day and it turned into an hour and forty-five minute session as we discussed authors, uses and theories of hypnosis. We won't be pursuing hypnosis but it made for an interesting enough conversation.

He is feeling much more comfortable now, much of his nervousness has passed and while I still don't think we are going to have any paradigm shifts as a result of continuing, I see no harm in it at this point either.

It concerns me that you talk as if you were the therapist, putting him at ease. It concerns me that your conversation turned academic and he let that happen. Were you intentionally avoiding talking about yourself? It kind of sounds that way. It concerns me that he is not licensed yet. That might not bother me if your session had been more about you and less about academics, but this trainee didn't seem able to keep you focused on you.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

It concerns me that you talk as if you were the therapist, putting him at ease. It concerns me that your conversation turned academic and he let that happen. Were you intentionally avoiding talking about yourself? It kind of sounds that way. It concerns me that he is not licensed yet. That might not bother me if your session had been more about you and less about academics, but this trainee didn't seem able to keep you focused on you.

I appreciate your concerns, let me address them. We are human beings first, human doings second. Therapy is what he does. He is new to the profession, but I think, like a pilot on one of his first commercial flights, or a lawyer in one of his first courtroom appearences, nervousness is to be expected. Once he or she gets over that initial nervousness, their training and education will kick in. I was just trying to lend a hand to a fellow human being who happens to do therapy.

As for the conversation turning academic, as I said, taking my history took up almost all of the session. I had decided, prior to the meeting, to ask him about his training and experience as had been suggested earlier in this thread but modified my question somewhat when I realized that he did not have a great deal of experience. We were at the end of the session at this time and so, I would think (although I am not completely certain), his obligation to talk about me was over. When he mentioned hypnosis, I shared the content of a paper I had written on the subject many years ago. The paper was never published and the subject therefore, had never become part of the 'hyposis canon' if you will. We were out of time, he found the subject interesting and we explored the ideas together on our own time.

As for avoiding talking about myself, not at all. I am going voluntarily, I have an appointment for next week to continue and have volunteered to share some of my writings with him in an effort to share myself with him, spending a good deal of yesterday compiling what I think might be pertainant materials. Our conversation on hypnosis and academics continued naturally from an ending point. I can see though how it might have appeared that way; I didn't explain it very well.

As for him not being licensed yet, I must admit, I don't know the process. I assume though, that he finishes a prescribed course of study, then must achieve a certain number of hours being supervised by an experienced psychologist. If I am correct, then everyone must go through this process and it is not a reflection on thier understanding or competency. Everyone must start somewhere.

Anyway, I sincerely appreciate your concern for my well being. Now that I have tried to explain the situation more clearly, do your concerns remain? Have they changed to new concerns? I am listening to everything everyone here says and dismissing nothing. As I said, the only reason I asked about him at all was because it was suggested up thread.

Thanks.

[tears_of_a_clown]

Originally Posted by AkAngel

I appreciate your concerns, let me address them. We are human beings first, human doings second. Therapy is what he does. He is new to the profession, but I think, like a pilot on one of his first commercial flights, or a lawyer in one of his first courtroom appearences, nervousness is to be expected. Once he or she gets over that initial nervousness, their training and education will kick in. I was just trying to lend a hand to a fellow human being who happens to do therapy.

As for the conversation turning academic, as I said, taking my history took up almost all of the session. I had decided, prior to the meeting, to ask him about his training and experience as had been suggested earlier in this thread but modified my question somewhat when I realized that he did not have a great deal of experience. We were at the end of the session at this time and so, I would think (although I am not completely certain), his obligation to talk about me was over. When he mentioned hypnosis, I shared the content of a paper I had written on the subject many years ago. The paper was never published and the subject therefore, had never become part of the 'hyposis canon' if you will. We were out of time, he found the subject interesting and we explored the ideas together on our own time.

As for avoiding talking about myself, not at all. I am going voluntarily, I have an appointment for next week to continue and have volunteered to share some of my writings with him in an effort to share myself with him, spending a good deal of yesterday compiling what I think might be pertainant materials. Our conversation on hypnosis and academics continued naturally from an ending point. I can see though how it might have appeared that way; I didn't explain it very well.

As for him not being licensed yet, I must admit, I don't know the process. I assume though, that he finishes a prescribed course of study, then must achieve a certain number of hours being supervised by an experienced psychologist. If I am correct, then everyone must go through this process and it is not a reflection on thier understanding or competency. Everyone must start somewhere.

Anyway, I sincerely appreciate your concern for my well being. Now that I have tried to explain the situation more clearly, do your concerns remain? Have they changed to new concerns? I am listening to everything everyone here says and dismissing nothing. As I said, the only reason I asked about him at all was because it was suggested up thread.

Thanks.

AK...I really liked how you handled this. Ironically it seems exactly like a "paradigm shift" for you. You went from sounding like a cynical, hopeless person in your first post ("this isn't going to work out"), to an accepting, forgiving, warm sounding person.

As far as the training issue, I wonder if the T gets regular supervision. Does he ever tape or video a session for use in supervision - this can be helpful, if sometimes uncomfortable. I imagine that the T was more nervous because you asked about his training and experience, which raised his awareness to something that was uncomfortable for him (not your fault, BTW). While I think that training and licensing is very important, ultimately it's the human connection that will either make or break therapy.

I hope you hang in there and it proves fruitful.

[WePow]

I like what tears just said about this. One point I would like to offer is that sometimes therapy has to shift a person from using ony left brain thinking into right brain feeling. It depends on the therapist. Your job mandates a very structured left brain behavior pattern. http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=63

This is one of my PTSD links. It sounds like you are just going in for a mental "checkup" so I am not implying anything here at all, but I have PTSD and this link is one I use that helps me understand why it is sometimes very hard for my left brain to tell my T what emotions I have about something:

http://www.ptsdforum.org/threads/320...ion-Into-Words

Depending on what you want to accomplish with therapy will determine what path you will want to take long term.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by tears_of_a_clown

AK...I really liked how you handled this. Ironically it seems exactly like a "paradigm shift" for you. You went from sounding like a cynical, hopeless person in your first post ("this isn't going to work out"), to an accepting, forgiving, warm sounding person.

I oscillate between deep compassion and utter contempt for people I'm afraid. I do care about people very much, but I find them tedious. The more physically distanced I am from people and the less time I have to spend with them, the more patience I have when I do get around them.

I know what that sounds like, but it is the truth. If I could devote my life to helping people from an isolated location in a cave somewhere - that would be my ideal life. Let's see, every time I type something I feel that I add another layer of ambiguity to the mix, let's try an example:

I am walking into a gas station convenience store the other day to put $20 on pump number six, when 'Barbie' walks out. She is as out of place here in the middle of the forest in her high heels, manicure and perfume as a mountain lion in the middle of main street in a large city. That's fine, but it does get one's momentary attention. She glanced at me, caught my eye, rolled hers and gave what I can only imagine is a patented little hair flip. In her mind, I thought she was beautiful. Whatever, none of my business.

I went into the store and went up to complete my transaction. The gal behind the counter said, "I saw you looking at her. I know you wanted her, all the guys do. She's my cousin." Then, rather than take my money, she looks off wistfully at her cousins departure her wish that she could look like that evident in her eyes. All I want to do is come up with some kind of line that will get this girl to acknowledge me and take my money so I can be on my way.

On a good day I see Barbie and think, "You poor thing....trying to hide your fears and insecurities behind this costume and plastic surgery. You are worth so much more than the way you look. Don't wrap up your self-worth in your appearence; don't you know that your appearence will fade one day? How sad to be so consumed." And then her cousin, "Oh my god, look at yourself. You have a smile for everyone when they come in; people come here and pay more for gas then in town because YOU brighten their day. You would trade that in for pretentiousness and an obsession with social status?"

On a bad day I allow myself to realize that they are the same. The gal behind the counter would in fact give up her life to take her cousins. She doesn't have the means to do so and so her particular insecurities manifest themselves in this overtly friendly way, but she covets something else. She hides behind a saccharine personality because haughty doesn't work in an outfit from Walmart and no make-up. Neither of them is better or worse than the other, they are just lost in different ways. Sad.

Now, that's all my opinion of course, take it for what it's worth, but I find it sad and I don't like to surround myself with sad things because it eventually brings me down too and I lose patience. For instance, "Geez, will you feel bad that you don't look as ridiculous as your cousin AFTER you take my money that I'm trying to give you?" I don't say that of course, but I think it. So, long story short, (too late for that isn't it *s*) I do consider myself a warm person, but it's a cold world - you lose heat if you're out in it for too long.

Originally Posted by tears_of_a_clown

As far as the training issue, I wonder if the T gets regular supervision. Does he ever tape or video a session for use in supervision - this can be helpful, if sometimes uncomfortable. I imagine that the T was more nervous because you asked about his training and experience, which raised his awareness to something that was uncomfortable for him (not your fault, BTW). While I think that training and licensing is very important, ultimately it's the human connection that will either make or break therapy.

I hope you hang in there and it proves fruitful.

He did not tape the session. He did take rather prolific notes but assured me that this was only because it was the first session. I signed an agreement which explained to me that he would be discussing our sessions with his superior as is required while he is in training.

Thank you for your hopes and good energy.

[AkAngel]

WePow: Thank you for the links, I will check them out today for sure. I have suffered from PTSD and understand some of the process but look forward to seeing if the links add anything to what I know. I really do find the process of PTSD fascinating, if troublesome. Our brains are amazing and the gymnastics they do to try and protect us is worthy of a gold medal sometimes.

It is my understanding that memory as well as time lines are kept in the left brain. During a traumatic event the left brain shuts down temporarily and the memory is stored in the right brain where there is no past or future - everything is 'now'. Therefore, a sight, sound or smell recognized by the right brain in real time that correlates to a sight, soud or smell from the moment of trauma, relives it in real time. Though the left brain shut down in defense, like most defense mechanisms, eventually the cost is higher than the savings.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by WePow

http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=63

Following this link for a while I got to a test for right brain vs left brain and omg! I tested as being right brained but it was suggested that one could try to see the image the other way and I am completely stymied. I am going to be staring at this all day now!

Thanks alot WePow, now my whole day is wasted!

(just kidding...thank you truly)

[WePow]

LOL !!!! Sorry :-)

[tears_of_a_clown]

Originally Posted by AkAngel

Let's see, every time I type something I feel that I add another layer of ambiguity to the mix, let's try an example:

I am walking into a gas station convenience store the other day to put $20 on pump number six, when 'Barbie' walks out.

I thought your story and your reflection on your internal "process" was really fascinating. I hope your therapist can help you examine this type of experience to help you better understand the different feelings that you seem to be experiencing with respect to others.

As far as the world being "cold," I'm moving toward the view that the world has 4 seasons, all of which have some value. I'm not sure if I would enjoy Spring and Fall as much if I didn't have Summer and Winter!