The space between...

Working on detachment with my children and others in general. Arrived at that place where what I've always done no longer works and causes me more discomfort, always the cursor for change?

Said to T this morning that when I step back from my children, the space thats left gives me anxiety in my chest, I feel the need to fill it up. T said because the space between you and your mother was filled up with bad things. Wham that hit me between the eyes. I said its so hard to see the relationship I have with my kids from the one I Had with her, but yes that makes complete sense to me and even as she said it I had the feeling of love that exists in the space I am trying to allow to exist between me and my kids. I said I was always afraid letting go and allowing others to learn from their own meant I didnt love them?? Of course what T said about the space I experienced with my parents was just that, but with me and my kids, though I am standing back and letting them make their mistakes it is coming from a place of goodness, its not from neglect or because I can't bear to have them near me.

Its happening slowly for me, the being able to tolerate more and more time between standing back and wanting to fix, and trusting that the space between us all is a safe caring space. Now I understand why the silences in T use to feel so scary for me, obviously though I've learnt that they too were times of space between me and T, and safe space at that.

I love therapy!

I don't mean to intrude Melbadaze but those exact words could have (and did) come out of my own mouth.
You are very wise; it isn't all therapy. It at least half you.

Calista, and have you been able to "let go" or still working on it?

sound like you are doing some very hard and awsme work in T melba great job.

Still working on it...unless I'm in the F* it zone.Then I tend to push everyone out the door. I was able to let go with my oldest. (Kind of had to since she got married ) but when she went
away to colledge, I felt something break inside me. It's never been the same. It's ongoing, some days worse than others. I don't like it that, with me, it's an all or nothing thing. I either cannot live w/o someone or I cannot live with them.
That space inside...I still haven't figured it out yet. Sometimes I almost consider it pleasant, or at least fairly comfortable. As long as that space doesn't have left over garbage in it, I'm getting able to deal with it.

Melba .... you really have alot of wisdom.