[Ambra]

While getting close to her leave my T was saying "don't worry" and "it is/will be ok" all the time about her leave. It seemed like T wanted to comfort me despite me not disclosing half of my worries and always looking very calm and put together. That was reassuring but I never told her.
T canceled our last session at 3 am cause babies come when they want and that was the morning. On our previous session she told me about that possibility and said "but don't worry" several times again. Now I wonder whether I actually looked worried but thought I was hiding it and what it meant for her to make sure I got the message.
I was wondering if your T's say it too and how often. Do they remark it repeatedly?

Hmm. My T was never one to tell me not to worry. His variation of that was, "What is it you are thinking about X that is causing you to worry?" I guess he already knew I was worrying (I'm a worrier) and just cut to the chase. I don't think he found it helpful to tell me not to worry when often the things I worried about had no easy fix and were pretty justified: my husband's health, my sister, my kids, etc. Instead, he focused on helping me find some perspective, helping me stay in the present with what was going on rather than getting too far ahead of myself, find ways to look at a current situation differently so I could truly find some peace of mind rather than him just saying the words "Don't worry" as if they would magically actually do anything . . .

[stopdog]

No they don't say it and if they did I would think they are nuts. Telling someone not to worry is the least useful thing I can imagine I am not a huge worrier and I have never found it helpful to tell the woman the times I was worried about something. Or at least not useful to have her respond in any way. I usually do not bother with telling her those sorts of things.

[AnxiousGirl]

Im horrible at lying or hiding my expressions so sometimes I would fidget or shake my leg without even noticing and she would say whats wrong or whats on your mind you seem anxious? Then I'm in trouble :P It's weird though she does repeat sometimes because I keep doing it throughout the session but without knowing so it always catches me by surprise.

[Ambra]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I don't think he found it helpful to tell me not to worry when often the things I worried about had no easy fix and were pretty justified: my husband's health, my sister, my kids, etc. Instead, he focused on helping me find some perspective, helping me stay in the present with what was going on rather than getting too far ahead of myself, find ways to look at a current situation differently so I could truly find some peace of mind rather than him just saying the words "Don't worry" as if they would magically actually do anything . . .

I totally agree with you Lolagrace. In my case I meant my t kept telling me "don't worry" about her leave. "Don't worry I'll be back soon", or "I might leave a bit earlier (because of an event that we cannot control) but you do not worry, I'm still close here and have a cellphone anyway". This was the sort of things, how she thinks her leave would be affecting me - which I tried not to show but, given the facts, I don't know., I think I meant reassurance in the relationship.

I would never stay with a T who said don't worry about the things I bring up in therapy, that for sure

[Chummy]

My T has never said ''Don't worry'' about anything. I don't feel like my T is the reassurement type of T. My T is more the rationality type of T. She almost never reassure me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Ex-T used to say "Don't worry" weekly. Current T hasn't said that yet, but she does say "Everything will be okay" a lot. While I know that it might not be true because of course they can't predict the future, I still find it comforting.

[LonesomeTonight]

Mine recently said that o me about something as I was leaving, then was immediately like, "that's not a good thing for a therapist to say!" (Anxiety is one of my main issues). The issue to me with "don't worry" is that it kind of minimizes feelings. My mom used to say it all the time too (still does really)

My T started with a "don't worry..." About a certain situation then stopped himself and said "sorry, I'm trying to reassure you" and actually I didn't need reassurance on the issue. I felt like he misread that in terms of my need for reassurance but I was glad he realised that.

[ruh roh]

I think we are more transparent than we think, especially if we're in therapy for things like anxiety/panic/stress. Like you, I don't say how I feel when my therapist announces she'll be gone (never for a leave of absence, though, just vacation); she doesn't say don't worry, but like your therapist, she always says she'll see me soon. So yeah, I'm guessing that stuff gets broadcast pretty clearly even if we don't say anything.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

My T has never said "Don't worry" about anything. It would bother me if she said that because I have severe anxiety and I worry about every possible thing and as someone else said, it would minimize my feelings.

My t tells me not to worry all the time. I am a worrier.

I'm a worrier (generalised anxiety disorder) and my T never says "Don't worry". Instead she encourages me to tolerate the emotion and see what I can do about my concern, and then "let it go" if I've done all that can be done.

[Sawyerr]

My T also never says Don't worry to me. She says it's going to be okay (I didn't like hearing that at first, but now it's comforting to hear), and then we try to find ways to make me less worried. She asks if there is anything she could do to help me, what could I do.. It's her reassurance that helps the most to me. For example when I was worried about her leaving me, we talked about why I fear she would leave, how that would feel to me, what would happen next, etc. Then she told me there's nothing I could do to make her leave or abandon me, that she wouldn't terminate me no matter what, that if she got pregnant she would want to keep in touch with me during her leave,.. And talking about stuff that worries me helps too.

I'm really tired and I apologize if this is all over the place.

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