[Aquafara]

Hello everyone. I'm curious to know what everyone expects out of a therapist. What are good qualities? How long does it take to feel right with someone? How do you know if they care? Any other questions?

I have only seen one therapist and I'm not really sure how this is all supposed to work. I had to go to a mental health review for a medical case and the lady that I saw was so nice and seemed so knowledgeable... Like I'd benefit so much with her and I ended up wishing I could see her instead. Before, I thought my therapist was great, but now I realize she is only sub par compared to this other woman.

[Soul Quake]

A therapist who realizes that the client is in charge, and he/she works for the client, not the other way around. Someone who doesn't sit there mum, but offers constructive feedback.

[onlymedid]

I agree with Soul Quake. Additionally, I like a T that does not write the entire time I am with them. My T never takes a note when I am talking...she plays games, has me draw, color or write. It's distractions that end up helping me talk about difficult things. She knows when to push and when not to. Oh, and I like a T that tells me like it is...no sugar coating, I get enough of that from friends and family.
There is not set time frame for getting comfortable with T, it all depends on how you feel with T. For me, it was the first session. She was just so comforting, she listened intently to everything I said.
I know my T cares, just by the way she talks to me, how sensitive she is and that she always gives me a hug at the end of a session.

My T is the first therapist I've ever seen, but I think he is really good (at least for me!).

He let me take as much time as I needed to build enough trust to tell my story.

He is willing to try different things (changing seats, drawing with me, letting me be the first client to use e-mail, etc), because he believes what I know what I need to heal.

He has boundaries that are firm and easy for me to understand...but roomy enough that we can always find a way for me to get what I need.

He always, ALWAYS listens to my point of view if we have any sort of disagreement, and ALWAYS owns his own part in it.

He worked really, REALLY hard to help me build a connection with him, and was endlessly patient with how difficult it was for me.

He always points out that *I* am the one who has the insights, etc. He'll say "YOU did that"...I think over time, it's giving me some confidence that I can DO this.

I know without a doubt that he cares about me.

It's hard to put into words why he is such a good therapist. It's all of the above, but so much more.

My excellent t's have been completely straight-forward with me; honest. Kind individuals with caring hearts. Intelligent, knowledgeable therapists. Not afraid to be tough with me when tough is what I needed, yet gentle when I was feeling fragile. Reliable so trust was never a problem for me. Good, healthy, sold boundaries were practiced and encouraged and taught.

[ECHOES]

Comparisons are tricky things.
You know your therapist, so you know her good qualities.
The new woman is someone you met and have an impression of, but you don't know. You enjoyed the interaction that you had with her then, which wasn't therapy so it may not be reflective of what therapy with her might be like.
So you are comparing a solid known with an impression and what you have added to that impression (what therapy might be like with her).

You could schedule an appointment with her and talk about this with her. You can also talk to your therapist about this experience to let her know more about you and what you want. Could it be that she could provide this for you, I wonder.

[chaotic13]

I've only seen one T. But a key things I needed from my T were consistency and a steadfast belief the I could handle whatever the journey uncovered.

Wanted to add:

An unwavering trust in me.

The ability to hear, handle, and hold my story.

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by Aquafara

Hello everyone. I'm curious to know what everyone expects out of a therapist. What are good qualities? How long does it take to feel right with someone? How do you know if they care? Any other questions?

I have only seen one therapist and I'm not really sure how this is all supposed to work. I had to go to a mental health review for a medical case and the lady that I saw was so nice and seemed so knowledgeable... Like I'd benefit so much with her and I ended up wishing I could see her instead. Before, I thought my therapist was great, but now I realize she is only sub par compared to this other woman.

Seems like you already have a good knowledge of what you feel would make a good therapist, go with your gut!

[elliemay]

I think there are both subjective and objective measures of what makes a good therapist.

I am of the opinion that good training and a lot of experience gives one a good place to start. It certainly helped me to have the confidence that my case was nothing new to my therapist, he had seen it before, and knew what treatment plans worked and those that did not given his particular methods. I did not want to be a test case for him.

Now that's not to say that is always the case. In fact, a lot depends, I think, on the person in therapy. WE contribute the bulk of the work in therapy and it may also depend our willingness to really get in there and work. The therapist can be, after all, IMO just a facilliator, coach and guide through our recovery.

Sort of "when the student is ready, the master will appear" type thing.

It's all about finding the right therapist for us. And that, is a good, if not the best therapist there is out there.

[WePow]

1) Compassion without patronizing - I want my T to have empathy and understanding for the past things but I do not want T to allow me to use the past as an excuse for my NOW. I love it because my T is just perfect with this balance!

2) Boundaries while being facilitating to healing. This is another thing my T is great about. I NEED to be able to sometimes send T emails about my junk and just hard core venting. But I do not want to overwhelm him (or anyone) emotionally by what I say. T does a WONDERFUL job of allowing me to use this tool while maintaining his own boundaries for space. That has taught me that I can just vent very honestly and know T is perfectly safe from any shrapnel! It is the very best of both worlds.

3) Honesty. It helps me to know my T is honest about everything with me. Even if I don't like what he says, he can say it in a way that is not harmful to me, but it is still honest. His ability to do this allows me to trust that what he says is his truth. I don't have to spend energy trying to figure out if he just said something to make me happy or because he was afraid of my response. Honesty is one of the main things in life that I highly value!

4) Respect. T is different from me but it is obvious is his manners and words that even if he does not understand what I am trying to share or why I am sharing something, I always know he respects me and my opinion. This teaches me how to respect his opinions as well - which carries over to others in life.

There are many other things, but I think they all end up fitting into one of those main 4 sections. Good question!

Originally Posted by treehouse

Wanted to add:

An unwavering trust in me.

The ability to hear, handle, and hold my story.

I haven't read all of this thread, but the "holding" part is extremely important for me. I need to know that she can hold and contain all my big scary feelings and help me with them so they don't hurt me.