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#1
Jul 19, 2010, 10:39 AM
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This morning at work I was wondering whether T could swim? In session I asked her and she said "is it important?" I said, "no just wondering" T said, "yes I can swim what about you?" I said, "Yeah, not good but yeah", T then said "I wonder if your wondering whether I will drown here?" I looked at her and laughed and said "Oh thats corny", T said, "why is it?" I said "I dunno, it just sounds corny" but as I sat with that it begun to come to me and I realized underneath the apparent off hand question there was a deeper meaning and I said, "yeah I do worry that I may pull you under or that I will survive and you drown". T said, that was your birth mothers fear, that you would survive and not her. With that I thought about survivors guilt and how though I had to stay away from my adoptive mother these past 3yrs, I do feel guilt that I have my own family and am in therapy working on a better existence and she my adoptive 83yr old mother is nearing her end, if not already gone, but she never could swim and often I felt her drowning and me having to dive in and save her only to have her walked on my head on the way out without even looking back.
We spoke some more about how though we both may get dragged down into my unconscious, we will both rise to the surface again. So much for simple questions, I would have argued black is white that there was no deeper meaning to the apparent off the cuff question, but there really was more to it then just that. |
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#2
Jul 19, 2010, 10:46 AM
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What were you doing or thinking about at work when you wondered that about T
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#3
Jul 19, 2010, 10:48 AM
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stock taking.
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#4
Jul 19, 2010, 02:42 PM
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Quote:
__________________
He said that we can email as MUCH as we want (100 times per day). Believe in this - it is challenging fears about being punished. It is okay to be seen. You are not a nuisance. "Too much" simply means exploration, not punishment/withdrawal. Trust in him.  Not looking at him is about keeping aspects of self hidden/secret. We know that is not the healthy choice. Keep working on this - you will get there.  Accept there are parts. Be kind and gentle with them. Working with parts and feelings is the key to happiness. We have been happy before when listened to them and accepted them and were open to feelings. Write in your journal - it is safe to do so. 
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#5
Jul 19, 2010, 02:51 PM
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Don't tell me, cans of fish/shrimp
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#6
Jul 19, 2010, 04:00 PM
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Quote:
I've been plagued recently with a vision or...IDK what to call it a daymare that my mind runs when I walk. Its a very detailed mental movie but it end with me looking out to sea after making it through a big storm. I see debris from a boat I was on scattered and dead bodies floating in the rough sea. I'm on the beach and realize I made it safely to shore but the people and boat I was on...didn't and somehow I know that the storm and their death was all because of me or something I did. I never thought about this being survivor's guilt until you mentioned it here in this context. When you think about your aging adoptive mother... Does a part of you think (maybe not logically or rationally) that you owe her something? Or if not for her...then you owe others in some way. Like as a survivor your expected to do SOMETHING profound or contribute to helping others survivor or positively affect the others in some way? Just curious...where your thoughts lead you after you're walking away from your adoptive mother. ...In my daymare I drag myself off the beach to look for a free shower..LOL Not very profound...I know but the character is lost and has no leads on what she's supposed to do next.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#7
Jul 19, 2010, 09:57 PM
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wow! It wasn't such a "simple" question at all.
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#8
Jul 19, 2010, 11:49 PM
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chaotic, I guess I don't have any concrete images around this, just sometimes a feeling of no longer being stifled by my adoptive mother and the small me remembering how it use to be to have to almost knee in front of her why she chops my head off and now I realise I escaped that axe but part of me feelS I shouldn't have escaped that, now sheS left with no head to chop and Feel I shouldn't have done that...then I go to session and all is right in the world lol...bUt I don't feel I need do anything to compensate for that guilt, well not now.
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#9
Jul 20, 2010, 07:19 AM
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Mdaze you sure have some interesting threads.... ! |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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